Thanatophobia

I am tentatively scheduled to die.
One day, for some reason
or for no reason at all,
my lungs will stop breathing,
my heart will stop beating,
and I won't be anymore

Everyone dies.
Everyone knows everyone dies.
Some believe there's something after this.
Some know their options after this.
But I don't.
At least, not anymore.

You see that poor, inert bird on the sidewalk that will never fly again
I crouch down on my knees and cry.

Where do we go, little bird?
Where do we go?

Forgetting my old religion

I don't remember the last time I sincerely prayed. I don't remember the last time I read the Bible or the Book of Mormon The last time I went to church was on Christmas Day because my entire family was going and I didn't want to stay at home alone with the dogs and the presents. Before that, I don't remember the last time I went to church.

I'm starting to forget some of the details of my old religion. I get stories from the scriptures mixed up. I can't recall the wording on some scriptures. I only vaguely remember how some church hymns go. I have no idea who is in the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. All these things that at one time were so second nature to me are now almost foreign.

When you're raised in a family that is a devout believer in any faith, those beliefs become infused with your childhood, with your upbringing. It's almost impossible to separate the two. And now I am forgetting the very things that were carefully taught to me, things that were considered fundamental.

I knew leaving the religion I grew up in would mean a lot of redefining in my life right now. I never considered how it may change my views of the past.

Love you.
Mean it.