Atheist's prayer

O Deity Whose Existence I Doubt,

If I were a praying person (which I am not), I would thank you for this beautiful day. It's quite lovely outside. It's warm and sunny, the quail are eating the birdseed I left out for them, my mom's tulips are in full bloom. If you had a hand in creating this day (which you probably didn't), thank you for doing such a fantastic job.

I would also thank you for my family, especially my parents. They're both just wonderful. I owe them a lot. No matter what I've done or what has happened, they have stuck by my side and refused to part with me. The only reason I believe in unconditional, unending love, it is because I have them as parents. 

If I were a praying person (which I am not), I would also thank you for my friends, O Deity Whose Existence I Doubt. I have some of the best friends in the world. They are funny, kind, supportive, and fiercely loyal. They are there for me when I need them and vice versa. I couldn't ask for any better. If you somehow made it so I was friends with these people (which you probably weren't), I thank you.

O Deity Whose Existence I Doubt, if I were a praying person (which I am not), I would ask that you bless me with the strength to finish this semester strong. I have two huge essays to write and an exam to study for so if you could somehow help me with that (which you probably can't), I'd be very appreciative.

If I were a praying person (which I am not), I'd ask you for help with one more thing. I'm still trying to find a job. If you could (but you can't), please help me find a job soon. Again, I'd be very appreciative. 

I guess that's everything, O Deity Whose Existence I Doubt. Thank you again for everything. 

Amen. 

Now Panic and Freak Out

In five days, I will graduate from Utah Valley University.

Now panic and freak out.

I'm sure my feelings of stress and fear are nothing new to the millions of college graduates that have come before me, this terror of "Now what?" But this panic and fear is all too real in my case and I'm starting to lose sleep over all of it.

Here's where I stand:
I'm receiving my Bachelor's of Science in English with an emphasis in Literature and a minor in Cinema Studies.
I am unemployed.
My job search as produced nothing but a neat pile of rejection letters
I'm still living with my parents.
I have some savings that may get me through a couple months rent if I were to move out but no income after that.
And I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life.

Like I said, panic and freak out.

I began my collegiate career back in the fall of 2006 when I entered the hallowed halls of Southern Utah University. Now, five and a half years later, I'm ending my time in college. Before I started college, I had an illustrious public school education, starting in pre-school and ending in graduating from Timpview High School. Essentially, I've been a student for the past 21 years or so. And now that I'll no longer be a student, I'm starting to wonder (and worry) what to do now.

The answer may seem simple to most: get a job. But that's the trouble. As I mentioned earlier, my job search has produced nothing but reject letters. Things aren't so easy for a bright eyed young journalist in Utah right now.

Between me trying to finish my semester's work and worrying about getting a job, I haven't spent much time analyzing what graduating from college really means to me. Sometimes people talk about the moment they decided to go to college. I never had one of those moments. I can't remember a time when going to college was a question. It was something I was going to do. And not only was I going to go but I was going to graduate too. Now here I am, about to graduate, finishing what I set out to accomplish.

I talk about it being terrifying because it is but it is also very exciting. I'm the first person in my family since my dad to graduate from college. And while graduating from college isn't exactly rare nowadays, I'm still very proud of myself. It wasn't easy but I did it.

In five days, I'm going to be a college graduate.

Yes, panic and freak out.
But also cheer, laugh, and congratulate yourself.

Love you.
Mean it.