As Heard in the Newsroom, Part 2

In case you missed it, here's Part 1.

I think a moose would listen to stoner metal music.
-Bryan Gomm

No, stop it! That’s not his name. You can’t just keep calling someone by the wrong name.
-Dave Newlin, about the pronunciation of the last name Whitecar

I swear I’ve met this girl & talked to her but I never noticed she’s missing a leg.
-Dave Newlin

My phone just called something. 

-Dave Newlin

Does my article suck as bad as I think it does?
-Dave Newlin

I don’t have to audition. I’m Dave fucking Newlin.
-Dave Newlin

I bet that guy’s depressed, sitting on all his piles of money.
-Dave Newlin

I am not that guy. I’m genuinely interested in the physics of doing kung fu with no arms or legs.
-Dave Newlin

Find your own ring, fucker.
-Dave Newlin

Where is the rally? Also, there’s a rally going on?
-Dave Newlin

Why is it snowing? Mindy, this is your fault almost undoubtedly.
-Dave Newlin

Okay, I’m going to do some bonding.
-Dave Newlin

Fuck A.P. style. I will not be bound by these rules. I transcend rules. 

-Dave Newlin

I wasn’t such a great writer when I was her age. I mean, I’m a pretty goddamn amazing writer now...
-Dave Newlin

I’ve been working all hard & shit.
-Dave Newlin

I home-taught people at that motel, which was weird.
No, what’s weird is that you home-taught.
-Dave Newlin & John-Ross Boyce

[The Republicans] seem to not like anything with a “P.” NPR, PBS...
That’s cause the “P” stands for Public.
-Dave Newlin & Kelly Cannon

I wish I was more not responsible...
Less responsible?
-Gilbie Cisneros & Mindy Harward

If you guys ever need to go to the bathroom in Salt Lake, I recommend the Grand American.
-Jarom Moore

You can be late but being late-late is slightly frowned upon.
-Jarom Moore

Elder Scott during the Saturday afternoon session was like, “Young men need to get married.” and I was like, “F-you. I’m trying.”
-Jarom Moore

Don’t sell yourself short. A lot of people think you’re going to hell.
-Jarom Moore

In a world of Carltons, we need a Will.
-John-Ross Boyce

If somebody gets raped at your apartment complex, it’s automatically on the sketchy list.
-John-Ross Boyce

There’s no “i” in gang-bang. And, yes Kelly, you can quote me on that.
-John-Ross Boyce

I’m sorry my friend was a creepazoid.
-John-Ross Boyce

Will write witty articles for food.
-John-Ross Boyce, on the title/theme of his portfolio

I really like his camouflage shorts cause this is 2002.
-John-Ross Boyce

Who’s racist now? Cause that would kick ass!
-John-Ross Boyce

So long story short, I wasn’t planning on going out but then my friends showed up and I ended up at a strip club.
-John-Ross Boyce

Wait, did we enter a time warp & it’s last year? Why are we talking about Avitar?
-John-Ross Boyce

How’s this for April Fools? I’ll come over to your house and burn it down if you shred my application.
-John-Ross Boyce

But it’s from Asia & anything from Asia is not metal.
-John-Ross Boyce

Genghis Khanis totally metal. He’s the only metal thing about Asia.
-John-Ross Boyce

There are no bathrooms in Mongolia.
-John-Ross Boyce

I think Catholicism is the opposite of Mormonism because in the Catholic church, everything is the woman’s fault. I can’t tell you how many times growing up, I’d come out of a meeting thinking I’m the worst person ever.
-John-Ross Boyce

I’d go to Denver for that.
-John-Ross Boyce, on Charlie Sheen’s tour

Snarky. High-five.
-John-Ross Boyce to Nadia

Hey, I know that shirt.
Yeah, it’s yours. You left it at my place.
-John-Ross Boyce & Dave Newlin, about the shirt Newlin was wearing.

I get off at 9.
And he’s done with work at 8:30
*high-five*
-John-Ross Boyce & Jarom Moore

I can write bullshit for 50 bucks.
-Kelly Cannon

The copyediting room is the cave. [The Newsroom] is more like a happy meadow.
-Kelly Cannon

I just really really really like dogs.
Koreans also really really like dogs.
-Kelly Cannon & Nadia Ashtawy

That’s not sexual harassment.
That’s just regular harassment.
-Kelly Cannon & Nadia Ashtawy

The lonely and forgotten wolverine...
Aren’t we all?
-Kelly Cannon & Dave Newlin

Having a crush on Johnny Depp is not 2005.
-Mindy Harward

You were going to get an official list.
Yeah, and then I had to go to the hospital.
-Mindy Harward & Dave Newlin

Tupac is the Bard of gangsters.
-Nadia Ashtawy

Because Snow College is basically high school.
-Nadia Ashtawy

I just swore at my staff for nothing.
-Robbin Anthony

Don’t you ever write crap like this.
-Robbin Anthony

Jesus was fake-born in December.
-Sterling Gray

I am not going to be late for weight training today. Hello, world! It’s the new me!
-Sterling Gray

It’s unsafe to have feminists on campus.
-Sterling Gray

Three words for you: The. Spice. Girls.
-Sterling Gray

Woo-Hoo! We got the guy’s first name. The story just got one word longer.
-Sterling Gray

All I heard was I want a class where I lie on my back. I don’t know, sex ed?
-Sterling Gray

In a parallel universe, you’d be my girlfriend.
That’s hot!
-Sterling Gray & John-Ross Boyce

Love you.

Mean it.