I was driving home from an overall weird & slightly uncomfortable experience last night when it dawned on me: a lot of my personality or, more specifically, my interests have stemmed from me trying to impress a guy.
It's true, in a shockingly high number of instances.
I started listening to Dashboard Confessional to impress David, Dropkick Murphys to impress Scott, and Ben Folds to impress Joe. I started reading Russian Literature and Chuck Palahniuk to impress Brian, comic books to impress Joe, The Walking Dead to impress Jarom, and Heart of Darkness to impress J.R.. I started watching Sons of Anarchy to impress Andy and Dr. Who to impress Joe. I started dabbling in photography to impress Sage and philosophy to impress Gus & Brian. There are other examples but this is probably sufficient to make my point.
The thing is while I became interested in these various things to impress a guy, I now genuinely like them and enjoy participating in them. I've read boatloads of Russian Literature & comic books, and everything ever written by Chuck Palahniuk. Ben Folds & the Dropkick Murphys are two of my favorite bands (Dashboard was for a very long time in my life but I have since grown out of them). I love Sons of Anarchy, Dr. Who, photography & philosophy.
It makes me feel weird knowing that the initial interest in these various things stemmed from trying to get a guy to notice me. But I don't think it should matter now. I mean, if I didn't enjoy these things, I probably would stop doing time, right? But I really, really do enjoy them. I guess in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter where the origin of your interests comes from as long as your continued interest is genuine.
Love you.
Mean it.
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