"Kelly, you're a lonely depressed girl who doesn't believe in anything and scrapes out an existence through cynicism and bluffing."Obviously, there was a lot that lead up to this part of our texting conversation but dealt with more personal matters (especially for the other party) and therefore will remain private.
All the same, it pretty much hit the proverbial nail on the head, don't you think? I mean, it doesn't take a genius to see that I'm a "lonely depressed girl." Hell, read this or this or this and it'd be damn near impossible for you not to reach that conclusion. I openly admit that I'm lonely & depressed because it's the truth.
However, that bit about me not believing in anything is simply not true. I mean, no, I don't believe in organized religion. I don't believe in a god that gives a shit about us. I don't believe in fate. And yes, life has turned me into a rather cynical person. But that doesn't mean I don't believe in anything.
I believe in myself, that I can do anything I set my mind to & that I'm a lot stronger than I realize.
I believe in Augustus Johnson, that he will always be there for me & only wants me to be happy.
I believe in the power of words and their ability to create change.
I believe in luck.
I believe that life is plenty shitty enough without people making things worse.
I believe that we need to help make other people's lives less shitty, or at the very least, not make things any worse for them.
I believe in truth, honesty, and in doing what is right.
I believe in being fiercely loyal to my friends.
And I know that most of the bluffing I do is trying to convince myself that things will get better, that one day I will be happy again. Yes, it may be a lie but it's a lie worth believing.
And yes, I am cynical. I am lonely & depressed. But never think that I don't believe in something.
If I didn't believe in something, I wouldn't still be here, "scraping out an existence."
That's a goddamn promise.
Love you.
Mean it.
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