As Heard in the Newsroom, Part 3

This is going to be the last As Heard in the Newsroom for a while. The semester is over. The last issue hit the shelves yesterday. And while we will pick it back up in June for a bi-monthly circulation in the summer and back to our normal weekly circulation in the fall, it won't be the same. Some are graduating & going on to bigger and better things. Some are leaving to focus on other things in life. But I will say this: Being apart of the staff of the UVU Review has been one of the most challenging, rewarding, delightful, hilarious, and uplifting experiences in my life. And I am very, very thankful that I got to be a part of it and that I will continue to be apart of it for the upcoming year.
Cheers.

Part 1

Part 2

That guy kind of looks like he has a mustache even though he doesn’t have a mustache.
-Dave Newlin

It was jarring to see such a fat head on a skinny body.
-Dave Newlin

I didn’t throw it at you. It just happen to hit you.
-Dave Newlin

I am choosing not to believe you.
-Dave Newlin

Wait, one more thing! Cease clapping!
-Dave Newlin

I had drinking to do.
-Dave Newlin

You should’ve given it to Barlow.
Barlow would’ve screwed it up.
Yes, but he would have done it.
-Dave Newlin & John-Ross Boyce

I Dear John-ed him with 2 months left. Then I got a divorce so the joke’s on me!
-Elyse Taylor

I want cheese & I want danishes & I want them at the same time.
-Elyse Taylor

I need to start playing more video games.
Yeah, that’s a good idea.
-Gilby Cisneros & John-Ross Boyce

I like that last statement.
-Jake Buntjer

That was false. That was not a factual statement.
-Jake Buntjer

Who wants to pay me to be a yoga instructor?
-Jarom Moore

The pen is mightier than the sword but I have a bat.
-Jarom Moore

Am I crunking now?
-Jarom Moore

I’m off to go write about some woman.
Write fast.
-Jarom Moore & Andrea Whatcott, on a Friday

If you guys had a sword, could you kill a lion?
It’s all about timing so yes!
-Jarom Moore & Dave Newlin

Barlow is our Ringo, in a good way.
-John-Ross Boyce

They were uber puritan pukes.
-John-Ross Boyce

I will never donate blood. It’s mine. I earned it.
-John-Ross Boyce

I need to look these up. What movie does Nic Cage run around screaming, “I’m a vampire!”?
-John-Ross Boyce

Nadia, I hate everything but that burn.
-John-Ross Boyce in response to Nadia's insult about a writer.

I would use [a sperm bank] like an ATM.
-John-Ross Boyce

We’re like the grumpy old men from the Muppets.
Yes we are.
-John-Ross Boyce & Nadia Ashtawy

Cause nothing says fancy like italics.
-Kelly Cannon

Some of us weren’t alive during the depression.
Don’t worry. We’ll have our chance.
-Kelly Cannon & Jarom Moore

Can you guys whisper a little louder? I can’t read lips.
No!
-Kelly Cannon & Jarom Moore

That song is so funny & creepy yet romantic
-Lex Bourgeous

I know I’m suppose to be college fluent by now but I’m not.
-Mindy Harward, about speaking Spanish

How are you going to present them?
Poorly is my best guess.
-Mindy Harward & Jarom Moore

Cause in the 60s...
It was cool to lie.
-Mindy Harward & Nadia Ashtawy

I’m not a connoisseur of anything.
-Nadia Ashtawy

Yeah! Play that at my bar mitzvah!
-Nadia Ashtawy

But it’s really hard to make eye contact with chickens.
-Nadia Ashtawy

I don’t like the name Math Lab. It sounds too much like Meth Lab.
-Nadia Ashtawy

It’s not a virginal name.
-Nadia Ashtawy

I try to be an equal opportunity slammer.
-Robbin Anthony

Love you.

Mean it.