The Morning Fills My Bedroom

I didn't sleep last night.

There are a couple reasons for this.
Reason 1: I got home too late so my dog slept in someone else's bed.
Reason 2: I was freezing (probably due to the lack of doggie warmth).
Reason 3: Alcohol & sleeping pills do not mix. Therefore, I didn't take any of the latter.
Reason 4: I got my heart broken, I felt like shit (emotionally) & my eyes were burning from trying not to cry.

That sums it up quite nicely.

I typically do not like to stay up all night. It leads to problems the next day, mainly with me being rather cranky as the day wears on. But this past night/morning as I was lying in bed, I faced my window. The blinds were closed but very poorly so plenty of light can come in once it decides it's had enough of the darkness. I watched my window fill with soft light through the slats of my blinds. My room began to take shape, from a formless mass of darkness & shadow to familiar & comforting pieces of my life.

I could see my two bookcases, completely filled and stacked on top with over 350 books that I've loved. I could see my typewriter sitting on my desk, and thought about all those times it's saved my life. I could see my  Emily Strange poster I bought when I was a stupid little 15 year old emo kid. I've never taken it down. I don't know why, really. I guess I really do believe if you don't remember where you came from, you won't know where you're going. I could see my walls covered in framed photographs, mostly of friends & a few of family. So many faces of people I've loved. I guess I still love them. I don't remember stopping. I could see the two flags hanging above my bed, one is the flag of Wales, where my mother's family is from. The other is the flag from the Isle of Man, where my father's family is from. And finally, on the wall facing my bed, I could see a wooden plague I had made two years ago. It's blue with white letters, spelling out my granddad's motto: Don't Let the Bastards Win.

It's funny. If I hadn't experienced such a lousy ending to such a fantastic night, I wouldn't have watched the morning fill my bedroom. And I wouldn't have been able to feel the strange peace I received from it. Of course, if I hadn't had such a lousy ending to such a fantastic night, I might not need that peace. But let's not think about that. Let's just enjoy this feeling while it lasts.

Love you.
Mean it.