My Atticus pt. 2

I don't know how you do it, Atti.

You're there for me when I need you to tell me what to do or just to let me know things are going to work out. I mean, you don't even say anything that I don't already know. But hearing you say it always makes me feel better. You're straightforward and honest. But you believe in me. Sometimes it feels like you have more confidence in me than I do. But I'm glad you do.

It's getting harder, Atti. Harder to see purpose in what I'm doing.  I feel like I'm trapped in a perpetual state of 3 a.m. and I can't seem to find my way to tomorrow.  Every morning is suppose to bring me new energy, new strength to keep going, to become someone I've always wanted to be. But lately I awake to mornings lacking connection, lacking a sense of familiarity. I wake up and it's like I never slept. My ambition feels more like a burden than a motivator and part of me thinks I can't make it happen, I can't be successful in my passion.

That's why I love you, I guess. You believe in me more than most people. And you remind me why I should believe in myself. You once told me I'm too hard on myself and I have to live in a world that never reaches my expectations. Both are true, they've always been true I guess. Maybe I need to be less critical of myself and the world. Or maybe I just need you around more often to remind me to stop seeing the darkness and look for the light.

If I ever do write a book, I might dedicate to "my yellow bird." You deserve it more than most in my life.

Love you.
Mean it.