My writing has felt pretty stale lately. It seems like everything I write I've written before. It's all cliche, trite, hackneyed. I can't seem to get the right words in the right order anymore. You could chalk it up to stress except I don't really have any. You could blame it on boredom. My life hasn't been too exciting lately. With school drawing to a close and the Review being done for a bit, my two main sources of entertainment/purpose/reason to get out of the house are going, going, gone. And there's only so much Netflix you can watch or reading you can do before you want to put a gun to your head & paint the walls with your brains.
It's this feeling of my life being dominated by the ordinary, the expected, the usual. I crave adventure, excitement, passion, rage. Extreme love or extreme fear. Actually, extreme anything really. I want extremes. I want to do something to fuck up my life cause at least then I'll have some kind of powerful emotion to experience. No good writing has ever come from an ordinary life.
And yeah, it may be stupid but I am sick of every day being the same damn thing. I want something different. I don't care what. I want my phone to ring right now & for someone on the other line to invite me out for an adventure. I want to be able to text a friend & say, "I want to get out of here." and all they'll say in response is, "Okay. Let's do it." We'll get in the car & just see where the road takes us. Even if it just takes us back to someone's house & we get pleasantly intoxicated while we watch David Lynch movies, I'm okay with that. I just what something different. I want to feel something besides this gnawing anxiety that I'm wasting time, going from one distraction to the next. And I want to feel something in the most extreme kind of way. I don't want infatuation. I want love. I don't want annoyance. I want hatred. I don't want nervousness. I want terror. No more half-assed emotion bullshit. I want something real, something to write home about.
Love you.
Mean it.
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