Who I Am: A List

I haven't done a list in a while. I like making lists. It's how I function, how I manage myself, and how I keep things organized.

There's been a lot of talk around me lately as to the definition of self and whether it's possible to find yourself or if you only create yourself. I've also been having some odd experiences lately where I judge a person to be one way and they insist they are another. I, stupidly, decide to believe them, only to discover they are a blind fool who doesn't know the first thing about themselves. This typically results in me getting hurt and being extremely frustrated with myself for ever doubting my first judgement. It amazes me that people, myself included, can believe they are one way and it's simply not true. I've always tried to know who I am and be comfortable with who I am. I want to know who I am, both good qualities and bad. So here's a list of who I think I am. Hopefully, I'm not too far from the truth...

1. I am a writer.
2. I am a reader & lover of books.
3. I am clever. 
4. I am intelligent. 
5. I am aggressive.
6. I am awkward.
7. I am spunky. 
8. I am generally nice.
9. I can be hostile & angry.
10. I am loud.
11. I am creative.
12. I am caring.
13. I am a good friend.
14. I am an intellectual snob.
15. I am a cinephile.
16. I am no good at forgiveness. 
17. I am overweight.
18. I am dorky.
19. I pretend to be brave but I am not. 
20. I'm a pansy when it comes to pain.
21. I get emotional when I'm sick. 
22. I'm a sucker for animals, especially dogs & cats. 
23. I hate exercising.
24. I hate nature. 
25. I am a feminists. 
26. I am straight and I support gay rights.
27. I talk too much.
28. I am passionate about nearly everything I do.
29. If I don't want to do something, there is hardly anything on this Earth that can make me do it. 
30. I am stubborn as hell. 
31. I am lonely a lot of the time.
32. I struggle with depression and have since I was 14 or so. 
33. I try to be open minded. 
34. I am easily bored & irritated.
35. I drink more Mountain Dew than is probably healthy.
36. I generally hate girls. 
37. I'm funny.
38. I'm sarcastic. 
39. I don't care what the average person thinks of me but I care immensely what certain people I respect think of me. 
40. I am a leader.

There's a lot more too me, I know. But this will have to do for now.

Love you.

Mean it.