I'll See You When I See You

You see, the funny thing about growing older is you become more aware of the differences between things that are real and things that are just nice ideas. The biggest example in my life seems to be constantly happening.

People come into our lives for an indiscriminate amount of time. These people can be coworkers, classmates, casual acquaintances, or whatever. They have an effect on you. It may be small, so small you don't even really notice it. But everyone who comes into our lives affects it somehow.

Sometimes these people have a huge effect on us. Sometimes, just sometimes, these people who were once strangers become one of the most important aspects of our lives. Those moments are rare but they are beautiful.

But then, these people, as all people must, leave for some other destination. It may be they're done with school. They may have a better job offer somewhere else. Sometimes people just grow apart.

What makes these moments so difficult as an adult is you recognize the very sincere possibility you may never see each other again. As kids, we were always making vows that you'd be best friends forever, that you'd always stay in touch, that nothing could keep you apart. I remember promising this to a few best friends. I can't remember the last time we spoke. I don't know what's going on in their lives any more. I don't know where they are. I don't know if they're still alive.

As adults, we know people leave and we know sometimes they never come back. When they do leave, they do so without any pretense that we will see each other again. We hope we do but we know it's just not probable. The best we can hope for is expressed in a line we tell each other as we part: "I'll see you when I see you."

That line holds so much pain to me. It expresses the childlike desire to keep our friends close to us coupled with the cynicism and realism of adulthood. It's an ugly line, without hope.

These people were strangers one moment, then they transformed into something so important to us, and then the next moment they're nothing but a memory. I really wish it wasn't this way. I wish saying goodbye and the hopeless "I'll see you when I see you" wasn't apart of growing up. But it is.

When we were young, the idea that you will see each other again made the departure less painful. Now, as adults, we don't have any such lies to comfort us. We know that everyone leaves and very rarely do they ever come back.

Love you.
Mean it.