As heard in the newsroom, part 7

Celeste, we have a bigger problem. We don't have a black friend.
-Andrea

I had to ride the bus when I was a stove.
-Andrea

My butt always feels wet here.
-Andrea about New Orleans.

Did they make sex?
-Andrea

That was an excellent jelly bean.
-Andrea

I skipped class and went home and made pies.
-Andrea

I just got put in primary. I know all about the wiggles.
-Brandon

My beard's a little sticky.
-Brandon

I have nothing against talking birds.
-Carly

So I've been thinking about racism...
-Celeste

...Which sucks balls.
Celeste, you can't say that with a bow around your neck.
-Celeste & Christina

Masturbation is bad.
What??? Since when???
-Celeste & Jarom

We want to know how to kindly–
We want that kid out!
-Christina & John-Ross

That's really creepy and I like it!
-Christina

I thought those were candy. Those aren't candy.
-Clark about a pile of condoms.

If you were a musical instrument, what would you be?
The most popular one cause I always get played.
-Clark & Jarom

Can you come over here so I can rub your belly?
-Courtney

Funny things are happening.
-Courtney

My soul thinks it's a good idea and so do a few professionals.
-Elyse

How long have you been playing the trumpet?
About 23 years.
You were a musical fetus?
-Elyse & Jeff

You should just play all those cliche trumpet songs.
-Eric

Told you! Who didn't believe... Wait, I think everyone believed me.
-Eric

I just need to win enough to buy some ice cream.
-Gilbert on gambling

I'm a man now.
-Gilbert

Should I be a ladybug or a kitten? I think a kitten is more manly.
-Gilbert

Geez guys, what are we? Five-years-old?
You're wearing a sheriff badge.
-Gilbert & Christina

Queen is overrated.
Gilbert, fuck you.
-Gilbert & John-Ross

I don't know why my hands are so soft.
-Jarom

The Village Inn has nothing but a new logo.
-Jarom

I hate school and you but you're both necessary.
-Jarom

Everyone laugh. Even you,  J.R.
I'll laugh at you.
-Jarom & John-Ross

Would you rather have a life size portrait of a naked man in your room...
This is going to be easy.
-Jarom & Matthew J.

What's going to be at this luncheon?
Food and Mormons.
-John-Ross & Kelly

I'll only go cause I like hating stuff.
-John-Ross

I'm Oprah-rich, motherfuckers!
-John-Ross

Matthew Jonassaint, you have been summoned to the council of elders.
-John-Ross

I don't want to bang your kid. I'm just a nice guy.
-John-Ross

Just because Gilbert isn't here doesn't mean we make Tiffany the new Gilbert.
-John-Ross

Clark Goldsberry. That sounds like a made up name.
-John-Ross

Gilbert, it's not a deviant thing. It's just kissing.
-John-Ross

Thank you. I deserve this.
-John-Ross after winning employee of the week.

Do you know how much condoms cost? That's why I don't use them.
-John-Ross

Is it bad I don't think his intentions are good and I'm frightened and maybe we should hide the zebra?
-Kelly

Your wife is adorable. I like her.
I kinda do too.
-Kelly & Jonathan

You do know your headphones aren't plugged into anything.
I do know that.
-Kelly & Parker

Booty call with your girlfriend?
I'm intrigued.
-Parker & Brandon in response to something Vanessa said.

I joined the mile high club! What does that mean?
-Tiffany

Your guy's secret meetings are lame.
-Tom

Are meetings always like this? If so, I'm going to show up more.
-Tom

I'll talk to them on the phone so they won't know I'm brown.
-Vanessa

Beard on beard action.
-Vanessa

Tiffany's a woman now!
Did I hear that right?
-Vanessa & Christina

I'm failing my Polynesian dance class.
How many credits is it?
Just one.
Well, fuck it then!
-Vanessa & John-Ross