I mean, we didn't stop talking because we got in a fight or anything. We both were just busy with our lives. It happens. But I'm glad we're talking again, even if it's just texting and facebook, which really doesn't qualify as "talking." It's more like communicating. But whatever it is, I'm glad it's back.
I had forgotten how good it is to talk to you. You always manage to make me smile. Part of it is from how well I know you. I can imagine exactly how you would say a text I receive. The other part is how well you know me. You can often predict what I'm going to say or how I'm going to react. That's a nice feeling. I never realized how wonderful it feels to have someone who knows every detail about you not because you keep reminding them but because they pay attention.
Things have been going well for me. Despite all the shit I've had to deal with for the past seven months, one week, and four days, things seem to be getting back to an elevated normal. I say elevated because my "normal" usually consists of frequent bouts of depression. But lately, I feel like I'm falling in love with my life once again. You know better than most how tempestuous my relationship has been with my life. But right now, I feel as though I am in a perpetual state of falling in love.
Remember the other day I was talking to you about that guy I had re-met? We'll call him "Thomas." We've had a chance to spend a bit more time together. And the more I think about it, the more he reminds me of you. He's intelligent, cultured, poetic, well-read, and a true-romantic at heart. But where you have an overall lighthearted, satisfied disposition, Thomas is more melancholy and pensive. If you'll excuse my lame attempt at being poetic, his temperament feels like that of a passionate lover who suffers from unrequited love or unmitigated circumstances. He constantly faces situations and circumstances that do not live up to his hopes and it leaves him feeling dejected, as if he's starting to believe his hopes cannot exist in this world. He suffers for his passion. When he does love, he loves so fervently, so intensely that it borders on that of a consuming insanity. It reminds me of something Françoise Sagan once said,
Yes, he burns with a passion that might one day destroy him, but he cannot see the point in loving any other way. Of all the people I can think of, you probably understand his perspective the best and why I would find it intriguing & irresistible. I have been single for over a year now and while it has been hard, it has never truly bothered me because I never found anyone interesting enough to consider being with, until Thomas showed up in my life again. Part of me wishes he hadn't. I don't know if I can handle waiting and seeing if he could ever become interested in me. Yesterday you told me a french saying,
God, I hope you're right.
I hope you know how important you are to me. It's funny. We met by the most random of circumstances and now you are one of the very, very few people I completely trust in this world. If I never get a chance to tell you, thank you being "my Atticus" no matter what happened.
Love you.
Mean it.
Remember the other day I was talking to you about that guy I had re-met? We'll call him "Thomas." We've had a chance to spend a bit more time together. And the more I think about it, the more he reminds me of you. He's intelligent, cultured, poetic, well-read, and a true-romantic at heart. But where you have an overall lighthearted, satisfied disposition, Thomas is more melancholy and pensive. If you'll excuse my lame attempt at being poetic, his temperament feels like that of a passionate lover who suffers from unrequited love or unmitigated circumstances. He constantly faces situations and circumstances that do not live up to his hopes and it leaves him feeling dejected, as if he's starting to believe his hopes cannot exist in this world. He suffers for his passion. When he does love, he loves so fervently, so intensely that it borders on that of a consuming insanity. It reminds me of something Françoise Sagan once said,
"I have loved to the point of madness, that which is called madness,
that which to me is the only sensible way to love."
Yes, he burns with a passion that might one day destroy him, but he cannot see the point in loving any other way. Of all the people I can think of, you probably understand his perspective the best and why I would find it intriguing & irresistible. I have been single for over a year now and while it has been hard, it has never truly bothered me because I never found anyone interesting enough to consider being with, until Thomas showed up in my life again. Part of me wishes he hadn't. I don't know if I can handle waiting and seeing if he could ever become interested in me. Yesterday you told me a french saying,
"La faim est la meilleure sauce--Hunger is the best sauce"
I hope you know how important you are to me. It's funny. We met by the most random of circumstances and now you are one of the very, very few people I completely trust in this world. If I never get a chance to tell you, thank you being "my Atticus" no matter what happened.
Love you.
Mean it.
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