Lessons from Doctor Who

If you didn't know already, I am a huge fan of Doctor Who. It's a freaking brilliant television show. The other day, I was chatting with my dear friend Joe (who is the guy who first introduced me to Doctor Who) and we were discussing tattoos and how I really want a Doctor Who quote tattooed on me somewhere. The only trouble is there are so many great quotes from Doctor Who that I'm not sure I could pick just one.

The thing is Doctor Who provides a lot of really great lessons/ideas/whatever you want to call them and I'm convinced if people watched Doctor Who and took those lessons/ideas/whatever to heart, I think (cliche aside) the world would be better. So here are some quotes from Doctor Who that have inspired me the most (and some I just like for the hell of it).


Can it be that I have the world entirely wrong?

Not wrong. There's just more to learn.

–Charles Dickens & The Doctor, "The Unquiet Dead"

1941. Right now, not very far from here, the German war machine is rolling up the map of Europe. Country after country, falling like dominoes. Nothing can stop it, nothing. Until one tiny, damp little island says "No. No, not here." A mouse in front of a lion. You're amazing, the lot of you. I don't know what you did to Hitler, but you frighten the hell out of me.

–The Doctor, "The Empty Child"

Then prove yourself, Doctor! What are you? Coward, or killer?
Coward. Any day.

–Dalek Emperor & The Doctor, "The Parting of Ways" 

The universe has to move forward. Pain and loss, they define us as much as happiness or love. Whether it's a world or a relationship, everything has its time. And everything ends.

–Sarah Jane, "School Reunion"

Some things are worth getting your heart broken for.

–Sarah Jane, "School Reunion"

Don't worry Reinette, it's just a nightmare. Everyone has nightmares; even big scary monsters from under the bed have nightmares, don't you, monster?
What do monsters have nightmares about?
Me! Ha!

–The Doctor & Reinette, "The Girl in the Fireplace"

What's a horse doing on a spaceship?
Mickey, what's pre-revolutionary France doing on a spaceship? Get a little perspective!

–Mickey & The Doctor, "The Girl in the Fireplace"

One may tolerate a world of demons for the sake of an angel.

–Reinette, "The Girl in the Fireplace"

They're people.
They were. 'Til they had all their humanity taken away. It's a living brain jammed inside a cybernetic body. With a heart of steel. All emotions removed.
Why no emotion?
Because it hurts.

–Rose & The Doctor, "Rise of the Cybermen"

How do we do that?
Oh, I'll think of something.
You're just making this up as you go along.
Yep. But I do it brilliantly.

–Mickey & The Doctor, "The Age of Steel"

But if this is the original, does that make it real? Does that make it the actual Devil?
Well, if that's what you want to believe. Maybe that's what the Devil is in the end: an idea.

–Ida & The Doctor, "The Satan Pit"

I've seen fake gods and bad gods and demi-gods and would-be gods. Out of all that, out of that whole pantheon, if I believe in one thing–just one thing–I believe in her.

–The Doctor, "The Satan Pit"

I believe I haven't seen everything, I don't know. It's funny, isn't it? The things you make up—the rules. If that thing had said it came from beyond the universe I'd believe it, but before the universe... that's impossible. It doesn't fit in my rules. Still, that's why I keep traveling. To be proved wrong.

–The Doctor, "The Satan Pit"

So, there you go. Turns out I've had the most terrible things happen. And the most brilliant things. Sometimes, well, I can't tell the difference. They're all the same thing. They're just me.

–Elton, "Love & Monsters"

When you're a kid, they tell you it's all "Grow up. Get a job. Get married. Get a house. Have a kid," and that's it.But the truth is, the world is so much stranger than that. It's so much darker. And so much madder...And so much better.

–Elton, "Love & Monsters"

Doctor, they've got guns.
And I haven't. Which makes me the better person, don't you think? They can shoot me dead but the moral high ground is mine.

–Rose & The Doctor, "Army of Ghosts"

You are proof...That emotions destroy.
Yeah, I am. Mind you, I quite like hope. Hope's a good emotion.

-Cyberman & The Doctor, "Doomsday"

You step on a butterfly, you change the human race.
Then don't step on any butterflies. What do you have against butterflies?

–Martha & The Doctor, "The Shakespeare Code"

Some people live more in twenty years than others do in eighty. It's not the time that matters, it's the person.

–The Doctor, "The Lazarus Experiment" 

There's no such thing as an ordinary human.
–The Doctor, "The Lazarus Experiment"

People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect. But actually from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey... stuff.

–The Doctor, "Blink"

Mankind doesn't need warfare and bloodshed to prove itself. Everyday life can provide honour and valour. Let's hope that from now on this country can find its heroes in smaller places. In the most ordinary of deeds.

–John Smith (The Doctor), "Human Nature"

Name?
General Staal of the Tenth Sontaran Battle Fleet. "Staal The Undefeated!"
Oh that's no good. What if you get defeated? "Staal The Not-Quite-So-Undefeated-Any-More-But-Never-Mind?"

–The Doctor & General Stall, "The Sontaran Stratagem" 

We always have a choice.

–The Doctor, "The Doctor's Daughter"

You want weapons? We're in a library! Books! The best weapons in the world!

–The Doctor, "Silence in the Library"

I never land on Sundays. Sundays are boring.

–The Doctor, "Silence in the Library"

I'm not scared.

'Course you're not! You're not afraid of anything. Box falls out of the sky, man falls out of the box, man eats fish custard. And look at you, just sitting there. So you know what I think.
What?
Must be a hell of a scary crack in your wall.

–Amelia & The Doctor, "The Eleventh Hour"

One little girl crying. So?
Crying silently. i mean children cry because they want attention. 'Cause they're hurt or afraid. When they cry silently it's 'cause they just can't stop.

–Amy & The Doctor, "The Beast Below"

What are you going to do?
What I always do. Stay out of trouble. Badly.

–Amy & The Doctor, "The Beast Below"

Now then. Rory. We need to talk about your fiancée. She tried to kiss me. Tell you what though, you're a lucky man. She's a great kisser...Funny how you can say something in your head and it sounds fine.

–The Doctor, "Vampires of Venice"

Anywhere you want. Any time you want. One condition: it has to be amazing.

–The Doctor, "Vampires of Venice"

That's the one thing that doesn't make sense. Let's go poke it with a stick.

–The Doctor, "Amy's Choice"

Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up.

–The Doctor, "The Hungry Earth"

Lovely place to grow up 'round here.
I suppose. I want to live in the city one day. As soon as I'm old enough I'll be off.
I was the same way where I grew up.
Did you get away?
Yeah...
Do you ever miss it?
So much.

–The Doctor & Elliot, "The Hungry Earth"

Have you met monsters before?

Yeah.
Are you scared of them?
No. They're scared of me.

Elliot & The Doctor, "The Hungry Earth"

You know, it seems to me there's so much more to the world than the average eye's allowed to see. I believe, if you look hard, there are more wonders in this universe than you could ever have dreamed of.

–Vincent Van Gogh, "Vincent and the Doctor"

The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa. The bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant. And we definitely added to his pile of good things.

–The Doctor, "Vincent and the Doctor"

Has anyone ever told you that you're a bit weird?

They never really stop.

–Craig & The Doctor, "The Lodger"

Never ignore a coincidence. Unless you're busy. In which case always ignore a coincidence.

–The Doctor, "The Pandorica Opens"

People fall out of the world sometimes but they always leave traces. Little things we can't quite account for. Faces in photographs. Luggage. Half-eaten meals. Rings. Nothing is ever forgotten, not completely. And if something can be remembered it can come back.

–The Doctor, "The Pandorica Opens"

The Universe is big. It's vast and complicated and ridiculous. And sometimes—very rarely—impossible things just happen and we call them miracles.

–The Doctor, "The Pandorica Opens"

Your girlfriend isn't more important than the whole universe.

She is to me!

–The Doctor & Rory, "The Big Bang"

You'll remember me a little. I'll be a story in your head. That's okay. We're all stories in the end. Just make it a good one, eh? 'Cause it was, you know. It was the best.

–The Doctor, "The Big Bang"

I hate you.
No you don't.

–River Song & The Doctor, "The Impossible Astronaut"

Yeah, right. Cursed. It's big with humans. It means bad things are happening but you can't be bothered to find an explanation.

–The Doctor, "The Curse of the Black Spot"

Biting's excellent! It's like kissing. Only there's a winner.

–Idris, "The Doctor's Wife"

You want to be forgiven.

Don't we all?

–Amy & The Doctor, "The Doctor's Wife"

Then you stole me. And I stole you.
I borrowed you.
Borrowing implies the eventual intention to return the thing that was taken. What makes you think I would ever give you back?

–Idris & The Doctor, "The Doctor's Wife"

Okay, right. I don't... I really don't know what to do. That's a new feeling.

–The Doctor, "The Doctor's Wife"

You didn't always take me where I wanted to go.
No, but I always took you where you needed to go.

–The Doctor & Idris, "The Doctor's Wife"

Look at you pair. It's always you and her isn't it? Long after the rest of us have gone. A boy and his box off to see the universe.
Well, you say that as if it's a bad thing. But honestly it's the best thing there is.

–Amy & The Doctor, "The Doctor's Wife"

Yes, it's insane. And it's about to get even more insaner. Is that a word?

–The Doctor, "The Rebel Flesh"

Doctor I am frightened. I'm properly, properly scared.

Don't be. Hold on. We're coming for you, I swear. Whatever happens, however hard, however far, we will find you.

–Amy & The Doctor, "The Almost People"

The anger of a good man is not a problem. Good men have too many rules.
Good men don't need rules. Today is not the day to find out why I have so many.

Madame Kovarium & The Doctor, "A Good Man Goes to War"

My whole brain just went "What the hell."

–The Doctor, "A Christmas Carol"

Oh, you should always waste time when you don't have any. Time is not the boss of you. Rule 408.

–The Doctor, "Let's Kill Hitler"

Don't run. Now I know you're scared. But never run when you're scared. Rule 7. Please.

–The Doctor, "Let's Kill Hitler"

That's what it's called. Pantophobia. Not fear of pants though, if that's what you're thinking. It's the fear of everything. Including pants, I suppose. In that case... Sorry. go on.

–The Doctor, "Night Terrors"

You know when sometimes you meet someone so beautiful and then you actually talk to them and five minutes later they're as dull as a brick? Then there's other people, when you meet them you think, "Not bad. They're okay." And then you get to know them and... and their face just sort of becomes them. Like their personality's written all over it. And they just turn into something so beautiful.

–Amy, "The Girl Who Waited"

It goes up, tiddly up! It goes down, diddly down. For only £49.99, which I personally think is a bit steep. But then again, it's your parent's cash and they'll only waste it on boring stuff like lamps and vegetables. Yawn!

–The Doctor, "Closing Time"

Doctor, are you going to kiss me?
Yes, Craig. Yes I am. Would you like that? Bit out of practice but I've had some wonderful feedback.

–Craig & The Doctor, "Closing Time"

Yeah, you always win. You always survive.
Those were the days.

–Craig & The Doctor, "Closing Time"

You could be anything. You could walk amongst the stars. They don't actually look like that you know. They're a lot more impressive.You know when I was little like you I dreamt of the stars. Yeah. I think it's fair to say, in the language of your age, that I lived my dream. I owned the stage. Gave it a hundred and ten percent. I hope you have as much fun as I did, Alfie.

–The Doctor, "Closing Time"

You went back in time. That means you used up your hours. what about Exidor?
What about you being in trouble with Sophie when she comes back? I couldn't let that happen.
You used up your time for me?
Of course I did. You're me mate.

–Craig & The Doctor, "Closing Time"

You mentioned a woman.
Yes. I'm getting to her.
What's she like? Attractive, I assume.
Hell. In high heels.

–Winston Churchill & The Doctor, "The Wedding of River Song"

Why would you do this? Of all the things you've told me, this I find hardest to believe. Why? To invite your friends to see your death?
I had to die. I didn't have to die alone.

–Winston Churchill & The Doctor, "The Wedding of River Song"

However dark it got, I'd turn around an there they'd be. If it's time to go, remember what you're leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.

–The Doctor, "The Wedding of River Song"

And you are forgiven. Always and completely forgiven.

–The Doctor, "The Wedding of River Song"

Love you.

Mean it.

Things I thought I'd know by now, Part 2

Back in August of 2010, I made a list of things I thought I'd know by now. I reread it for some reason and I'm very proud to say that I have learned some stuff. Here's what I know:

#1–I do know what kind of information you need to exchange when you get in a car accident. I learned this by, well, getting in a car accident. Gaining knowledge is not always fun.

#3–I know how to change a tire. I learned this by getting a flat tire at the end of my shift at Pizza Hut and having Trevor and Adam come out and help me change it.

#8–I know now when to use 'who' & 'whom.' (Hint: it depends on whether or not you're using it as the subject or object of the sentence. Grammar rules!)

#7–I know how to pick a good pineapple (Hint: pull one of the leafy things from the middle at the top. If it comes out easily, it's ripe). (Shout out to Davey Morrison Dillard for his help on that one).

#9–I know when to use 'effect' and 'affect.' (Hint: effect = noun; affect = verb). (Shout out to Davey Morrison Dillard for help on that one.)

So those are the things I now know from that list. I have also learned a few things just by, you know, living:

1. I know how the game of baseball works, the history of the sport, and a lot of the slang involved in the game.
2. I know that Joan Crawford & Bette Davis hated each other.
3. I know how to cut a pineapple (Hint: howtocutapineapple.com)
4. I know how to care for a tattoo.
5. I know how to give a little child eye drops/ear drops (Hint: wrap them up in a blanket and sit on them.)
6. I know how to check to see if there's going to be frost on your car in the morning
7. I know how to use twitter (follow me @mskellycannon)
8. I know a lot about feminist film theory
9. I know how to tell a convincing lie.
10. I know what the Doppler effect is.
11. I know what Schrödinger's cat is.
12. I know when it's okay to run a yellow light (in the legal sense).
13. I know how to take decent photos.
14. I know how to write a resume & cover letter
15. I know how a zollying shot is taken in the movies.

However, I've found there are plenty of other things I thought I'd know by now that I really don't. Here are just a sample of my new quandaries.

1. How to buy/rent an apartment in another state.
2. What's the difference between a good bourbon and a cheap bourbon (i.e. what's the difference between Maker's Mark and Old Crow?)
3. How to curl my hair with a curling iron
4. How to shave my legs so that they stay smooth longer
5. Whether I prefer salted or unsalted butter
6. How a combustible engine works
7. How a microwave works
8. How often one should change their sheets
9. What are good qualities to look for in a diamond
10. How to properly choose make up that's appropriate for my skin tone, etc.
11. How early is too early for a job interview
12. How to polish silver
13. How wrestling is scored
14. How crayons are made

I guess I don't have much to complain about. I mean, this is kind of what life is about, learning new things and then realizing there's so much more I don't understand about the world around me. It's depressing and exciting at the same time.

Oh, and I still don't know how much it costs to get something dry cleaned.

Love you.
Mean it.

20 things I learned in 2011

1. Always trust your gut. 
2. Be kind. People remember kindnesses. 
3. First impressions are not always right. But neither are second impressions, third impressions, nor fourth impressions. Sometimes you can be completely wrong about someone. 
4. It's a small world and will continually get smaller. 
5. After receiving rejection, take the rest of the day to get all the disappointment, frustration, self-loathing, etc. out & done with so tomorrow you can begin your attack once again. 
6. If you're unhappy alone, being with someone isn't going to change that.
7. Figure out what you believe in and then believe in it heart & soul. 
8. Your actions should always reflect what you believe in. 
9. Sometimes things work out. Other times things get a lot worse. And most of the time, there's nothing you can do to ever change that. 
10. Parents are a never-ending source of love and support. They will always, always be there for you, even if you don't want them to be. 
11. Friends are one of life's greatest gifts. Never give them up without a fight. 
12.  Sometimes avoiding something is more agonizing than actually confronting your problem. 
13. Don't let assholes ruin your day. 
14. You never have to do anything you don't want to do. It is your life and you get to make the decisions. However, you don't have a choice when it comes to the consequences of your decisions. You have to deal with those. 
15. The most awful day in the world can seem a million times better by coming home and having a dog run and jump into your arms. 
16. It is nearly essential for people to have that one friend whom you can trust & rely on. Knowing someone is close who cares keeps you sane. 
17. Sometimes the most powerful things you can say should never be shouted. 
18. Believe in yourself. Sometimes you are all you've got. 
19. Embrace every aspect of yourself. It's the combination of every last detail of yourself that people fall in love with every day. Never be ashamed of that. 
20. Live your life in a way that you feel like you're falling in love every time you wake up. 

Love you.

Mean it. 

Revised Rules

A while ago, I made a list of rules, a code to live by. It consisted of 53 rules, which can be read here and here. While my intentions were somewhat good, I realized very quickly that having 53 rules memorized is a complicated matter, not to mention just following all of those rules. It left no "wiggle room," if you will.

In my never ending quest to simplify my life, I've decided to do away with these 53 rules and reduce it down to just four. You may have heard me refer to these four rules in person. Well, here is where I'm explaining Kelly Cannon's four rules to live by.

Rule 1: Don't do anything stupid.
This is a pretty all encompassing rule and as such, it makes life a big easier to live. Sometimes I am asked what I mean by "stupid." What I mean by it is don't do anything you are going to regret later. If you do something and you regret it later, chances are what you did was a really stupid thing. This also ties into another idea I hold near and dear to me. It is in life there are good decisions, bad decisions, and fun decisions. The only difference between the bad decisions and the fun decisions is you don't regret the fun decisions. Bad decisions are stupid.

Rule 2: Be kind.
I've spoken about this several times. This is the foundation for my concept of what the purpose of life really is. Life is hard enough as it is without us making it harder for anyone else. At the very least, don't make anyone else's life more difficult by being mean. We should always try to show kindness to our fellow men. We should help people for no other reason than they need help. I've found that people will remember a kindness long after the kindness is extended. Case it point: the other day, a girl I knew in high school and I became friends on Facebook. It turns out she married one of my coworkers at the Review. Anyway, not long after we became friends, she posted on my wall, thanking me for always being so kind to her in high school. She was new and I had befriended her and treated her kindly. While I remember this girl from high school, I don't remember me being kind to her. That's not to say I was mean to her but I just don't remember going out of my way to be kind. I look back and thank high school me for being that way. Kindness makes a lasting impression. And we need more of it in this world.

Rule 3: Don't lie.
It has been my experience that lying makes everything worse. While initially it may make things easier, it will always catch up to you. Usually, when your lie is found out, not only is there trouble for what you were lying about but also from the fact you lied. Strangely enough, this is the rule I struggle with the most. And every time I break this rule, it bites me in the end and I am reminded why I have this rule to begin with.

Rule 4: Keep your promises.
I started following this rule not long after I met a man who would come to have one of the most profound influences on my life. He truly believed that a man is only as good as his word. Promises were a big deal to him. If someone promised to do something and they didn't do it, he lost trust and respect for them, something that was always exceedingly hard to gain back. I have since come to view promises much in the same way. If I promise to do something, I'm going to do it. If I promise to keep a secret, I will never tell. Unlike my third rule, this is possibly the easiest rule for me to follow. Perhaps it is because trust is so important to me that I won't do anything to compromise someone's trust in me.

So there are my four rules. What are yours?

Love you.
Mean it.

Who I Am: A List

I haven't done a list in a while. I like making lists. It's how I function, how I manage myself, and how I keep things organized.

There's been a lot of talk around me lately as to the definition of self and whether it's possible to find yourself or if you only create yourself. I've also been having some odd experiences lately where I judge a person to be one way and they insist they are another. I, stupidly, decide to believe them, only to discover they are a blind fool who doesn't know the first thing about themselves. This typically results in me getting hurt and being extremely frustrated with myself for ever doubting my first judgement. It amazes me that people, myself included, can believe they are one way and it's simply not true. I've always tried to know who I am and be comfortable with who I am. I want to know who I am, both good qualities and bad. So here's a list of who I think I am. Hopefully, I'm not too far from the truth...

1. I am a writer.
2. I am a reader & lover of books.
3. I am clever. 
4. I am intelligent. 
5. I am aggressive.
6. I am awkward.
7. I am spunky. 
8. I am generally nice.
9. I can be hostile & angry.
10. I am loud.
11. I am creative.
12. I am caring.
13. I am a good friend.
14. I am an intellectual snob.
15. I am a cinephile.
16. I am no good at forgiveness. 
17. I am overweight.
18. I am dorky.
19. I pretend to be brave but I am not. 
20. I'm a pansy when it comes to pain.
21. I get emotional when I'm sick. 
22. I'm a sucker for animals, especially dogs & cats. 
23. I hate exercising.
24. I hate nature. 
25. I am a feminists. 
26. I am straight and I support gay rights.
27. I talk too much.
28. I am passionate about nearly everything I do.
29. If I don't want to do something, there is hardly anything on this Earth that can make me do it. 
30. I am stubborn as hell. 
31. I am lonely a lot of the time.
32. I struggle with depression and have since I was 14 or so. 
33. I try to be open minded. 
34. I am easily bored & irritated.
35. I drink more Mountain Dew than is probably healthy.
36. I generally hate girls. 
37. I'm funny.
38. I'm sarcastic. 
39. I don't care what the average person thinks of me but I care immensely what certain people I respect think of me. 
40. I am a leader.

There's a lot more too me, I know. But this will have to do for now.

Love you.

Mean it. 

Cinematic Lessons

Being the Cinephile that I am, I spend copious amounts of time watching movies. If I took all the time I've spent watching movies and used it for something more productive, I'm pretty sure I would've cured cancer by now.

However, this is not to say I haven't learned something from all the movies I have seen. Movies have this ability to show us what really matters. Picasso once said, "Art is the lie that makes us realize the truth." Movies, as an art-form, are able to teach us lessons in truth that stick with us. Sometimes these are just one line from the movie. But it does stick with us. So, without further ado, here is a list of lessons movies have taught me. 

1. It's not personal. It's business. -The Godfather
2. Don't ever take sides against the family. -The Godfather
3. It's time to nut up or shut up. -Zombieland
4. Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken. -Fight Club
5. There are 24 usable hours in every day, thank you. -Empire Records
6. In this life, there are nothing but possibilities. -Empire Records
7. I do not regret the things I have done but those I did not do. -Empire Records
8. Don't fuck with the people who handle your food. -Waiting
9. Even the Mona Lisa is falling apart. -Fight Club
10. Evey: Who are you? V: What I am is a man in a mask. Evey: Well, I can see that. V: Of course you can. I'm not questioning your powers of observation. I'm merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked man who he is. -V for Vendetta
11. Evey: Is everything a joke to you, Gordon? Gordon: Only the things that matter. -V for Vendetta
12. Delia: Is it too late to apologize? V: Never. Delia: I'm so sorry. -V for Vendetta
13. Valerie: It seems strange that my life should end in such a terrible place, but for three years I had roses and apologized to no one. -V for Vendetta
14. This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time. -Fight Club
15. On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero. -Fight Club
16. The things you own end up owning you. -Fight Club
17. Now, we must all fear evil men. But there's another kind of evil which we must fear most, and that is the indifference of good men. -Boondock Saints
18. You're right, actually. I am pretty, --I am pretty troubled and I'm, I'm pretty confused. But I...and I'm afraid. Really, really afraid. Really afraid. But I...I think you're the fucking antichrist. -Donnie Darko
19. What is learning? It's paying attention. It's opening you up to the big ball of shit we call life. And what's the worst thing that could happen is you get bit in the ass. Well, let me tell you, my ass looks like hamburger meat but I can still sit down. -Accepted
20. We all end up dead. It's just a question of how and why. -Braveheart
21. Mister, you got a lot to learn about people. -Silverado 
22. I've got a touch of hangover, bureaucrat. Don't push me. -McLintock
23. Hans: This time John Wayne does not walk into the sunset with Grace Kelly. John: That was Gary Cooper, asshole. -Die Hard
24. If you get all of us together, we ain't got a gang. We've got an army. -Gangs of New York
25. When you kill a king, you don't stab him in the dark. You kill him where the entire court can watch him die. -Gangs of New York
26. Ever notice how you come across somebody once in a while you shouldn't have fucked with? That's me. -Gran Torino
27. Thao: What was it like to kill someone? Walt: You don't want to know. -Gran Torino
28. The thing that haunts a guy is the stuff he wasn't ordered to do. -Gran Torino
29. You know the best part? It isn't knowing that your friends have your back. It's knowing that you have your friends' back. -Greenstreet Hooligans 
30. Good friends are one of life's blessings. Don't give them up without a fight. -Harriet the Spy
31. It's the wood that should fear your hand, not the other way around. No wonder you can't do it, you acquiesce defeat before you even begin. -Kill Bill, Vol. II
32. Plank: Ah! They fucking shot me! Dog: Well, fucking shoot 'em back! -Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels
33. You shook Sinatra's hand. You should know better. -Ocean's Thirteen
34. Well, be careful, man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork. -Pineapple Express
35. Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something. -The Princess Bride
36. Half of writing history is hiding the truth. -Serenity
37. I don't care what you believe in, just believe in it. -Serenity
38. You should never underestimate the predictability of stupidity. -Snatch
39. Desperation is a stinky cologne. -Super Troopers
40. I'm not too worried about it, really. I wouldn't worry about it. Don't worry about it. I'm not worried at all. 
41. Because it's a book about a man who doesn't know he's about to die. And then he dies. But if a man does know he's about to die and dies anyway, dies,--dies willingly, knowing that he could stop it, then-- I mean, isn't that the type of man who you want to keep alive? -Stranger than Fiction 
42. As Harold took a bite of Bavarian sugar cookie, he finally felt as if everything was going to be ok. Sometimes, when we lose ourselves in fear and despair, in routine and constancy, in hopelessness and tragedy, we can thank God for Bavarian sugar cookies. And, fortunately, when there aren't any cookies, we can still find reassurance in a familiar hand on our skin, or a kind and loving gesture, or subtle encouragement, or a loving embrace, or an offer of comfort, not to mention hospital gurneys and nose plugs, an uneaten Danish, soft-spoken secrets, and Fender Stratocasters, and maybe the occasional piece of fiction. And we must remember that all these things, the nuances, the anomalies, the subtleties, which we assume only accessorize our days, are effective for a much larger and nobler cause. They are here to save our lives. I know the idea seems strange, but I also know that it just so happens to be true. And, so it was, a wristwatch saved Harold Crick. -Stranger than Fiction
43. Dr. Hilbert: Hell, Harold. You could just eat nothing but pancakes if you wanted. Harold: What is wrong with you? Hey, I don't want to eat nothing but pancakes, I want to live! I mean, who in their right mind in a choice between pancakes and living chooses pancakes? Dr. Hilbert: Harold, if you pause to think, you'd realize that the answer is inextricably contingent upon the type of life being led...and, of course, the quality of the pancakes. -Stranger than Fiction. 
44. We're having too good a time today. We ain't thinking about tomorrow. -Public Enemies
45. I know your head aches; I know you're tired; I know your nerves are as raw as meat in a butcher's window. But think what you're trying to accomplish. Think what you're dealing with. The majesty and grandeur of the English language, it's the greatest possession we have. The noblest thoughts that ever flowed through the hearts of men are contained in its extraordinary, imaginative, and musical mixtures of sounds. And that's what you've set yourself out to conquer Eliza. And conquer it you will. -My Fair Lady
46. There's a time when a man needs to fight, and a time when he needs to accept that his destiny is lost...the ship has sailed and only a fool would continue. Truth is...I've always been a fool. -Big Fish
47. See, to him, there's only two women: your mother and everyone else. -Big Fish
48. You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain. -The Dark Knight
49. If you're good at something, never do it for free. -The Dark Knight
50. If you can't do something smart, do something right. -Serenity
51. Life is a banquet, and most poor sons-of-bitches are starving to death. -Mame
52. Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. -Ferris Bueller's Day Off
53. Judy: Love means never having to say you're sorry. Howard: That's the dumbest thing I ever heard. -What's Up, Doc?
54. Terry Benedict: The last time we talked, you hung up on me. Rusty Ryan: You used nasty words. -Ocean's Twelve
55. It's amazing how fast the world can go from bad to total shit storm. -Zombieland

Love you.

Mean it. 

Books I Own, Part 2

This is an addition to the list I posted back in October. I've come into owning 25 books since then.

1. The Best of H.P. Lovecraft: Bloodcurdling Tales of Horror and the Macabre by H.P. Lovecraft
2. Bluebeard by Kurt Vonnegut
3. Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut
4. Crime & Punishment: A Graphic Novel by Fyodor Dostoyevsky, et al
5. Documentary Film: A Very Short Introduction by Patricia Aufderheide
6. Documentary: A History of the Non-Fiction Film by Erik Barnouw
7. Fictions of the Empire by Joseph Conrad, Robert Louis Stevenson & Rudyard Kipling
8. Film Art: An Introduction by David Bordwell et al
9. Gunn's Golden Rules: Life's Little Lessons on Making It Work by Tim Gunn
10. Hellboy: Masks and Monsters by Mike Mignola, et al
11. Hocus Pocus by Kurt Vonnegut
12. Looking at Movies: An Introduction to Film by Richard Barsam
13. A Passage to India by E.M. Forster
14. Post Office by Charles Bukowski
15. The Quiet American by Graham Greene
16. The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro
17. Rudyard Kipling's Tales of Horror & Fantasy by Rudyard Kipling
18. The Sandman, Vol. 1: Preludes & Nocturnes by Neil Gaiman
19. Saturday by Ian McEwan
20. A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again by David Foster Wallace
21. Telling True Stories by Mark Kramer & Wendy Call
22. The Walking Dead, Vol. 1: Days Gone By by Robert Kirkman, et al 
23. The Walking Dead, Vol. 2: Miles Behind Us by Robert Kirkman, et al
24. The Walking Dead, Vol. 3: Safety Behind Bars by Robert Kirkman, et al
25. What We Talk About When We Talk About Love by Raymond Carver

Love you. 

Mean it. 

People/Things I Like & You Should Too

Writers
David Foster Wallace

Stephen King
Kurt Vonnegut
Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Chuck Palahniuk
Charles Bukowski

Joseph Conrad
Leo Tolstoy
Alice Walker
Sloane Crosely
Angela Davis
Cormac McCarthy
Ernest Hemingway
Hunter S. Thompson

Nathaniel Hawthorne
John Steinbeck

Graham Greene
Jack Kerouac

J.D. Salinger
F. Scott Fitzgerald
Mary Shelley
Allen Ginsberg
Truman Capote
Edgar Allan Poe
Betty Friedan
Gloria Steinem
Neil Gaiman
Steig Larsen
Terry Pratchett
Oscar Wilde
Rudyard Kipling
Pearl S. Buck
Douglas Adams
Thomas Hardy
Alexander Pushkin
Stephen Crane
Tennessee Williams
Franz Kafka

Actors/Directors
Quentin Tarantino
Robert Rodriguez
Michael Caine
Marlon Brando

Clint Eastwood
Robert DeNiro

Tina Fey
Cary Grant
Jude Law
Katherine Hepburn
Humphrey Bogart
Ryan Reynolds
Alfred Hitchcock
Woody Harrelson
Martin Scorsese
Joel Coen
Ethan Coen
Meryl Streep
Helen Mirren
Judi Dench
Harrison Ford
Morgan Freeman
Matt Damon
Leonardo DiCaprio
Sandra Bullock

Colin Firth
Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Edward Norton
Orson Welles
Adrien Brody
Al Pacino
Woody Allen
James Franco
Jeff Bridges
Natalie Portman
Justin Long
Liam Neeson
John Wayne
Guy Richie

Movies
Too many. Please go here.

People in General

Jon Stewart

Anderson Cooper

Condoleezza Rice

Rachel Maddow

Ellen Degeneres

Bands/Musicians
Bright Eyes
Dropkick Murphys
Brand New
Ben Folds
Motion City Soundtrack
Flogging Molly
Streetlight Manifesto
The Format
Death Cab for Cutie
Weezer
Lady Gaga
Fiona Apple
Regina Spektor
Postal Service
Alanis Morissette

Jimmy Eat World
Green Day
Blink 182
Barenaked Ladies
Nirvana
Augustana

Television Shows
The Daily Show

30 Rock

Better Off Ted
Arrested Development
Psych
The Big Bang Theory
The Mentalist
Hawaii Five-O
Criminal Minds
How I Met Your Mother
Raising Hope
Doctor Who
Firefly
Dexter
NCIS
NCIS: Los Angeles

Love you.

Mean it.

Kelly's Favorites: 2005(ish) vs. 2011

So an ex-boyfriend of mine brought me a list I made around 2005 (maybe 2004. I'm not positive) titled "Kelly's Favorites." Before giving it to me, he made me guess what I had put then. I got nearly all of them wrong. Some of them I didn't even have a vague guess. It was really funny. So I decided to compare my answers then to now, see what has changed. So here we go:

Kelly's Favorites: 2005 (or 2004)

Color: Kelly Green

Number: 6 or 12

Videogame: Mario Party or Monkeyball

Band: Dashboard Confessional, Flogging Molly, Postal Service

Song: "Jaime" by Dashboard, "What's Left of the Flag" by Flogging Molly, "Such Great Heights" by Postal Service

Food: not vegetables, or Italian food

Scripture: 2 Nephi 31:20

Scripture Hero: Captain Moroni

Movie: Thinker movies & Empire Records

Musical: My Fair Lady, The Fantastiks, & Phantom of the Opera

Artist: Norman Rockwell, Van Gogh, Pollock

Disney Movie: Finding Nemo

Cookie: Chocolate chip or Milano

Sport: Football

Sports Team: Colts

Cartoon: Fairly Oddparents

Religion: LDS, Buddhist

Apostle: Thomas S. Monson

Flower: Daisy

Drink: Bawls & Jones Soda

Animal: Duck

Book: Ender's Game

Holiday: Christmas

Subject: English or Drama

Class: Drama & Shakespeare

Teacher: Mr. White & Ms. Gleason

Seminary Teacher: Bro. Hinton & Bro. Degn

Name: Jack & Jamie

Collectable: Glass bottles

Word: Phenomenon

Saying: "Ender will save us all" or "There's more to life than underwear."

Favorite Shakespeare Woman: Beatrice or Katherine

Kelly's Favorites 2011
Color: Green
Number: 7 or 9
Videogame: I don't know...Super Mario Bros? Zelda?
Band: Bright Eyes, Dropkick Murphys, Ben Folds
Song: "Let's Not Shit Ourselves (To Love and To Be Loved) by Bright Eyes, "(F)lannigan's Ball" by Dropkick Murphys, "Tiny Dancer" by Ben Folds
Food: Indian or Asian in general
Scripture: Ummm.... No comment
Scripture Hero: Again, no comment
Movie: Sleuth, Smokin' Aces, Lock, Stock, & Two Smoking Barrels
Musical: I don't know... still My Fair Lady, I guess.
Artist: Van Gogh, Pollock, Degas
Disney Movie: Finding Nemo
Cookie: Chocolate chip or Milano
Sport: Football
Sports Team: Colts
Cartoon: Batman: The Animated Series, Animaniacs
Religion: Buddhism, Catholicism... Does Atheism count?
Apostle: No Comment
Flower: Daisy
Drink: Mountain Dew
Animal: Duck
Book: Anna Karenina, Breakfast of Champions
Holiday: Christmas
Subject: English or Philosophy
Class: American Lit., Journalism
Teacher: Robbin Anthony, Dr. Mark Crane
Seminary Teacher: Bro. Hinton & Bro. Degn, I guess. They were pretty cool guys.
Name: Gloria Peach, Gracie Tulip, Jovie Camille, Alice Coraline, Atticus Sage, Jude Casteel, Damian Thomas, Jesse Conrad, Bryan Augustus
Collectable: Small Buddha statues
Word: Requiem, Pretentious, Fastidious
Saying: "Be so good at what you do that they can't ignore you." "Have your adventures, make your mistakes, and choose your friends poorly--all these make for great stories" -Chuck Palahniuk
Favorite Shakespeare Woman: Beatrice or Katherine

So there you go.

Love you.
Mean it.

Some of my Favorite Quotes

Due to circumstances that were completely in my control, I didn't get much sleep last night. I was in a state of waking & sleeping from about 1:30 a.m. till 5:00 a.m. when I decided to wake up and really mean it.

What does this have to do with you, dear reader? Nothing really, except what I had intended on waking up and writing about (either why I started writing, how feminism & being a feminist is considered a bad thing nowadays or the mortifying awfulness that was my Wednesday night) will have to be postponed until I sleep and therefore make sense.

But fear not, faithful reader. I have not left you alone on this cold January morning. What you may or may not know about me is I am a collector of quotes. I have been since high school. I don't know why but I do. So here I present you with a list of some of my favorite quotes to help you jump start you day.

"Money can't buy happiness. But it can buy marshmallows, which is pretty much the same thing."

-Unknown

"A man can get along with any woman as long as he does not love her."

-Oscar Wilde

"Be careful to cast out the devil. You may be casting out the best part of you."

-Edgar Allan Poe 

"Women who aspire to be equal to men lack ambition."

-Timothy Leary

"Sometimes I feel discriminated against but it does not make me angry. It merely astonishes me. How can anyone deny themselves the pleasure of my company? It's beyond me."

-Zora Neale Hurston

"The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about."

-Oscar Wilde

"People are always wondering how to get blood out of their clothes. I you have big blotches of blood on your clothes, laundry is the least of your problems."

"If you're robbing a bank and your pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh. And let the hostages laugh too. Cause, c'mon, life's funny."

-Jack Handy

(Also my senior quote)

"Call me sadistic, but there is something great about watching Nazis get shot in the face."

-Chris Bodily about Inglorious Basterds.

"We read to know we are not alone."

-C.S. Lewis

"Doesn't reincarnation strike you as just another form of procrastination?"

-Chuck Palahniuk

"A good story should make you laugh and a moment later break your heart."

-Chuck Palahniuk

"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars."

-Kahlil Gibran

"The strength of a family, like the strength of an army, is in its loyalty to each other."

-Mario Puzo

"He who does not punish evil, commands it to be done."

-Leonardo da Vinci

"I have loved to the point of madness, that which is called madness, that which to me is the only sensible way to love."

-Francoise Sagan

"Experience is a brutal teacher. But you learn--my God, do you learn."

-C.S. Lewis

"I have the choice of being constantly active and happy or introspectively passive and sad. Or I can go mad by ricocheting in between. 

-Sylvia Plath

"You begin saving the world by saving one may at a time; all else is grandiose Romanticism or politics."

-Charles Bukowski

"Do you realize that all great literature--Moby Dick, Huckleberry Finn, A Farewell to Arms, The Scarlet Letter, The Red Badge of Courage, The Iliad & The Odyssey, Crime & Punishment, the Bible, and The Charge of the Light Brigade--are all about what a bummer it is to be a human being?"

-Kurt Vonnegut

"If you don't stick to your values when they're being tested, they're not values--they're hobbies."

-Jon Stewart

"A free soul is rare, but you know it when you see it--basically because you feel good, very good, when you are near or with them"

-Charles Bukowski

"A learning experience is one of those things that say, 'You know that thing you just did? Don't do that.'"

-Douglas Adams

"I love deadlines. I love the sound they make as they fly by."

-Douglas Adams

"I had a teacher I liked who used to say good fiction's job was to comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable."

-David Foster Wallace. 

That's all for now. It's now 7:41 a.m. and I need to shower. I have a breakfast date with my Numero Uno.

Love you. 

Mean it. 

How to Name Some of My Favorite Books/Stories/Poems, a Handy Flow(ish) Chart

The other day, someone asked me my least favorite question:

"What is your favorite book?"

Honestly, how can I answer this? It'd be like choosing my favorite reason for existing. It just can't be done. Whenever I am asked this question, I usually list a bunch of "groups," such as Classic Russian Literature, American Realism, etc., and then throw in some specific names of writers (Chuck Palahniuk, Kurt Vonnegut, Fyodor Dostoyevsky, David Foster Wallace, etc.) for good measure. 

The trouble is I can't recall a time when I wasn't reading. Most parents have to drag their kids kicking and screaming to get them to read a single book. My parents had the problem of getting me to stop reading. In elementary school, I would often be reading four or five books at once. My mom once asked me why I read so many at a time. I told her that when I get bored with reading one, I can switch to another until that one becomes boring and I switch again. My mom then asked me why I didn't just do something else when my book became boring. She told me I gave her a look like the thought had never crossed my mind. 

Today, my friends are also annoyed by how much I read. Once I was over at a friend's house with my small close group of friends. We sat down at the kitchen table and the newspaper was lying on top of the table. I casually pulled it closer to me when it was suddenly snatched away from me by Paige. "Kelly, no. Every time you read something, you get lost in your own world and are lousy at conversation," she explained and took the rest of the newspaper into the other room. 

After being asked that stupid question of my favorite book for the umpteenth time, I figured out  a system, a process of elimination where I could name my favorite book/story by trying to narrow down the pool of options. It goes as such:

1. Is the Author American or European?
1. American 
1. Is the Author Living or Dead?
1. Living
1. Is the Author a Man or a Woman?
1. Woman
1. Sloane Crosley
1. I Was Told There’d Be Cake
2. Alice Walker
1. The Color Purple
3. Harper Lee
1. To Kill a Mockingbird
2. Man
1. Chuck Palahniuk
1. Fight Club
2. Survivor
3. Stranger than Fiction
4. Diary
5. Lullabye
6. Choke
7. Tell-All
8. Rant
2. Dean Koontz
1. Odd Thomas
2. Forever Odd
3. Brother Odd
4. Odd Hours
3. David Sedaris
1. Naked
2. Dress Your Family in Jeans &  Corduroys 
4. Alan Moore
1. V for Vendetta
2. Watchmen
3. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
5. Cormac McCarthy
1. No Country for Old Men
6. Stephen King
1. The Green Mile
2. The Shinning
7. Frank Miller
1. All Star Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder
2. Batman: The Dark Knight Returns
3. Batman: The Dark Knight Strikes Again
4. Sin City
5. 300
8. Max Brooks
1. World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War
2. Dead
1. Did the Author Die by “Natural Causes” or Committed Suicide?
1. Suicide
1. Ernest Hemingway
1. A Farewell to Arms
2. The Old Man & the Sea
3. “The Snows of Kilimanjaro” 
2. Sylvia Plath
1. The Collected Poems
3. David Foster Wallace
1. Consider the Lobster
2. Up, Simba
3. “Ticket to the Fair” (essay)
2. “Natural Causes”
1. Kurt Vonnegut
1. Slaughterhouse Five
2. God Bless You Mister Rosewater
3. Breakfast of Champions
4. Bluebeard
2. Nathaniel Hawthorne
1. The Scarlet Letter
2. Collected Short Stories
3. John Steinbeck
1. East of Eden
2. The Grapes of Wrath
3. Of Mice & Men
4. The Pearl
5. The Winter of Our Discontent
4. F. Scott Fitzgerald
1. The Great Gatsby
2. This Side of Paradise 
3. The Beautiful & the Damned
4. “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” 
5. “Babylon Revisited” 
5. Allen Ginsberg
1. Howl and Other Poems
6. Charles Bukowski
1. Run with the Hunted (poetry)
2. Mockingbird Wish Me Luck (poetry)
3. Love Is a Dog from Hell (poetry)
4. What Matters Most Is How Well You Walk Through the Fire (poetry)
5. The Night Torn Mad with Footsteps (poetry)
6. Slouching Toward Nirvana (poetry)
7. Come On In! (poetry)
7. Pearl S. Buck
1. The Good Earth
8. Truman Capote
1. In Cold Blood
2. Breakfast at Tiffany’s 
9. J.D. Salinger
1. The Catcher in the Rye 
10. Mark Twain
1. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer
2. Life on the Mississippi
3. Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
4. The Tragedy of Pudd’nhead Wilson
5. “What Is Man?” (Essay)
11. Edgar Allen Poe
1. “Lenore” (poem)
2. “The Raven” (poem)
3. “To Helen” (poem)
4. “A Dream Within a Dream” (poem)
5. “Annabel Lee” (poem)
6. “The Bells” (poem)
7. “The Fall of the House of Usher” 
8. “Never Bet the Devil Your Head” 
9. “The Oval Portrait” 
10. “The Masque of Red Death” 
11. “The Pit and the Pendulum” 
12. “The Tell-Tale Heart” 
13. “The Gold-Bug” 
14. “The Black Cat” 
15. “The Tale of the Ragged Mountains” 
16. “The Premature Burial” 
17. “The Cask of Amontillado” 
12. Raymond Carver
1. What We Talk About When We Talk About Love (collection of short stories)
13. Willa Cather 
1. O Pioneers!
2. My Antonia
14. Stephen Crane
1. The Red Badge of Courage
2. Maggie: A Girl of the Streets
15. Betty Friedan 
1. The Feminine Mystique
2. European
1. Is the author from the United Kingdom or continental Europe?
1. United Kingdom
1. Is the author alive or dead?
1. Alive
1. Terry Pratchett
1. Good Omens (co-author)
2. Neil Gaiman
1. Good Omens (co-author)
2. Coraline
2. Dead
1. Oscar Wilde
1. The Picture of Dorian Gray
2. An Ideal Husband (play)
3. Lady Windermere’s Fan (play)
4. The Importance of Being Earnest
2. James Joyce
1. Finnegan’s Wake
2. “The Dead” 
3. Rudyard Kipling
1. Tales of Horror & Fantasy (collection of short stories)
4. Bram Stoker
1. Dracula
5. Jane Austin
1. Pride & Prejudice
6. Aldous Huxley
1. Brave New World
7. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
1. The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes
8. Thomas Hardy
1. Jude the Obscure
9. Douglas Adams
1. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
10. Beatrix Potter
1. “The Tale of Peter Rabbit” 
2. “The Tale of Squirrel Nutkin”
3. “The Tale of Benjamin Bunny”
4. “The Tale of Two Bad Mice”
5. “The Tale of Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle”
6. “The Story of Miss Moppet”
7. “The Tale of Tom Kitten”
8. “The Tale of Jemima Puddle-Duck”
9. “The Tale of the Flopsy Bunnies”
10. “The Tale of Mrs. Tittlemouse”
11. “The Tale of Johnny Town-Mouse”
2. Continental Europe
1. Is the Author Russian or Other?
1. Russian
1. Dostoevsky
1. Crime & Punishment
2. The Brothers Karamazov
3. The Idiot
4. The Devils
5. Notes from Underground
6. House of the Dead
7. Poor Folk
2. Leo Tolstoy
1. Anna Karenina
2. War & Peace
3. The Death of Ivan Ilyich
3. Vladimir Nabokov
1. Lolita
4. Maxim Gorky
1. The Lower Depths (Play)
5. Alexander Pushkin
1. “The Bronze Horseman” (Poem)
2. Other
1. Hilarie Belloc (French)
1. Matilda, Who Told Lies & Was Burned to Death
2. Franz Kafka (German)
1. The Metamorphosis 
2. The Trial
3. The Grimm Brothers
1. “The Story of the Youth Who Went Forth to Learn What Fear Was” 
2. “The Twelve Brothers”
3. “Rapunzel” 
4. “Hansel & Gretal” 
5. “The Fisherman & His Wife” 
6. “The Valiant Little Tailor” 
7. “Cinderella” 
8. “The Riddle”
9. “The Seven Ravens” 
10. “Little Red Riding Hood” 
11. “The Singing Bone” 
12. “The Girl Without Hands” 
13. “The Elves & the Shoemaker” 
14. “Sleeping Beauty” 
15. “Little Snow White” 
16. “Rumplestiltskin” 
17. “The Golden Goose” 
18. “The Gold-Children” 
19. “The Peasant’s Wise Daughter” 
20. “Snow White & Rose Red” 
21. “The Glass Coffin” 
22. “The Peasant & the Devil” 
4. Hans Christian Anderson (Danish)
1. “The Little Match Girl” 
2. “The Little Sea Girl” 
3. “The Emperor’s New Clothes” 
4. “The Ice Maiden” 
5. “The Princess & the Pea” 
6. “The Red Shoes” 
7. “The Snow Queen” 
8. “The Steadfast Tin Soldier” 
9. “Thumbelina” 

*Titles italicized are books/novels/collections unless otherwise stated. 

**Titles in parenthesis are short stories unless otherwise stated. 

This was a complicated little piece of organization to create. I know I've left a large number of authors/writers but it was all just too much. I don't even know if I could honestly get through all of it when that stupid question is brought up in conversation. Maybe I should laminate it on some handy index-sized cards and pull them out whenever it is necessary.

And yes, I am that big of a literary dork that I made a chart that uses the process of elimination to identify some of my favorite books/stories/poems. I regret nothing.

Love you.
Mean it.