It's that glorious time of year for cinephiles. It's the time when we save up our hard earned income, live at the movie theaters and survive off a balanced diet of soda & popcorn. It's almost summer, which means summer movies!
Oh frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!
I have taken the liberty of visiting apple trailers and picked out ones I am going to see, ones I'm going to avoid, and ones I haven't decided yet. If you're wondering why I not post the trailers here, it's not that I don't know how. It's that, when considering how many movies I'm going to go over, it's quite a feat & frankly, I'm lazy. So you can go and open up another tab on your browser and watch the movies yourself. I'm not going to do all the work, damnit. Also, it should be noted that these decisions have been mostly based upon the trailers, with a few also being supplemented by reading articles online or in Entertainment Weekly (which 1. I don't know why we have a subscription to Entertainment Weekly, and 2. Has a deceptive name since it comes out only bi-monthly and not "weekly").
Movies I Am Psyched Out of My Mind About
The High Cost of Living, May 13
First of all, it has Zach Braff playing a serious role as a chain-smoking drug dealer who hits a pregnant woman with his car. But he then tries to take care of her and make his & her life better. I'm trying to think of other movies Zach Braff has played a serious role in (The Last Kiss, Garden State(?) and...). But he looks like he pulls it off nicely. Of course, it may take a few minutes for me not to see him as J.T. from Scrubs but I have high hopes for this film.
The Help, Aug. 12
Before you ask, no. I have not read the book. But I am going to (promise 3 times) before I see the movie. The trailer looked charming. Emma Stone is my new favorite actress. I love her in nearly everything she's been in and I think she will be awesome in this movie. She plays a reporter (triple awesome points!) who writes about the lives of the African-American servants, cooks, nannies, maids, etc. in Jackson, Mississippi during segregation. It really does look like it would be a great combination of fun and importance, blending its message with an overall entertaining story. I'm excited.
Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Aug. 5
While it is true I'll see anything with James Franco, this looks so cool. Now, before you go all ape-shit (pun very much intended) about how the last remake Planet of the Apes (2001) was just awful (and, yes. It was pretty icky as movies go, despite it staring Mark Wahlberg & Tim Roth. You have to remember that it was directed by Tim Burton and while he may have had a few successes (see: Nightmare Before Christmas & Big Fish), it's basically a crap shoot whether he's going to turn out something awesome or an abortion of a movie (see: Sweeney Todd & Corpse Bride)) I promise you, this movie looks legitimately awesome. It's basic story is how we got from the present time to the "future" that Charlton Heston found himself in the original Planet of the Apes (1968) where *Spoiler Alert* Earth had been taken over by apes & monkeys. (The original is well worth your time if you haven't seen it. Just seeing Charlton Heston say, "Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!") The CGI apes & monkeys look pretty realistic, which only adds to the unsettling factor of the whole story.
Cowboys & Aliens, July 29
Two of my favorite genres, believe it or not, are science-fiction & westerns. These two rarely come together with pleasing results (the exception, of course, being the TV show Firefly and the movie based on the TV show Serenity (or was it the other way around? I always forget in these "chicken/egg" situations). However, this movie looks promising. I mean, with a title like Cowboys & Aliens it gets right to the point of the whole movie. Plus, I like Daniel Craig. He's rugged, stoic, and has the most enchanting blue eyes I have ever seen. And with the James Bond movies on hiatus until further notice *wipes away a tear* we need to see Craig in more kick-ass roles. I hope this one will suit him.
The Perfect Host, July 1
This looks awesome! First, we don't get to see David Hyde Pierce nearly enough. He's brilliant. (I have a theory that a male actor with 3 names is always worth watching. Case in point: Neil Patrick Harris, Tommy Lee Jones, Joseph Gordon-Leavitt, etc.) In this role he plays a man who seems normal enough who is at home preparing for a "dinner party" when a bank robber bursts into his home looking for a place to hide. Pierce seems weak and willing to submit when suddenly things are not what they seem. Turns out all of the "guests" of Pierces's dinner party are figments of his demented imagination. The robber is now at the mercy of this off-balanced psycho, who, in classic David Hyde Pierce, is still a gentleman, which makes it all the more unsettling. Oooo! I'm excited!
Thor, May 6
Green Lantern, June 17
Captain America, July 22
Do I even need to explain to you all why I want to see these movies? They're going to be awesome! First of all, I don't think I need to mention how much my level of dorkiness rises when talking about comic books (I am currently wearing a Green Lantern shirt. It's okay to feel jealous. I know I'm awesome). Now, add in my dorkiness over movies and I'm too dorky to function. They look really, really promising and I love love love that Ryan Reynolds is playing the Green Lantern. He's one of my favorites. Sigh, summers are awesome when you have 3 comic book movies to look forward to.
Hesher, May 13
There are no words to describe how much I want to see this movie. Well, okay, I'm going to take a whack at it. This movie is a limited release, meaning it is not coming to Utah. The closest place it's showing is Denver. I am wiling to go to Denver (the current preferred mode of transportation is a train cause, c'mon, who doesn't love trains?) to see this film. It has Joseph Gordon-Leavitt & Natalie Portman (two of my favorite actors/actresses) and looks kick-ass. If you don't watch any other trailer from this list, watch that one. Do it now. I'll wait...You back? Good. Wasn't that awesome & well-worth the trip to Denver???
Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows, Part 2--July 15
I know if I don’t throw this up there, there’s going to be an angry mob outside my house wearing robes (black ones a la Hogwarts, not white ones a la KKK) howling for my blood as they raise their store bought $50 wands in rage. The fact of the matter is I stopped watching the movies after the third one. I’m not a huge fan of when they take books I’ve read & loved and turn them into movies. This is especially true when it’s a series. I invested a lot of time and emotion into reading those books. And I don’t care if you have Martin Scorcesee directing them (hmmm... that would be interesting...). It’s not going to be as good as the books. Period. But if there are people out there who will dress up and wait in line for hours to see the midnight showing, more power to you. Those people did the same for the book releases, which I think is pretty kick-ass & needs to happen more.
I know if I don’t throw this up there, there’s going to be an angry mob outside my house wearing robes (black ones a la Hogwarts, not white ones a la KKK) howling for my blood as they raise their store bought $50 wands in rage. The fact of the matter is I stopped watching the movies after the third one. I’m not a huge fan of when they take books I’ve read & loved and turn them into movies. This is especially true when it’s a series. I invested a lot of time and emotion into reading those books. And I don’t care if you have Martin Scorcesee directing them (hmmm... that would be interesting...). It’s not going to be as good as the books. Period. But if there are people out there who will dress up and wait in line for hours to see the midnight showing, more power to you. Those people did the same for the book releases, which I think is pretty kick-ass & needs to happen more.
Pirates of the Caribbean 4: On Stranger Tides--May 20th
First of all, really? You guys have already sucked this franchise into one really good movie, one rather lame, mediocre movie, and one more decent movie. Now you’re going to keep going? How many more nonsensical hole-filled plot-lines can you guys shell out? Don’t get me wrong. The first Pirates movie was delightful. I like Captain Jack Sparrow as much as the next person. But, as with most trilogies that weren’t originally planned to be trilogies, it was all down hill from there. It’s time to bury the dead horse and stop beating the poor thing, okay?
Transformers 3: Dark Side of the Moon--July 1
No, Michael Bay. No. Did you see that last abortion you called a Transformer movie? I mean, I know you’re a fan of explosions and so am I. But it was a little much for me (and that’s saying something). And did you really have to hypersexualize Megan Fox that much i.e. doesn’t she know there is no motorcycle repair that requires you to lie out on the seat of the bike in shorts that are better suited for underwear? (Trust me, I know this for a fact). I mean, I know she’s not the best actress in the universe (i.e. she’s just awful) but she is a person, not an object for men to fantasize over later. Not to mention, a Transformer that “needs” to have testicles swinging from its loins is just stupid. You did graduate from fifth grade, didn’t you Mr. Bay? So no, I will not see your third attempt at a Transformer movie. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...
X-Men: First Class, June 3
I’m sorry, I didn’t see the third X-Men movie or the one that focused on Wolverine. I was bored with the franchise. It wasn’t nearly as cool as I thought it would be. You can chalk that up to high expectations or me being a film snob. Whatever.
Horrible, Horrible, Dear God, How Were These Allowed To Be Created, Movies to Avoid
Bridesmaids, May 13
Basically the Hangover but with chicks. Yawn.
Bad Teacher, June 24
It’s about a horrible, horrible teacher (played by Diaz, who is possibly the worst actress ever) who suddenly starts teaching her kids (in horrible, horrible ways) so she can win a bonus for the highest test scores so she can get a boob job to impress a new good teacher (Timberlake). Call up the Academy right now!
Basically the Hangover but with chicks. Yawn.
Bad Teacher, June 24
It’s about a horrible, horrible teacher (played by Diaz, who is possibly the worst actress ever) who suddenly starts teaching her kids (in horrible, horrible ways) so she can win a bonus for the highest test scores so she can get a boob job to impress a new good teacher (Timberlake). Call up the Academy right now!
Friends with Benefits, July 22
Didn’t they already make this movie? **cough, cough, No Strings Attached, cough, cough**
Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World, Aug. 14
Really, Robert Rodriguez? Don’t get me wrong, I like your stuff but, really? Anytime you have to attach the number 4 to a title (or 3 or even 2 for that matter), you really need to think it over. Ask yourself “Is this Toy Story?” If the answer is no, step away from the movie.
Meh, I Could Go Either Way (That’s what she said)
Didn’t they already make this movie? **cough, cough, No Strings Attached, cough, cough**
Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World, Aug. 14
Really, Robert Rodriguez? Don’t get me wrong, I like your stuff but, really? Anytime you have to attach the number 4 to a title (or 3 or even 2 for that matter), you really need to think it over. Ask yourself “Is this Toy Story?” If the answer is no, step away from the movie.
Meh, I Could Go Either Way (That’s what she said)
The Tree of Life, May 27
I’ve watched the trailer for this movie several times and ever time I do, I am uncomfortable for some unknown reason. I don’t know if that will be how it feels during the entire course of the movie or just a fluke with the trailer.
Midnight in Paris, May 20
Looks like an interesting enough story. But it’s a drama & it has Luke Wilson so you can understand my initial skepticism.
The Big Bang, May 13
Might be a fun movie to see. There won’t be much of a plot but at least it knows that. It looks good in that post-modern, ironic, wink-wink kind of way, which can be enjoyable.
Everything Must Go, May 13
I love Raymond Carver’s stories (I just finished the collection What We Talk About When We Talk About Love. Great stuff.) but I’m hesitant to go see this. Basically cause Will Ferrell seems to be more “Will Ferrell” than is necessary for this role. I mean, I know he can do drama (see: Stranger Than Fiction) but the reason he was so delightful in that movie was he didn’t seem like he was exhausting himself trying to get us to laugh and in that sense, Everything Must Go feels tired.
Beginners, June 3
I like Ewan McGregor and the plot looks interesting enough. I might give it a shot.
A Better Life, June 24
A remake of The Bicycle Thief, if I’ve ever seen one.
Midnight in Paris, May 20
Looks like an interesting enough story. But it’s a drama & it has Luke Wilson so you can understand my initial skepticism.
The Big Bang, May 13
Might be a fun movie to see. There won’t be much of a plot but at least it knows that. It looks good in that post-modern, ironic, wink-wink kind of way, which can be enjoyable.
Everything Must Go, May 13
I love Raymond Carver’s stories (I just finished the collection What We Talk About When We Talk About Love. Great stuff.) but I’m hesitant to go see this. Basically cause Will Ferrell seems to be more “Will Ferrell” than is necessary for this role. I mean, I know he can do drama (see: Stranger Than Fiction) but the reason he was so delightful in that movie was he didn’t seem like he was exhausting himself trying to get us to laugh and in that sense, Everything Must Go feels tired.
Beginners, June 3
I like Ewan McGregor and the plot looks interesting enough. I might give it a shot.
A Better Life, June 24
A remake of The Bicycle Thief, if I’ve ever seen one.
Mr. Popper’s Penguins, June 17
I loved this book growing up. I’m skeptical but keeping my fingers crossed. Plus it has Angela Lansbury! Who can say no to that???
I loved this book growing up. I’m skeptical but keeping my fingers crossed. Plus it has Angela Lansbury! Who can say no to that???
Another Earth, July 22
Looks interesting enough... But I need more info before dedicating myself.
Looks interesting enough... But I need more info before dedicating myself.
The Hangover II, May 26
The first one was pretty funny but, again, unless movies were originally meant to have a sequel or be a trilogy, I'm hesitant and skeptical. I don't know. Maybe it'll be good? The trailer looks like a rehashing of all the same jokes delivered in a different context. I'll keep my fingers crossed but I won't be surprised if it sucks.
Movies That Have Already Come Out But I Haven't Got Around To Seeing Them Yet But I Will. I Promise. Three Times.
The Bang Bang Club, April 22
I bet this movie has a limited release but looks well worth the time and effort to see it. It looks gritty, unsettling, moving, poignant, raw, and honest. I will see this movie.
HANNA, April 8
I've heard excellent things about this movie & seems to be just up my alley: violence, corrupted government, powerful not-hypersexualized leading lady. Good stuff.
The Music Never Stopped, March 18
After I saw the trailer for the first time, I described it as charming and delightful. As I've mentioned before, I don't know shit about popular music. But this film looks like a great way to learn, while also enjoying a great story.
Conspicuously Missing Movies
Anything that’s horror. I don’t do horror unless it’s at home and I have a guy’s arm to bury my face into.
So that's it, dear & faithful readers. I'll be surprised if you were able to get through all of this. I'll be even more surprised if you're not concerned over how intense my love of movies is. But it's okay. I'm just as God (or whoever/whatever) made me.
Love you.
Mean it.
No comments:
Post a Comment