I Don't Mind Waiting

I have this friend. We'll call him "Tom." He is one of the most enjoyable people I know. He's intelligent, humorous, intriguing, and passionate. People are drawn to his company because they generally enjoy being around him. He's guaranteed to make you laugh or at least smile to yourself. He's boisterous and sometimes intimidating but I love being around him.

Lately though he's been incredibly withdrawn. He's not the same person. He's been isolating himself more and more. Even when he's around others, he still pulls himself inward and doesn't engage with anyone. Where he would normally contribute to a conversation with a witty argument or just an irreverent snarky comment, he remains uncharacteristically silent. He's become increasingly introverted. It's obvious something is troubling him, but he won't let anyone in long enough to discover what that is. I'm worried about him. I try to talk to him, see if he's doing okay, see if I can help him somehow. He constantly assures me he's okay and I shouldn't worry. This only makes me worry more.

The other day there was a brief moment when we talked, really talked for the first time in weeks. He told me what has been going on in his mind, though I know it was only a tiny portion. It was only a few minutes before the demands of life cut our conversation short. I told him to take care of himself. He said he would.

As he walked away, I felt that old familiar feeling that I was used to experiencing. My mind flashed back to Jack. That mixture of worry, concern, sympathy, love, and an intense desire to help always came full force whenever I was around Jack. It was his nature to be closed off & withdrawn. He'd only really open up in bed when he had his arms around me. He'd talk to me and my heart would ache. I cared for him deeply. I still care about him, more than just a normal friendship, though we never formed a romantic relationship. And I still worry about him. If he needed my help, I'd drop everything to be by his side. (And that isn't a hyperbole. It's the truth.) But he's not the type to ask for help and tells me constantly not to worry.  But I do anyway.

Now, seeing Tom so closed off & obviously struggling ignites those same feelings of worry & love, leaving me only to remain active on the side, patiently, lovingly waiting for when he's ready to talk. And I'll be there whenever that is. I don't mind waiting. That's what loyalty means sometimes. You set your love & concern on the table and patiently wait for the time when they're ready to pick it up. There's no hurry. That's what friends do.

Love you.
Mean it.