Lately, I've been the odd-man-out more than normal. I've got a lot of married friends or friends in committed relationships. It's nice that they invite me out with them & I typically have an enjoyable time. But there is always this nagging irritation in the back of my head that makes me painfully aware that I'm a third, fifth, seventh, etc. wheel in the group.
I haven't been in a relationship since September of 2009. It's been so long, I'm starting to forget how they work, especially how they start. A group of us were talking the other day about break ups. I had to reach back into the dusty archives of my memories to recall the reasons for the various break ups in my life. It's been so long since I was in a relationship, I think it's safe to say I am very much out of practice.
I was talking to my friend Gus about this whole "being single" thing and he concluded I'm just in a shitty situation. For starters, I'm not going to date a Mormon. It's not that I have anything against Mormons. A lot of my favorite people are Mormon and they are (for the most part) very lovely people. The reason I won't date a Mormon is because I am not a Mormon and, as such, I cannot go where a typical Mormon guy eventually wants to go in a relationship (i.e. a temple marriage). I wouldn't want to take something away from him that means that much to him and it doesn't look like I'm going to re-convert anytime soon so we might as well avoid that whole painful situation by me just saying no to all Mormon prospects.
Second, I do have somewhat of an intelligence prerequisite for the guys I date. I know I am a pretty smart girl and, as such, I tend to enjoy the company of intelligent guys over not so intelligent ones. Gus says that my small pool of Non-Mormon options is further shrunk by this desire for intelligence in a boyfriend. This is not to say there aren't guys out there who fit both criteria. It just thins the herd if you will. Now, take your small group of intelligent Non-Mormon guys in Utah Valley and then remove all of those who aren't single. This leaves us with an even smaller group, if you can imagine. Now I have to find someone within this terribly small group whom not only I find attractive but also finds me attractive. And, considering how sometimes I'm too awkward to function, you can see the problem.
Yep, Gus summed it up quite nicely: Shitty Situation.
Fixing this situation may require me to move to a new locale or frequenting different establishments for entertainment. I'm not sure exactly. People always say it's when you're not looking for love that you find it. I don't know if I believe that. I've been through many a period of looking, not looking, glancing, hiding, hunting, & waiting, and nothing has ever come of it.
I just don't know what to do anymore. As I said, nothing I've tried has worked and I'm getting tired. I am getting used to spending my weekends alone, though even after I typed that it sounds even more pathetic than it did in my head. I don't need constant entertainment or love or whatever you want to call it. If you regularly frequent this blog, you know what I want.
I want someone to come home to. I want to be able to get through all of the shitty days I'm bound to have because I know he will be home waiting for me. That's all, really. And I don't think that's too much to ask.
Love you.
Mean it.
You need to throw away your list of who you think you should date. That is a huge problem people have. I'm not saying that you should settle for whatever you can get, but you need to be more open. You never know what you will find when you are more open to dating everyone instead of the small amount that you want to date. I really think it would help you out. I throw away my list and I dated some losers and ones that I am embarrassed I dated. But then I ended up with Greg and he is better then my list. He had qualities that I never even thought of. Be more open Kelly, and you will end up with someone great!
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