First off, yes, a "To-Not-Do List" is a real thing. It's everything I know I don't want to do. Some people may disagree with me having this type of list but my "To-Do List" is so cumbersome, I like to know that there are things I don't have to do. It helps keep me from feeling overwhelmed.
That being said, I will never sky-dive. I can barely handle when the elevator goes too fast. Why would I ever want to sky-dive???
I will never allow my children to own reptiles or amphibians. Animals that can't be cuddled with should not be pets.
I will never take a cruise. Have any of you seen the movie Poseidon???
I will never take a safari or a jungle adventure. I hate heat, humidity, and bugs the size of my head.
I will never, under my own free will, go to a haunted house, corn maze, hospital, or any other stupid halloween event designed for the sole purpose of scaring the bejesus out of me. No. No. No.
Love you.
Mean it.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
#89: What is something you know you are lousy at?
Oh, geez. Where to begin?
For starters, I am a lousy cook. I don't know what it is. I just can't do it. Every time I try to cook something, it turns into a complete disaster. I even screw up Easy Mac! If I can't even properly cook something that has "Easy" in its name, I have some serious issues. (However, I can bake like no one's business.)
I can't draw worth beans. Even my stick figures look uncomfortable to even exist. My whole life I wish I were an artist. But I just can't draw or paint or do anything in the fine arts department (I have had a few photos published before, so maybe that's one kind of fine art I can do). Why do you think I've worked so hard on writing? It's cause my dream of becoming an artist died years ago.
I am really bad at strategy games such as Risk, Stratego, chess, and others. I just can't think three steps ahead of my opponent. I can't even think one step ahead. I'm lucky enough to provide enough thinking time to my own side. Monopoly is the one exception. I love playing Monopoly & I rock at it.
Despite me being an English major, I am a lousy speller. I honestly don't know who made the rule that English majors have to be good spellers because I'm pretty sure some of the worst spellers I know are English majors or even English professors! (I'm looking at you, Joe.) I especially hate it when people ask me to spell something out loud. I can't do it. I get lost in the word, forget where I'm at, and end up spelling it wrong. If they could just give me a piece of paper, I could write it for them. This is probably why I hated spelling in grade school. My mom would make me spell the words out loud to her and I hated it! But I would get perfect scores on my exams so my mom figured the "spelling out loud" strategy worked. NO! I got perfect scores because I was writing the freaking word down and not saying it out loud! Why else would I get out on the first round of every goddamn spelling bee I was ever forced to participate in???
While we're on this note, I suck at Scrabble. I have no other comment on the matter.
Love you.
Mean it.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Moral Outrage of the Day
In case you haven't heard, a new edition of Mark Twain's Adventures of Huckleberry Finn is to be published with all 212 appearances of the word "nigger" to be replaced with "slave" and the handful of "injun" with "indian." I am rather irked by the changing of Twain's words. As a writer myself (as vain as that sounds), every word I choose is chosen for a reason. I don't just throw it out there willy-nilly. There are many times when I agonized over my choice of words or on how I should approach a subject. I never do anything with my writing just for the hell of it. If someone were to edit my work (let's say they would take out the swearing and replace it with less offensive words), I would not only be upset, I would be livid. It is my work. If it offends you, then you are free to not read it.
In the case of Twain, the use of the n-word is culturally significant to the story & the setting it takes place. Replacing it with "slave" only dilutes the cultural issues that were at hand. Yes, the word is offensive now. But if the word was published 212 times, then it must not have been terribly offensive then. It serves as a perfect example of how humanity has recognized its faults in discrimination. The word became offensive because society recognized the mistreatment it had placed upon a certain part of the society. Replacing the n-word with slave is almost to disregard how far our society has progressed in matters of equality.
A few of my friends have made comparisons of the sanitizing of Twain's book to Cleanflicks. For those who are not familiar to what Cleanflicks is, it's a company that will essentially edit a film, removing language, violence, and/or sexuality from the film. I am morally opposed to this practice. Again, as a writer, I would be livid if someone changed my work to suit their comfort level. I think it's the same for filmmakers or artists or whoever creates something. A film or a book or a painting or whatever is, to me, a piece of art and as such, is something that took time & effort to create. It's a cliche saying that people must "suffer for their art" but it is true. Any real artist is going to agonize over every single aspect of their work. They will never put it out into the world until it is perfect and worth of carrying their name. It can be regarded as even putting out a piece of yourself, something incredibly personal and private that is willingly put on display. Yes, it may be offensive to some but no one is forcing them to watch it or participate in it. An individual has no right to change another person's work because it makes them uncomfortable. Sometimes the whole purpose of the work is to make people uncomfortable. Changing someone's art to suit your own comfort levels is depraved in the most literal use of the word. Every single aspect of a piece of art helps contribute to its overall effect. Changing some aspect of that art is equivalent to butchering a part of the artist, leaving only a raped, skeletal ghost of the original. If you cannot (or will not) participate in the work in its entirety, then you are not worthy to participate in it at all. I believe that if some kind of art, whether it's film, literature, music, fine art, etc., offends you, then do not participate in it. You have no right to change it to fit your comfort level.
As you can tell, this is something that I am very passionate about. I don't believe in censorship for comfort. Adventures of Huckleberry Finn is one of the most challenged books in America. There have been several attempts made to ban it from public schools. This also irks me to my core. I can understand and sympathize with parents who want to "protect" their children from certain things in this world. But parents have no right to say what is right for their child is right for all children. I have no qualms with parents who talk to teachers and ask that their child not be "exposed" to a certain book or whatever. But when that parent starts a "crusade" to "save" all children from that book, I get more than a little irritated.
It basically all comes back to this idea that I've had for a very long time and has been the center of all of my political, moral, social, etc. systems of belief: Don't tell me what to do. Nothing makes me more angry than when someone attempts to force me into doing something (or not doing something) because they think they know what is best for me. My basic idea is you don't tell me what to do and I won't tell you what to do. We each just take care of ourselves and things will work out.
As for this whole sanitizing of Huckleberry Finn, I am reminded of something Ray Bradbury once said:
"You don't have to burn books to destroy a culture. Just get people to stop reading them."
Love you.
Mean it.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
So Susceptible To Tumbling Into Love.
I have this terrible habit of frequently falling in love. I don't mean to most of the time. I'll be going along, living my life, minding my own business when I'll encounter some stupid guy. And all he'll have to do is say something clever or write something beautiful or perform something moving or something just as simple as just smile at me and suddenly he's got me. He's unintentionally taken a piece of my heart that I will in all likelihood never get back. And when it happens, all I can do is sit there with a silly feeling in my gut & think, "Damnit. I fell in love again."
Sometimes I wish it wasn't so easy for me to fall for guys. Rarely does anything come of it. The guy typically never finds out that I had a major crush on him. And as such, it's incredibly painful & annoying to own a heart that is so susceptible to tumbling into love.
But even though it usually brings me nothing but torment, I don't know if I would change it if I could. I can be kind of fun to be in a constant state of falling in love. It certainly makes life more exciting, more adventurous. You know that feeling you get when you first start crushing on someone. It's fun, it's silly, it causes all of those slumbering butterflies in your stomach to suddenly & violently wake up and go crazy. It's like a thousand tiny ninjas attacking your brain. Suddenly everything seems so wonderful & yet less important in comparison. I can't help but imagine that one day, even though experience has shown otherwise, something will happen. That guy who unconsciously did something to get me to fall in love with him will notice something I unconsciously do & fall in love with me. We'll eventually figure out how the other feels and things will work out.
Am I being overly optimistic? Yes, completely. But I think everyone needs some kind of stupid silly dream or hope. It's like that this quote I heard from an episode of Raising Hope (a good show, btw). At the end, the main character, Jimmy, says, "If you stop dreaming, you're just sleeping." And I've never been one to "just sleep."
Love you.
Mean it.
Sometimes I wish it wasn't so easy for me to fall for guys. Rarely does anything come of it. The guy typically never finds out that I had a major crush on him. And as such, it's incredibly painful & annoying to own a heart that is so susceptible to tumbling into love.
But even though it usually brings me nothing but torment, I don't know if I would change it if I could. I can be kind of fun to be in a constant state of falling in love. It certainly makes life more exciting, more adventurous. You know that feeling you get when you first start crushing on someone. It's fun, it's silly, it causes all of those slumbering butterflies in your stomach to suddenly & violently wake up and go crazy. It's like a thousand tiny ninjas attacking your brain. Suddenly everything seems so wonderful & yet less important in comparison. I can't help but imagine that one day, even though experience has shown otherwise, something will happen. That guy who unconsciously did something to get me to fall in love with him will notice something I unconsciously do & fall in love with me. We'll eventually figure out how the other feels and things will work out.
Am I being overly optimistic? Yes, completely. But I think everyone needs some kind of stupid silly dream or hope. It's like that this quote I heard from an episode of Raising Hope (a good show, btw). At the end, the main character, Jimmy, says, "If you stop dreaming, you're just sleeping." And I've never been one to "just sleep."
Love you.
Mean it.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Monday, January 3, 2011
#13 What always attracts you to a member of the opposite sex or what are you a sucker for?
I have always been attracted to intellectual dorks. I don't know what it is about a smart guy that makes my little heart go pitter-patter. I guess it could be that any regular dime-a-dozen guy could talk about football or movies (two things I also like), but it takes a really exceptional guy to talk about the influence Kurt Vonnegut had on Chuck Palahniuk's writing or the increase in political activism within my own generation.
However, the guy I'm most attracted to also has to be kind of a dork. There has to be that subtle hint of awkwardness or a vast knowledge of something really obscure and/or something terribly dorky. I really have no explanation as to why I like a twinge of awkwardness in my guys. My affinity for dorkiness can probably be attributed to the fact I'm also a pretty big dork. I can talk your ear off about American literature, bad-ass movies, Russian literature, Allen Ginsberg, the poetry of Charles Bukowski, and other really random subjects. If I don't have a guy who is just as weird as me and who takes a topic I've introduced & run with it, I end up feeling really awkward & angry, which is a odd combination, I'll admit. Maybe that's why I like a guy who's slightly awkward because that's really how I am (though I think I'm a bit more than just "slightly" awkward. I sometimes think I'm too awkward to function.).
The other feature I find so incredibly attractive is a guy who can make me laugh. I love a guy who is clever & has a sharp wit. This is fairly understandable when you consider my intense abhorrence for serious (aka boring) people. I know that there are certain situations that require me to take seriously but those are very few. I like a guy who can laugh at pretty much any type of situation. He is respectful, yes, but that doesn't mean he can't whisper a clever observation to me, even if it's morbid. That's really how I work and attack life. I try as hard as I can to see the humor or irony of every situation. If I have a guy who is too serious or is too easily offended, that relationship isn't going to last long, if it starts at all.
So, yeah. I like my guys smart, awkward, and clever.
Love you.
Mean it.
However, the guy I'm most attracted to also has to be kind of a dork. There has to be that subtle hint of awkwardness or a vast knowledge of something really obscure and/or something terribly dorky. I really have no explanation as to why I like a twinge of awkwardness in my guys. My affinity for dorkiness can probably be attributed to the fact I'm also a pretty big dork. I can talk your ear off about American literature, bad-ass movies, Russian literature, Allen Ginsberg, the poetry of Charles Bukowski, and other really random subjects. If I don't have a guy who is just as weird as me and who takes a topic I've introduced & run with it, I end up feeling really awkward & angry, which is a odd combination, I'll admit. Maybe that's why I like a guy who's slightly awkward because that's really how I am (though I think I'm a bit more than just "slightly" awkward. I sometimes think I'm too awkward to function.).
The other feature I find so incredibly attractive is a guy who can make me laugh. I love a guy who is clever & has a sharp wit. This is fairly understandable when you consider my intense abhorrence for serious (aka boring) people. I know that there are certain situations that require me to take seriously but those are very few. I like a guy who can laugh at pretty much any type of situation. He is respectful, yes, but that doesn't mean he can't whisper a clever observation to me, even if it's morbid. That's really how I work and attack life. I try as hard as I can to see the humor or irony of every situation. If I have a guy who is too serious or is too easily offended, that relationship isn't going to last long, if it starts at all.
So, yeah. I like my guys smart, awkward, and clever.
Love you.
Mean it.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
#78 What would you consider to be your “cult film?”
My cult film is Empire Records. The first time I saw it was the summer before my freshman year of high school. I was hanging out with my two best friends at the time, Heather & Danielle, and some of Heather's ballroom team friends. I can't even remember whose house we were at but one guy, Greg Tennyson, decided we were going to watch it. Heather, Danielle, and I could not stop laughing. On the way home, we quoted several of our favorite lines. For my birthday a year later, they got me the dvd.
Still to this day, it is one of my favorite movies. Whenever I discover someone I know has not only seen it but also loves it, it creates a special bond for me, like we are apart of some inside joke that others don't understand. When I saw it at 14, I didn't realize how many famous actors are in the film. It has Anthony LaPaglia (star of the show Without a Trace) as Joe Reaves, the manager of the music store "Empire Records," Debi Mazar (cast-member of the show Entourage) as Jane, the manager of the pretentious has-been singer, Rex Manning, Rory Cochrane (who was in CSI: Miami for five years until his character was killed off and was in such films as A Scanner Darkly, Public Enemies, & Dazed and Confused) as Lucas, the Empire Records employee who "steals" $9,000 and takes it to Atlantic City in the hopes of wining enough money so that Empire won't be bought out by the chain store Music Town, and Johnny Whitworth (who was also on CSI: Miami for four years, as well as films The Rainmaker & 3:10 to Yuma) as the artist & Empire employee A.J. who wants to tell fellow employee Corey how much he loves her. There's also Robin Tunney (star of the films The Craft & Vertical Limit and currently stars in the tv show The Mentalist--one of my personal favorite shows) as Debra, the tough girl who failed to commit suicide the previous evening, walks into work and promptly shaves her head and Ethan Embry (who was on films such as Harold & Kumar Go to Whit Castle, Can't Hardly Wait, and Eagle Eye) as perpetually high & naive Empire employee Mark. But by far, the two most famous actresses in the movie (before they were famous, albeit) is Renee Zellweger (if you don't know who she is, wow.) as Gina, the promiscuous employee who is best friends with Corey, and Liv Tyler (again, if you don't know who she is, wow), the overachieving student who just got accepted to Harvard but is also a speed-freak. There are other characters, but these are by far the most famous.
What makes this film so memorable for me (besides the story which is pretty cool too) is how quotable the movie is. I've got entire scenes memorized, not to mention just little lines of dialogue that make me happy from time to time. And so, dear readers, I leave you with some of my favorite quotes from my cult film Empire Records.
Lucas: Mitchell's the Man, Joe!
Joe: Yeah? Well, the man calls all the shots!
Lucas: Damn the Man!
A.J.: Joe, I need to ask your advice. Now I know you know a lot about love and women and all that sort of thing...
Joe: Oh, yeah. My wife left me for another woman and my girlfriend forced me to leave at gunpoint. Does this qualify me?
A.J.: Oh yeah, definitely.
Corey: My dad always said that there's 24 useable hours in every day.
[Mark is the only one at the counter & is getting overwhelmed. He answers the phone.]
Mark: Empire Records, open till midnight, this is Mark.
[Pause]
Mark: Midnight!
Warren: Who glued these quarters down?
A.J.: I did.
Warren: What the hell for, man?
A.J.: I don't feel I need to explain my art to you, Warren.
Corey: I'm not like you, I don't need to do what you do with guys.
Gina: Oh, I see. Not like me, the turbo-slut.
[Lucas just lost all the store's money gambling]
Lucas: I wonder if I'll be held responsible for this...
[Warren was just caught shoplifting some CDs]
Joe: I want you to take these [CDs], hold them against your chest, stand against the wall, and they're going to take a photograph of you.
Warren: Why don't you go shove 'em up your ass?
Lucas: ...Because it would hurt a lot, Warren.
Lucas: Joe, I think it's going to be okay.
Joe: What makes you think that?
Lucas: Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear.
A.J.: Lucas, do you think it's possible for a person to be in love with someone else and not even know it?
Lucas: In this life, there are nothing but possibilities.
A.J.: Well, that's good, because I have to tell Corey I love her by 1:37.
Lucas: That is an excellent time.
Warren: Stop calling me Warren! My name isn't FUCKING WARREN!
Eddie: His name's not Warren.
Corey: His name's not Warren.
Berko: His name's not Warren.
Mark: I thought his name was Warren...
Lucas: Joe, I can categorically say that you are not a bigger banana-head.
Lucas: I do not regret the things I have done but those I did not do!
Mark: We mustn't dwell...no, not today. We can't! Not on Rex Manning Day!
Mark: Damn the man! Save the Empire!
Love you.
Mean it.
Still to this day, it is one of my favorite movies. Whenever I discover someone I know has not only seen it but also loves it, it creates a special bond for me, like we are apart of some inside joke that others don't understand. When I saw it at 14, I didn't realize how many famous actors are in the film. It has Anthony LaPaglia (star of the show Without a Trace) as Joe Reaves, the manager of the music store "Empire Records," Debi Mazar (cast-member of the show Entourage) as Jane, the manager of the pretentious has-been singer, Rex Manning, Rory Cochrane (who was in CSI: Miami for five years until his character was killed off and was in such films as A Scanner Darkly, Public Enemies, & Dazed and Confused) as Lucas, the Empire Records employee who "steals" $9,000 and takes it to Atlantic City in the hopes of wining enough money so that Empire won't be bought out by the chain store Music Town, and Johnny Whitworth (who was also on CSI: Miami for four years, as well as films The Rainmaker & 3:10 to Yuma) as the artist & Empire employee A.J. who wants to tell fellow employee Corey how much he loves her. There's also Robin Tunney (star of the films The Craft & Vertical Limit and currently stars in the tv show The Mentalist--one of my personal favorite shows) as Debra, the tough girl who failed to commit suicide the previous evening, walks into work and promptly shaves her head and Ethan Embry (who was on films such as Harold & Kumar Go to Whit Castle, Can't Hardly Wait, and Eagle Eye) as perpetually high & naive Empire employee Mark. But by far, the two most famous actresses in the movie (before they were famous, albeit) is Renee Zellweger (if you don't know who she is, wow.) as Gina, the promiscuous employee who is best friends with Corey, and Liv Tyler (again, if you don't know who she is, wow), the overachieving student who just got accepted to Harvard but is also a speed-freak. There are other characters, but these are by far the most famous.
What makes this film so memorable for me (besides the story which is pretty cool too) is how quotable the movie is. I've got entire scenes memorized, not to mention just little lines of dialogue that make me happy from time to time. And so, dear readers, I leave you with some of my favorite quotes from my cult film Empire Records.
Lucas: Mitchell's the Man, Joe!
Joe: Yeah? Well, the man calls all the shots!
Lucas: Damn the Man!
A.J.: Joe, I need to ask your advice. Now I know you know a lot about love and women and all that sort of thing...
Joe: Oh, yeah. My wife left me for another woman and my girlfriend forced me to leave at gunpoint. Does this qualify me?
A.J.: Oh yeah, definitely.
Corey: My dad always said that there's 24 useable hours in every day.
[Mark is the only one at the counter & is getting overwhelmed. He answers the phone.]
Mark: Empire Records, open till midnight, this is Mark.
[Pause]
Mark: Midnight!
Warren: Who glued these quarters down?
A.J.: I did.
Warren: What the hell for, man?
A.J.: I don't feel I need to explain my art to you, Warren.
Corey: I'm not like you, I don't need to do what you do with guys.
Gina: Oh, I see. Not like me, the turbo-slut.
[Lucas just lost all the store's money gambling]
Lucas: I wonder if I'll be held responsible for this...
[Warren was just caught shoplifting some CDs]
Joe: I want you to take these [CDs], hold them against your chest, stand against the wall, and they're going to take a photograph of you.
Warren: Why don't you go shove 'em up your ass?
Lucas: ...Because it would hurt a lot, Warren.
Lucas: Joe, I think it's going to be okay.
Joe: What makes you think that?
Lucas: Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear.
A.J.: Lucas, do you think it's possible for a person to be in love with someone else and not even know it?
Lucas: In this life, there are nothing but possibilities.
A.J.: Well, that's good, because I have to tell Corey I love her by 1:37.
Lucas: That is an excellent time.
Warren: Stop calling me Warren! My name isn't FUCKING WARREN!
Eddie: His name's not Warren.
Corey: His name's not Warren.
Berko: His name's not Warren.
Mark: I thought his name was Warren...
Lucas: Joe, I can categorically say that you are not a bigger banana-head.
Lucas: I do not regret the things I have done but those I did not do!
Mark: We mustn't dwell...no, not today. We can't! Not on Rex Manning Day!
Mark: Damn the man! Save the Empire!
Love you.
Mean it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)