#108: If you wrote a book, what would be on the dedication page?

To my parents, Rex & Camille Cannon
for the non-stop love, patience, and kindness,
for believing in me even when I didn't,
and for putting up with me over all these years.

Love you.
Mean it.

Remember the best.

Two nights ago, I went out for coffee with three friends.
These friends represented three very different parts of my life.

First, there was Ashley, my best friend from high school. We'd been through so much together. We played Helena & Hermia in "Midsummer Night's Dream" our senior year. We had bonded up at Rock Canyon park after our mutual friend's wedding when we finally admitted to each other that we had our doubts about the church. I had been her winglady & protector. She had been my cheerleader & comfort. We had so many memories, inside jokes, stories together.

Then there was Sean, my Numero Uno. He was my rock back in Cedar City. He was there for me on the worst day of my life. He let me crash on his couch when I needed to come back "home." He listened to me and trust my judgment when he needed help. He was there for me when no one else was. He was my last remaining connection to Cedar City, to the life I knew I could never get back.

Finally, there was Jeff, my old assistant and my only real friend within 200 miles. He's the only guy who not only could keep up with me but wouldn't let me get away with anything. He'd call me out on my shit and I'd have to backtrack my statements. He's the only one I trust enough with my biggest secret and even though he let it slip just one time, I still trust him because I know he's good for it. He's the one I come to now for help or advice or just when I need someone to talk to.

It was odd to see these three people together. It was almost the sum total of my adult life was represented before me in the stories associated with these three people. Each one reminded me of a time and place that I once belonged to.

There's this brilliant quote from Doctor Who that says, "However dark it got, I'd turn around and there they'd be. If it's time to go, remember what you're leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me." I believe this is true for me. My friends have always, always been the best part of my life and even when time goes by & I lose touch, it doesn't mean that their friendship, their influence still doesn't effect me. It's a constant thing. A good friend isn't easily forgotten.

Not that I would ever want to forget them.

Love you.
Mean it.

George Bailey, kindness, and karma

Here's the thing. I do believe in karma. But I don't believe in the hippie-dippie idea of karma. I don't believe in a grand force of checks and balances that rewards the good and punishes the bad. That seems too similar to a god-esque power. Like nearly every other part of my own belief system, my idea of karma is based on mankind or, more specifically, "what men do." To illustrate this point, let us consider the classic Christmas movie, "It's a Wonderful Life."

If you haven't seen this movie, you really should. It's brilliant. It's often considered the greatest Christmas movie of all time. I'm not going to recount the entire synopsis here but here are some key points. George Bailey (played by Jimmy Stewart) has spent his entire life sacrificing his dreams and his wants for the dreams and wants of others. He does this not because he's some altruistic, unrealistic saint. He does it because he's a good person and those close to him need help.

The antagonist is Old Man Potter, a banker who is motivated solely by self-interest. He is the antithesis of George in almost every conceivable way. Oh, and they're business rivals,  btw.

Anyway, George's uncle accidently misplaced the business's $8,000 while on his way to deposit it. Potter finds it and keeps it from the uncle. Because of this, George's business is going to go bankrupt. George is in such distress, he wishes he'd never been born. Then the main part of the movie happens where we see what life would've been like for the town & George's family if he'd never been born, yada, yada, yada.

Skip to the end. After George has his vision, he goes back home and is so happy to be alive. Then someone wonderful happens. When the people of the town found out that George was in trouble, they all flocked to his home to give him money so that his business wouldn't go under. He even gets a telegram from an old friend in London who's going to send him twenty-five thousand dollars. Towards the end of the commotion, George's brother comes in and makes a toast, "A toast to my big brother George: The richest man in town."

What happened to George illustrates my belief in karma. George was a good person. He helped everyone he knew and he was kind to them in their time of need. When there came a time when he himself needed help, people were more than willing to come to his aid. This is what I mean by karma. When you are kind to people and help them when they need help, they will always remember that so when the time comes you need help, they will come running. If you are unkind, selfish, and take advantage of others, no one is going to be there for you when you need help.

This point is also illustrated in Doctor Who. In the last episode of series six, "The Wedding of River Song," the Doctor is going to die. Without giving away too many details, River Song explains something to him:

"I've been sending out a message. A distress call. Outside the bubble of our time. The universe is still turning and I've sent a message everywhere. To the future and the past, the beginning and the end of everything. 'The Doctor is dying. Please, please help.' Those reports of the sun spots and the solar flares. They're wrong. They're aren't any. It's not the sun. It's you. The sky is full of a million million voices, saying, 'Yes. Of course we'll help.' You've touched so many lives, saved so many people. Did you think when you're time came you'd really have to do more than just ask? You've decided that the universe is better of without you. But the universe doesn't agree."

This is beautiful to me. The Doctor has done so much to help so many people. And when he needed help, their answer was, "Yes. Of course we'll help." I've said this before several times but I do believe it is true, people remember kindnesses. People remember when someone helped them and when someone was kind to them. And when karma comes around and that kind person needs help, the reply from all those people whose lives were touched will always be, "Yes. Of course we'll help."

Love you.

Mean it.

Revised rules with an asterisk

Really super recently, I posted a revised set of rules. It took my previously posted set of rules and narrowed it down to just four. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized even then I hadn't covered everything. Now I believe I have a set of revised rules with an asterisk.

See, the thing is that I'm willing to break rules 1-3 if every a friend needed my help. I've written before about how much friendship means to me and what it means to be a friend. When I consider someone to be my friend, they receive fierce loyalty and unwavering trust. I guess that's why I chose my friends carefully.

That's why I'm so willing to do something stupid, be unkind, and lie if my friend needs me. I can remember very specific examples of doing all of those things because a friend needed me. I can remember doing all of them in a single night, in fact.

I will not, however, break a promise. Like I stated before, trust means everything to me and I'm not willing to break that trust with anyone.

But those other three rules, if my friend needs me, they kind of go out the door.
Cause that's what friends do.

Love you.
Mean it.

#104: When you look back at all of your exes, what do they all have in common?

You may recall a while ago, I  asked you all to pick which question I would answer next. I know I said I'd answer it in a few weeks but I never did. So this is me, finally getting around to it. Anyway, the question with the most votes was: When you look back at all of your exes, what do they all have in common?

When I look back at all my exes, first, I realize I have a lot to look back on. If we only count from high school on, I've dated the following guys (mostly in order with maybe a misplacement or two): Derrek, Alex, Jason, Kendall, Danny, Dan, Adam, Conrad, David, Andrew, Brian, Sage, Greg, Augustus, Nick, and Scott. I don't know if that's a lot comparatively but I suppose that doesn't matter. It is what it is.

Anyway, here are some of the things that my exes have had in common:

1. They have all been relatively laid-back.
Instances: Alex, Jason, Danny, Dan, Adam, Conrad, David, Brian, Sage, Greg, Augustus, and Scott.

In all honesty, all of my exes have been pretty laid-back. The names I left out weren't necessarily neurotic or anxious. They just weren't as laid back as the others.

I view myself as a mostly laid-back person. I don't like to get riled up. I hate complicated situations. And I'd much rather spend my weekend with friends watching a movie or hanging out than going out partying or clubbing.

I'm not attracted to guys who aren't laid-back. In my mind (which is probably a sexist assumption invented by our patriarchal society and embedded in my brain) the opposite of being laid-back is being high maintenance, a quality I would attribute to women more than men. However, since I don't see myself has being high maintenance, if my guy is more high maintenance than me, I feel like the guy in the relationship (which is one thing I hate).

2. They've all been able to make me laugh.
Instances: Alex, Jason, Conrad, David, Brian, Sage, Augustus, Nick, Scott.

I have always found a sense of humor to be very attractive. This is probably why a good part of my exes have been able to make me laugh. I can't stand to be around stiff, serious people. I like to be around people who can find the humor in about every situation.

3. They've all been relatively poor.
Instances: Alex, Jason, Adam, David, Andrew, Brian, Sage, Greg, Augustus, Nick, Scott.

The other day my friend asked me if I have ever dated a sugar daddy. I replied, "Are you kidding? I considered myself lucky if they guy I was dating had a job."

I've never dated a guy who had a ton of money. As a couple, we did everything on the cheap. I've never been showered with expensive gifts (or really gifts at all) or been taken out to nice restaurants. Which, honestly, is fine with me. I think it'd be weird to date someone who did those things.

4. They've all been passionate about something.
Instances: Everyone except Andrew

They guys I date usually have at least one passion. For some (in fact, a good amount) it was drumming. For others, it was art. For others, it was just being really super smart. Not being passionate about something  is what I would consider a deal breaker. I don't know what Andrew's problem was. He honestly wasn't passionate about anything. But he was a rebound off of a year & a half relationship so I cut myself some slack when it comes to him.

That's all the similarities I can think of for right now. If I remember any others, I'll be sure to let you know.

Love you.
Mean it.

Revised Rules

A while ago, I made a list of rules, a code to live by. It consisted of 53 rules, which can be read here and here. While my intentions were somewhat good, I realized very quickly that having 53 rules memorized is a complicated matter, not to mention just following all of those rules. It left no "wiggle room," if you will.

In my never ending quest to simplify my life, I've decided to do away with these 53 rules and reduce it down to just four. You may have heard me refer to these four rules in person. Well, here is where I'm explaining Kelly Cannon's four rules to live by.

Rule 1: Don't do anything stupid.
This is a pretty all encompassing rule and as such, it makes life a big easier to live. Sometimes I am asked what I mean by "stupid." What I mean by it is don't do anything you are going to regret later. If you do something and you regret it later, chances are what you did was a really stupid thing. This also ties into another idea I hold near and dear to me. It is in life there are good decisions, bad decisions, and fun decisions. The only difference between the bad decisions and the fun decisions is you don't regret the fun decisions. Bad decisions are stupid.

Rule 2: Be kind.
I've spoken about this several times. This is the foundation for my concept of what the purpose of life really is. Life is hard enough as it is without us making it harder for anyone else. At the very least, don't make anyone else's life more difficult by being mean. We should always try to show kindness to our fellow men. We should help people for no other reason than they need help. I've found that people will remember a kindness long after the kindness is extended. Case it point: the other day, a girl I knew in high school and I became friends on Facebook. It turns out she married one of my coworkers at the Review. Anyway, not long after we became friends, she posted on my wall, thanking me for always being so kind to her in high school. She was new and I had befriended her and treated her kindly. While I remember this girl from high school, I don't remember me being kind to her. That's not to say I was mean to her but I just don't remember going out of my way to be kind. I look back and thank high school me for being that way. Kindness makes a lasting impression. And we need more of it in this world.

Rule 3: Don't lie.
It has been my experience that lying makes everything worse. While initially it may make things easier, it will always catch up to you. Usually, when your lie is found out, not only is there trouble for what you were lying about but also from the fact you lied. Strangely enough, this is the rule I struggle with the most. And every time I break this rule, it bites me in the end and I am reminded why I have this rule to begin with.

Rule 4: Keep your promises.
I started following this rule not long after I met a man who would come to have one of the most profound influences on my life. He truly believed that a man is only as good as his word. Promises were a big deal to him. If someone promised to do something and they didn't do it, he lost trust and respect for them, something that was always exceedingly hard to gain back. I have since come to view promises much in the same way. If I promise to do something, I'm going to do it. If I promise to keep a secret, I will never tell. Unlike my third rule, this is possibly the easiest rule for me to follow. Perhaps it is because trust is so important to me that I won't do anything to compromise someone's trust in me.

So there are my four rules. What are yours?

Love you.
Mean it.

Wish in a trash can

I wrote my name on a piece of paper
and added your last name at the end.
I stared at it for only a moment
before ripping out the page
and folding it over and over
until the paper refused to bend anymore.
I held it in my hand
trying to force any good luck I may still have
into that tiny piece of paper.
And as I walked out the door
with nothing left to do
I threw my wish into the trash

Love you.
Mean it.