New year. New semester. New found attention?
Possibly.
I don't know what it is about this 2011, but I've been realizing a lot of guys are finally paying attention to me, or at least noticing me more. I'm catching a lot of guys "staring" at me--not in that creepy, heavy-breathing kind or way but in that way that suggests they are interested in or intrigued by my me. Now, the only reason this is so incredibly odd to me is last year (the goddamn cursed year of 2010) I could have rented a giant neon sign that magically floated above my head that flashed the words "NOTICE ME!" and I wouldn't have even turned a head. Now I catch guys all the time looking at me for the first time. And all I've been thinking about is WTF?
But it gets even better (and odder) than that. Not only are guys just noticing me more, but guys are always trying to engage me in some form of a flirtatious conversation. It's happening all over the place, in classes, in interviews, even on just random moments of downtime in the halls of UVU. And even more odd is it isn't limited to single guys. I've had two MARRIED guys engage me in a very flirtatious (and very uncomfortable for me) conversations. Just last night while riding TRAX home from Salt Lake, I was sitting across from this guy who looked about my age. It was very obvious he had a ring on but after looking up from my book and catching him looking at me more than a few times, he struck up a conversation with me. It was a pleasant enough conversation minus the fact he was very conspicuously flirting with me. Now, I am down for pretty much any experience but I draw the line at encouraging any form of infidelity and flirtatious conversations fit into that category.
Now, I don't want to get too ahead of myself. There is a very strong possibility that all of this is in my head, that it's all just wishful thinking. Maybe this new found attention, while real, is not a positive thing. Maybe all of this attention stems from the fact I have this tendency to be too awkward to function. I put my foot in my mouth on a daily basis and tend to go on verbal tangents about subjects that either A) No one knows anything about, or B) no one cares about (or more often than not, a combination of the two).
But for the sake of argument, let's pretend that this new found attention is both real and a good thing. The question that then pops into my head is why now? What has happened that has caused this sudden change? Why are guys noticing me now when I was next to invisible all last year? I haven't changed in anyway way (as far as I can tell). And for the most part, a good chunk of these guys who suddenly seem so intrigued by me are not new to my life. They've known me (or known of me) for a while now. And why it's perfectly normal for one guy to all of a sudden become interested in me, for five or six guys to simultaneously realize they suddenly give a damn about me is just too preposterous to fathom.
Something must have changed. The real sucky part is if the change was on my part, I'm screwed. I have no freaking idea what I've been doing differently. That is a very useful little piece of information. Because what if one day no one notices my existence again? Then, since I don't know what I did in the first place to get guys' attention, I can't bloody well do it again.
My life is tragic.
Love you.
Mean it.
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