For a few years, I was a dual-major in English and mathematics. Upon learning this weird fact about me, most people would stare at me with a mixture of dismay & disgust. Without fail, they would state they hated one of those subjects. Sometimes they would look at me with just a hint of mistrust, as if I was lying. Apparently there is an unwritten rule that everyone on this planet can only be good at either math or English. Never ever both. In this regard, I was a paradox, a contradiction, an A & not A. Yet there I was, a person who was not only good at both English and math but also enjoyed them. I would take breaks from calculus equations to read Dostoevsky. I would discuss Melville with the same passion as matrices. Both subjects expressed the realest form of beauty & truth, but for different reasons.
English, or more specifically literature and writing, often reveals my addiction to words. I have never had an image or a symbol resonate with me more powerfully than a phrase or a paragraph of writing. In the English language alone, there are hundreds of thousands (if not millions) of words. And we use those words, arranged in a certain order according to grammatical rules, to communicate and convey ideas. There are a few of us that take certain words arranged in a certain way that when read can invoke so many emotions in the reader. Words can be inspirational, enraging, thought-provoking, intriguing, or just devastatingly beautiful. That is the power of words. They can have that affect on people.
As a writer, I have dedicated my life to truth, and as such I will only write what I consider to be true. And I stand by what I write and I will fight for its existence. The ability to express my thoughts and feelings in a way that gets people to read and understand what I'm thinking/feeling is one of the most beautiful experiences I have had in my life.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, there is something beautiful about mathematics. It's consistent. It transcends time & cultures. It is not open to interpretations or "feelings." You work through a specific problem step by step using care and exactness and at the end you arrive at a solution. That solution is either right or wrong. That, my friends, is beauty. It is truth. Finding the correct solution to a problem after 15 minutes of work is the closest I have ever felt to God. I've confessed to some people that the more I understand math, the more I believe in God. That is true.
In the middle of an existence that is often chaotic and out of our control, knowing that math is constant, knowing two plus two equals four and will always equal four proves to me there is a God. It isn't all just random and arbitrary. Underneath everything that does not make sense is beauty & truth in the form of consistent calculus, algebra, & trigonometry. It will not change and it will always make sense.
My experiences with math and English have been the most profound expressions of beauty & truth I have been able to have in my life. They may be a little unorthodox but I wouldn't trade them for anything.
Love you.
Mean it.
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