"I've been dating since I was 15. I'm exhausted. Where is he?"
-Charlotte York
Yes, yes. This is all about dating, mainly that I'm sick of it. Really super sick of it. The whole talking to guys, them talking to me, both of us trying to figure out if the other likes us, wanting to remain seemingly interested but not wanting to come off as desperate, going on one date but then wondering when it's okay to talk to them again, and on and on, blah, blah, blah. It's rather annoying. When I get on facebook and a girl from my graduating class is announcing the pregnancy of her second kid, I start to think that arranged marriages might not have been such a bad idea. It would eliminate all of this irritating dating crap and save a lot of worry, grief, and you wouldn't have your parents nagging you about if you've met anyone lately.
Of course, with arranged marriages there is always the chance of ending up with someone I didn't love and never could love. That would be rather sucky. I mean, I don't want to say that I'm a romantic cause I'm not. But I'm not as cynical to say that love doesn't exist (it's love, not the tooth fairy) even though at times it seems to strangely elude me. But in the long run, I'd rather put up with all this dating crap with the slight chance of falling in love then be stuck forever with someone I didn't love.
That's the thing. I don't mean to say that all those girls who are my same age and are married and are starting families did something wrong. They just found love quicker than I have. I'm not jealous. Okay, I am jealous that they no longer have to put up with this dating crap and I still do but I wouldn't trade my life for anything. I've had a plethora of experiences that have helped me grow as a daughter, a sister, a friend, a student, a writer, and just as a person. Yes, I've had shitty times, times when I felt alone and unloved but I've also had wonderful moments of true happiness. I'd like to think that all those shitty things that have happened to me happened for a reason. But, as so aptly stated by one of the Tremor Brothers in the movie Smokin' Aces, "Sometimes life just up and fucks you for no reason." Sometimes there were no pre-destined reason for the horrible things we go through but that doesn't mean we can't take something from it and go on with our lives a bit wiser.
I guess what I'm really trying to say is I hate dating. I really hate dating and I probably always will. But if I hold out, grit my teeth, and bear all this dating crap, while at the same time experiencing everything life has to offer me and learning as much as I can, then I might have a small chance of falling in love, getting married, having a family and everything else that implies. It's a long shot. Mathematically, the probability might be even smaller than I grasp but I'm going to hold on. I may be slightly foolish in believing that it'll all be worth it in the end. But for once I'm okay with being foolish. This is the one time I'd rather be foolish and optimistic than smart and cynical.
Love you.
Mean it.
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