So Susceptible To Tumbling Into Love.

I have this terrible habit of frequently falling in love. I don't mean to most of the time. I'll be going along, living my life, minding my own business when I'll encounter some stupid guy. And all he'll have to do is say something clever or write something beautiful or perform something moving or something just as simple as just smile at me and suddenly he's got me. He's unintentionally taken a piece of my heart that I will in all likelihood never get back. And when it happens, all I can do is sit there with a silly feeling in my gut & think, "Damnit. I fell in love again."

Sometimes I wish it wasn't so easy for me to fall for guys. Rarely does anything come of it. The guy typically never finds out that I had a major crush on him. And as such, it's incredibly painful & annoying to own a heart that is so susceptible to tumbling into love.

But even though it usually brings me nothing but torment, I don't know if I would change it if I could. I can be kind of fun to be in a constant state of falling in love. It certainly makes life more exciting, more adventurous. You know that feeling you get when you first start crushing on someone. It's fun, it's silly, it causes all of those slumbering butterflies in your stomach to suddenly & violently wake up and go crazy. It's like a thousand tiny ninjas attacking your brain. Suddenly everything seems so wonderful & yet less important in comparison. I can't help but imagine that one day, even though experience has shown otherwise, something will happen. That guy who unconsciously did something to get me to fall in love with him will notice something I unconsciously do & fall in love with me. We'll eventually figure out how the other feels and things will work out.

Am I being overly optimistic? Yes, completely. But I think everyone needs some kind of stupid silly dream or hope. It's like that this quote I heard from an episode of Raising Hope (a good show, btw). At the end, the main character, Jimmy, says, "If you stop dreaming, you're just sleeping." And I've never been one to "just sleep."

Love you.
Mean it.