As Heard in the Newsroom, Part 2

In case you missed it, here's Part 1.

I think a moose would listen to stoner metal music.
-Bryan Gomm

No, stop it! That’s not his name. You can’t just keep calling someone by the wrong name.
-Dave Newlin, about the pronunciation of the last name Whitecar

I swear I’ve met this girl & talked to her but I never noticed she’s missing a leg.
-Dave Newlin

My phone just called something. 

-Dave Newlin

Does my article suck as bad as I think it does?
-Dave Newlin

I don’t have to audition. I’m Dave fucking Newlin.
-Dave Newlin

I bet that guy’s depressed, sitting on all his piles of money.
-Dave Newlin

I am not that guy. I’m genuinely interested in the physics of doing kung fu with no arms or legs.
-Dave Newlin

Find your own ring, fucker.
-Dave Newlin

Where is the rally? Also, there’s a rally going on?
-Dave Newlin

Why is it snowing? Mindy, this is your fault almost undoubtedly.
-Dave Newlin

Okay, I’m going to do some bonding.
-Dave Newlin

Fuck A.P. style. I will not be bound by these rules. I transcend rules. 

-Dave Newlin

I wasn’t such a great writer when I was her age. I mean, I’m a pretty goddamn amazing writer now...
-Dave Newlin

I’ve been working all hard & shit.
-Dave Newlin

I home-taught people at that motel, which was weird.
No, what’s weird is that you home-taught.
-Dave Newlin & John-Ross Boyce

[The Republicans] seem to not like anything with a “P.” NPR, PBS...
That’s cause the “P” stands for Public.
-Dave Newlin & Kelly Cannon

I wish I was more not responsible...
Less responsible?
-Gilbie Cisneros & Mindy Harward

If you guys ever need to go to the bathroom in Salt Lake, I recommend the Grand American.
-Jarom Moore

You can be late but being late-late is slightly frowned upon.
-Jarom Moore

Elder Scott during the Saturday afternoon session was like, “Young men need to get married.” and I was like, “F-you. I’m trying.”
-Jarom Moore

Don’t sell yourself short. A lot of people think you’re going to hell.
-Jarom Moore

In a world of Carltons, we need a Will.
-John-Ross Boyce

If somebody gets raped at your apartment complex, it’s automatically on the sketchy list.
-John-Ross Boyce

There’s no “i” in gang-bang. And, yes Kelly, you can quote me on that.
-John-Ross Boyce

I’m sorry my friend was a creepazoid.
-John-Ross Boyce

Will write witty articles for food.
-John-Ross Boyce, on the title/theme of his portfolio

I really like his camouflage shorts cause this is 2002.
-John-Ross Boyce

Who’s racist now? Cause that would kick ass!
-John-Ross Boyce

So long story short, I wasn’t planning on going out but then my friends showed up and I ended up at a strip club.
-John-Ross Boyce

Wait, did we enter a time warp & it’s last year? Why are we talking about Avitar?
-John-Ross Boyce

How’s this for April Fools? I’ll come over to your house and burn it down if you shred my application.
-John-Ross Boyce

But it’s from Asia & anything from Asia is not metal.
-John-Ross Boyce

Genghis Khanis totally metal. He’s the only metal thing about Asia.
-John-Ross Boyce

There are no bathrooms in Mongolia.
-John-Ross Boyce

I think Catholicism is the opposite of Mormonism because in the Catholic church, everything is the woman’s fault. I can’t tell you how many times growing up, I’d come out of a meeting thinking I’m the worst person ever.
-John-Ross Boyce

I’d go to Denver for that.
-John-Ross Boyce, on Charlie Sheen’s tour

Snarky. High-five.
-John-Ross Boyce to Nadia

Hey, I know that shirt.
Yeah, it’s yours. You left it at my place.
-John-Ross Boyce & Dave Newlin, about the shirt Newlin was wearing.

I get off at 9.
And he’s done with work at 8:30
*high-five*
-John-Ross Boyce & Jarom Moore

I can write bullshit for 50 bucks.
-Kelly Cannon

The copyediting room is the cave. [The Newsroom] is more like a happy meadow.
-Kelly Cannon

I just really really really like dogs.
Koreans also really really like dogs.
-Kelly Cannon & Nadia Ashtawy

That’s not sexual harassment.
That’s just regular harassment.
-Kelly Cannon & Nadia Ashtawy

The lonely and forgotten wolverine...
Aren’t we all?
-Kelly Cannon & Dave Newlin

Having a crush on Johnny Depp is not 2005.
-Mindy Harward

You were going to get an official list.
Yeah, and then I had to go to the hospital.
-Mindy Harward & Dave Newlin

Tupac is the Bard of gangsters.
-Nadia Ashtawy

Because Snow College is basically high school.
-Nadia Ashtawy

I just swore at my staff for nothing.
-Robbin Anthony

Don’t you ever write crap like this.
-Robbin Anthony

Jesus was fake-born in December.
-Sterling Gray

I am not going to be late for weight training today. Hello, world! It’s the new me!
-Sterling Gray

It’s unsafe to have feminists on campus.
-Sterling Gray

Three words for you: The. Spice. Girls.
-Sterling Gray

Woo-Hoo! We got the guy’s first name. The story just got one word longer.
-Sterling Gray

All I heard was I want a class where I lie on my back. I don’t know, sex ed?
-Sterling Gray

In a parallel universe, you’d be my girlfriend.
That’s hot!
-Sterling Gray & John-Ross Boyce

Love you.

Mean it. 

An Apology.

Love you.
Mean it.

#96: If you could tell your 16-year-old self something, what would it be?

Two things:

First, being a nerdy kid who reads everything you can get your hands on is the best thing that you could ever do in your life. Keep it up.

Second, I promise that there will be a time when you don’t hate yourself or your life. You will love your life and every single aspect of it. You’ll be so happy, it’ll boggle your mind because you didn’t know it was possible to be so happy. You’ll wake up every morning excited about the day. You’ll love who you are, you’ll be confident in yourself & your abilities, and you’ll go on to do great things. Just hold on. It gets so much better.

Love you.
Mean it.

#20: What are the mottos of your life?

I've had a few mottos over the years. Here I'll present some of my favorites with a brief explanation about it.

Don't let the bastards win. 
-This was my granddad Cannon's motto. I painted it on a plague of sorts and it is hung just opposite of my bed so when I'm sitting up in bed writing or doing homework, I can look up and see my granddad's words.

Walk tall, kick ass...love music, and never forget you come from a long line of truth seekers, lovers, and warriors.
-I recently posted this saying on here. It's by Hunter S. Thompson. I'm going to be making another plague with this quote on it because it is so important to me.

Be so good at what you do that they can't ignore you. 
-This is a line from a documentary I saw at Sundance back in January. It was called Miss Representation, which was about how the media portrays women. The line was spoken by a female CEO to a younger woman during a mentorship meeting. This is written on a post-it note and stuck right in front of my desk in my room. It's one of the driving forces in my writing.

If you want to achieve greatness, stop asking for permission. 
-This was stenciled graffiti art that I cam across one day. It's one of the most true statements I've ever heard.

Friends are one of life's greatest blessings. Never give them up without a fight. 
-I think this came from the movie Harriet the Spy, which was a dumb little movie by Nickelodeon. But regardless of its origins, it's very true for me. Friendship is really important to me and loyalty from those friends & to those friends is even more important to me. I'll never give up my friends (or give up on my friends, for that matter) without a fight.

If you don't stick to your values when they're being tested, they're not values--they're hobbies.
-This comes from my main man, Jon Stewart. And it's one of the most true statements I know. Anyone can claim certain values but when push comes to shove, if you don't actively stand up for your values, then they're really not values.

There's more to life than underwear. 
-I'm pretty sure this came from a Joe Boxer commercial. What it means to me is that underwear is a very trivial thing in life. Yet a lot of people really spend a lot of time wondering what kind of underwear to wear. I mean, for me, I have a lot of underwear (this is because I love buying cute underwear and I love the feeling of wearing brand new underwear) but deciding which pair to wear during the day should be one of the simplest decisions of my day because, more often than not, no one is going to see them (of course there may be exceptions & yes, then I take the time to pick the right pair). Essentially, what this phrase means to me is stop worrying about the little things in life. It's a waste of energy.

Have your adventures, make your mistakes, and choose your friends poorly--all these make for great stories. 
-This is a quote from Chuck Palahniuk. It's currently a sticker on the back windshield of my car. What it means to me is that a lot of weird, painful, uncomfortable, or crazy things are going to happen in life. And that's exactly what should happen in your life. And, hey, at least you'll come out with some great stories.

Don't let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want.
-This is from the movie 10 Things I Hate About You, one of the few chick-flicks I actually like a lot. And I think it's pretty self-explanatory. 

The duty of youth is to challenge corruption.

-This is attributed to Kurt Cobian. Every time I hear this phrase, I think of the student protests in England and I think of the recent Egypt protests. As the younger generation, it is our duty, our obligation not to sit around and complain about the way things are, but to get off our lazy asses and actively try to create change. If we won't, who will?

But you should never be embarrassed by your trouble with living. Cause it's the ones with the sorest throats, Laura, who have done the most singing.

-This is a line from the song "Laura" by Bright Eyes. I find it pretty comforting because I've had my own "trouble with living." But I'm not embarrassed about it anymore.

I do not regret the things I have done but those I did not do.

-A self-explanatory piece of advice from Lucas in Empire Records. 

Dr. Jules Hilbert: Hell, Harold, you could just eat nothing but pancakes if you wanted. 

Harold Crick: What is wrong with you? Hey, I don't want to each nothing but pancakes, I want to live! I mean, who in their right mind in a choice between pancakes and living chooses pancakes?

Dr. Jules Hilbert: Harold, if you pause to think, you'd realize that the answer is inextricably contingent upon the type of life being led...and, of course, the quality of the pancakes. 

-So I know this isn't a motto per se, but I think it carries the same kind of wisdom found in a motto. (p.s. it's from the movie Stranger Than Fiction)

There's nothing to writing. All you do is sit at a typewriter and bleed.

-I've heard this is attributed to Ernest Hemingway but I may be wrong. But wherever it comes from, it's very true. Just ask any writer. 

We read to know we're not alone. 

-C.S. Lewis said this. And it's incredibly true. 

Life is not meant to be ordinary. 

-This comes from yours truly. It was a decision I made back in January 2010 and I've tried to stick with it ever since. 

If you're good at something, never do it for free. 

-If the Joker from The Dark Knight has taught us anything, it is this little kernel of truth. 

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. 

-Basically, that whole movie is a motto (Ferris Bueller's Day Off, for the slower ones in the audience)

There's only one rule that I know of, babies--'Goddamnit, you've got to be kind."

-This is from the book God Bless You , Mr. Rosewater by Kurt Vonnegut. And I think that is one of the only real, true rules of this planet. We have got to be kind to one another. 

I think that's enough for now. I could go on but I've got a doctor's appointment to get to. 

Love you.

Mean it. 

Bukowski vs. God

Sitting on my porch reading
while righteous men walk towards a chapel.
Doing their semi-annual duty to hear the words of God.

Bukowski's words are keeping me company,
stories staring Chinaski
about hangovers, debauchery, liquor, women, and, of course, delivering mail.
It's a nice contrast
since he's the opposite
of each of these men walking past in a pressed white shirt & tie,
aiming for access into heaven.

And I'm not saying it's a bad thing, if it works for them.

It's just, like Oberst, if I go to heaven
I'll be bored as hell
cause it's the Bukowskis, the Thompsons, and the Hemingways,
the Plaths, the Vonneguts, and the Keroaucs
who have anything interesting to say.

So maybe I should give debauchery & depravity another try.
Cause if I'm destined for an eternal fire,
I'd better bring some stories that can compete.

Books I Own, Part 2

This is an addition to the list I posted back in October. I've come into owning 25 books since then.

1. The Best of H.P. Lovecraft: Bloodcurdling Tales of Horror and the Macabre by H.P. Lovecraft
2. Bluebeard by Kurt Vonnegut
3. Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut
4. Crime & Punishment: A Graphic Novel by Fyodor Dostoyevsky, et al
5. Documentary Film: A Very Short Introduction by Patricia Aufderheide
6. Documentary: A History of the Non-Fiction Film by Erik Barnouw
7. Fictions of the Empire by Joseph Conrad, Robert Louis Stevenson & Rudyard Kipling
8. Film Art: An Introduction by David Bordwell et al
9. Gunn's Golden Rules: Life's Little Lessons on Making It Work by Tim Gunn
10. Hellboy: Masks and Monsters by Mike Mignola, et al
11. Hocus Pocus by Kurt Vonnegut
12. Looking at Movies: An Introduction to Film by Richard Barsam
13. A Passage to India by E.M. Forster
14. Post Office by Charles Bukowski
15. The Quiet American by Graham Greene
16. The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro
17. Rudyard Kipling's Tales of Horror & Fantasy by Rudyard Kipling
18. The Sandman, Vol. 1: Preludes & Nocturnes by Neil Gaiman
19. Saturday by Ian McEwan
20. A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again by David Foster Wallace
21. Telling True Stories by Mark Kramer & Wendy Call
22. The Walking Dead, Vol. 1: Days Gone By by Robert Kirkman, et al 
23. The Walking Dead, Vol. 2: Miles Behind Us by Robert Kirkman, et al
24. The Walking Dead, Vol. 3: Safety Behind Bars by Robert Kirkman, et al
25. What We Talk About When We Talk About Love by Raymond Carver

Love you. 

Mean it. 

I Just Need One for the Night

I've been missing the comfort of a good friend's couch
I may wake up with my back in knots
but at least then I'll know someone cares.

(It's this goddamn disposition
that I can neither explain nor escape.)

And going home seems so pointless
when I'm too tired to read the words of dead men
but too anxious to sleep my way to morning.

And I'm realizing it's probably all my fault
that I fell in love with you
but writing has become too exhausting
I'm just wasting ink.

So next time just leave your key under the mat
and I'll sneak in without a sound.
You've hopefully got two empty couches
I just need one for the night.