I'll Be Right Back

My Dear & Faithful Readers,

There's going to be a brief hiatus of postings here at Love you Mean it.

This is for several reasons.

First, the spring semester officially ended today and I'm feeling a bit worn out. I've got ten days before summer semester beings so I want to try & relax a bit and make a dent in a very long To (freaking) do list before diving in again.

Second, as you may or may not have known, I was recently named the new Culture Editor for the Review. We start publishing bi-monthly in June and then start up doing weeklies once fall starts again. As such, I've got a lot to prepare for so I'm going to be taking more time to do that.

Third and probably most important, my writing hasn't been very decent lately. Actually, in all honesty, it's been shit. I mentioned this before and it hasn't improved. I'm trying to get it back where it used to be but it's slow goings. I hate nearly everything I put down. It's especially frustrating when I have a few topics that I really want to discuss but I just can't seem to get the right words in the right order. But don't worry. I'm not going to give up. Maybe a few days to clear my head will help me sort it out.

As for how long this hiatus is, I don't know exactly. I could be back tomorrow or in a week. I promise I won't be gone more than a few weeks. I just thought I'd let you know why I'm not posting as often as before.

And now, dear & faithful readers, I leave you with the words of Frank Sinatra:

"I'm for anything that gets you through the night, be it prayer, tranquilizers, or a bottle of Jack Daniels."

Love you.
Mean it.

As Heard in the Newsroom, Part 3

This is going to be the last As Heard in the Newsroom for a while. The semester is over. The last issue hit the shelves yesterday. And while we will pick it back up in June for a bi-monthly circulation in the summer and back to our normal weekly circulation in the fall, it won't be the same. Some are graduating & going on to bigger and better things. Some are leaving to focus on other things in life. But I will say this: Being apart of the staff of the UVU Review has been one of the most challenging, rewarding, delightful, hilarious, and uplifting experiences in my life. And I am very, very thankful that I got to be a part of it and that I will continue to be apart of it for the upcoming year.
Cheers.

Part 1

Part 2

That guy kind of looks like he has a mustache even though he doesn’t have a mustache.
-Dave Newlin

It was jarring to see such a fat head on a skinny body.
-Dave Newlin

I didn’t throw it at you. It just happen to hit you.
-Dave Newlin

I am choosing not to believe you.
-Dave Newlin

Wait, one more thing! Cease clapping!
-Dave Newlin

I had drinking to do.
-Dave Newlin

You should’ve given it to Barlow.
Barlow would’ve screwed it up.
Yes, but he would have done it.
-Dave Newlin & John-Ross Boyce

I Dear John-ed him with 2 months left. Then I got a divorce so the joke’s on me!
-Elyse Taylor

I want cheese & I want danishes & I want them at the same time.
-Elyse Taylor

I need to start playing more video games.
Yeah, that’s a good idea.
-Gilby Cisneros & John-Ross Boyce

I like that last statement.
-Jake Buntjer

That was false. That was not a factual statement.
-Jake Buntjer

Who wants to pay me to be a yoga instructor?
-Jarom Moore

The pen is mightier than the sword but I have a bat.
-Jarom Moore

Am I crunking now?
-Jarom Moore

I’m off to go write about some woman.
Write fast.
-Jarom Moore & Andrea Whatcott, on a Friday

If you guys had a sword, could you kill a lion?
It’s all about timing so yes!
-Jarom Moore & Dave Newlin

Barlow is our Ringo, in a good way.
-John-Ross Boyce

They were uber puritan pukes.
-John-Ross Boyce

I will never donate blood. It’s mine. I earned it.
-John-Ross Boyce

I need to look these up. What movie does Nic Cage run around screaming, “I’m a vampire!”?
-John-Ross Boyce

Nadia, I hate everything but that burn.
-John-Ross Boyce in response to Nadia's insult about a writer.

I would use [a sperm bank] like an ATM.
-John-Ross Boyce

We’re like the grumpy old men from the Muppets.
Yes we are.
-John-Ross Boyce & Nadia Ashtawy

Cause nothing says fancy like italics.
-Kelly Cannon

Some of us weren’t alive during the depression.
Don’t worry. We’ll have our chance.
-Kelly Cannon & Jarom Moore

Can you guys whisper a little louder? I can’t read lips.
No!
-Kelly Cannon & Jarom Moore

That song is so funny & creepy yet romantic
-Lex Bourgeous

I know I’m suppose to be college fluent by now but I’m not.
-Mindy Harward, about speaking Spanish

How are you going to present them?
Poorly is my best guess.
-Mindy Harward & Jarom Moore

Cause in the 60s...
It was cool to lie.
-Mindy Harward & Nadia Ashtawy

I’m not a connoisseur of anything.
-Nadia Ashtawy

Yeah! Play that at my bar mitzvah!
-Nadia Ashtawy

But it’s really hard to make eye contact with chickens.
-Nadia Ashtawy

I don’t like the name Math Lab. It sounds too much like Meth Lab.
-Nadia Ashtawy

It’s not a virginal name.
-Nadia Ashtawy

I try to be an equal opportunity slammer.
-Robbin Anthony

Love you.

Mean it. 

Summer Movies: Previews & Predictions

It's that glorious time of year for cinephiles. It's the time when we save up our hard earned income, live at the movie theaters and survive off a balanced diet of soda & popcorn. It's almost summer, which means summer movies! 

Oh frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!

I have taken the liberty of visiting apple trailers and picked out ones I am going to see, ones I'm going to avoid, and ones I haven't decided yet. If you're wondering why I not post the trailers here, it's not that I don't know how. It's that, when considering how many movies I'm going to go over, it's quite a feat & frankly, I'm lazy. So you can go and open up another tab on your browser and watch the movies yourself. I'm not going to do all the work, damnit. Also, it should be noted that these decisions have been mostly based upon the trailers, with a few also being supplemented by reading articles online or in Entertainment Weekly (which 1. I don't know why we have a subscription to Entertainment Weekly, and 2. Has a deceptive name since it comes out only bi-monthly and not "weekly").

Movies I Am Psyched Out of My Mind About

The High Cost of Living, May 13

First of all, it has Zach Braff playing a serious role as a chain-smoking drug dealer who hits a pregnant woman with his car. But he then tries to take care of her and make his & her life better. I'm trying to think of other movies Zach Braff has played a serious role in (The Last Kiss, Garden State(?) and...). But he looks like he pulls it off nicely. Of course, it may take a few minutes for me not to see him as J.T. from Scrubs but I have high hopes for this film. 

The Help, Aug. 12

Before you ask, no. I have not read the book. But I am going to (promise 3 times) before I see the movie. The trailer looked charming. Emma Stone is my new favorite actress. I love her in nearly everything she's been in and I think she will be awesome in this movie. She plays a reporter (triple awesome points!) who writes about the lives of the African-American servants, cooks, nannies, maids, etc. in Jackson, Mississippi during segregation. It really does look like it would be a great combination of fun and importance, blending its message with an overall entertaining story. I'm excited. 

Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Aug. 5

While it is true I'll see anything with James Franco, this looks so cool. Now, before you go all ape-shit (pun very much intended) about how the last remake Planet of the Apes (2001) was just awful (and, yes. It was pretty icky as movies go, despite it staring Mark Wahlberg & Tim Roth. You have to remember that it was directed by Tim Burton and while he may have had a few successes (see: Nightmare Before Christmas & Big Fish), it's basically a crap shoot whether he's going to turn out something awesome or an abortion of a movie (see: Sweeney Todd & Corpse Bride)) I promise you, this movie looks legitimately awesome. It's basic story is how we got from the present time to the "future" that Charlton Heston found himself in the original Planet of the Apes (1968) where *Spoiler Alert* Earth had been taken over by apes & monkeys. (The original is well worth your time if you haven't seen it. Just seeing Charlton Heston say, "Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!") The CGI apes & monkeys look pretty realistic, which only adds to the unsettling factor of the whole story. 

Cowboys & Aliens, July 29

Two of my favorite genres, believe it or not, are science-fiction & westerns. These two rarely come together with pleasing results (the exception, of course, being the TV show Firefly and the movie based on the TV show Serenity (or was it the other way around? I always forget in these "chicken/egg" situations). However, this movie looks promising. I mean, with a title like Cowboys & Aliens it gets right to the point of the whole movie. Plus, I like Daniel Craig. He's rugged, stoic, and has the most enchanting blue eyes I have ever seen. And with the James Bond movies on hiatus until further notice *wipes away a tear* we need to see Craig in more kick-ass roles. I hope this one will suit him. 

The Perfect Host, July 1

This looks awesome! First, we don't get to see David Hyde Pierce nearly enough. He's brilliant. (I have a theory that a male actor with 3 names is always worth watching. Case in point: Neil Patrick Harris, Tommy Lee Jones, Joseph Gordon-Leavitt, etc.) In this role he plays a man who seems normal enough who is at home preparing for a "dinner party" when a bank robber bursts into his home looking for a place to hide. Pierce seems weak and willing to submit when suddenly things are not what they seem. Turns out all of the "guests" of Pierces's dinner party are figments of his demented imagination. The robber is now at the mercy of this off-balanced psycho, who, in classic David Hyde Pierce, is still a gentleman, which makes it all the more unsettling. Oooo! I'm excited!

Thor, May 6

Green Lantern, June 17

Captain America, July 22

Do I even need to explain to you all why I want to see these movies?  They're going to be awesome! First of all, I don't think I need to mention how much my level of dorkiness rises when talking about comic books (I am currently wearing a Green Lantern shirt. It's okay to feel jealous. I know I'm awesome). Now, add in my dorkiness over movies and I'm too dorky to function. They look really, really promising and I love love love that Ryan Reynolds is playing the Green Lantern. He's one of my favorites. Sigh, summers are awesome when you have 3 comic book movies to look forward to. 

Hesher, May 13

There are no words to describe how much I want to see this movie. Well, okay, I'm going to take a whack at it. This movie is a limited release, meaning it is not coming to Utah. The closest place it's showing is Denver. I am wiling to go to Denver (the current preferred mode of transportation is a train cause, c'mon, who doesn't love trains?) to see this film. It has Joseph Gordon-Leavitt & Natalie Portman (two of my favorite actors/actresses) and looks kick-ass. If you don't watch any other trailer from this list, watch that one. Do it now. I'll wait...You back? Good. Wasn't that awesome & well-worth the trip to Denver???

(Dis)Honorable Mentions 

Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows, Part 2--July 15
I know if I don’t throw this up there, there’s going to be an angry mob outside my house wearing robes (black ones a la Hogwarts, not white ones a la KKK) howling for my blood as they raise their store bought $50 wands in rage. The fact of the matter is I stopped watching the movies after the third one. I’m not a huge fan of when they take books I’ve read & loved and turn them into movies. This is especially true when it’s a series. I invested a lot of time and emotion into reading those books. And I don’t care if you have Martin Scorcesee directing them (hmmm... that would be interesting...). It’s not going to be as good as the books. Period. But if there are people out there who will dress up and wait in line for hours to see the midnight showing, more power to you. Those people did the same for the book releases, which I think is pretty kick-ass & needs to happen more. 

Pirates of the Caribbean 4: On Stranger Tides--May 20th
First of all, really? You guys have already sucked this franchise into one really good movie, one rather lame, mediocre movie, and one more decent movie. Now you’re going to keep going? How many more nonsensical hole-filled plot-lines can you guys shell out? Don’t get me wrong. The first Pirates movie was delightful. I like Captain Jack Sparrow as much as the next person. But, as with most trilogies that weren’t originally planned to be trilogies, it was all down hill from there. It’s time to bury the dead horse and stop beating the poor thing, okay?

Transformers 3: Dark Side of the Moon--July 1
No, Michael Bay. No. Did you see that last abortion you called a Transformer movie? I mean, I know you’re a fan of explosions and so am I. But it was a little much for me (and that’s saying something). And did you really have to hypersexualize Megan Fox that much i.e. doesn’t she know there is no motorcycle repair that requires you to lie out on the seat of the bike in shorts that are better suited for underwear? (Trust me, I know this for a fact). I mean, I know she’s not the best actress in the universe (i.e. she’s just awful) but she is a person, not an object for men to fantasize over later. Not to mention, a Transformer that “needs” to have testicles swinging from its loins is just stupid. You did graduate from fifth grade, didn’t you Mr. Bay? So no, I will not see your third attempt at a Transformer movie. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice... 

X-Men: First Class, June 3
I’m sorry, I didn’t see the third X-Men movie or the one that focused on Wolverine. I was bored with the franchise. It wasn’t nearly as cool as I thought it would be. You can chalk that up to high expectations or me being a film snob. Whatever. 

Horrible, Horrible, Dear God, How Were These Allowed To Be Created, Movies to Avoid 

Bridesmaids, May 13
Basically the Hangover but with chicks. Yawn.

Bad Teacher, June 24
It’s about a horrible, horrible teacher (played by Diaz, who is possibly the worst actress ever) who suddenly starts teaching her kids (in horrible, horrible ways) so she can win a bonus for the highest test scores so she can get a boob job to impress a new good teacher (Timberlake). Call up the Academy right now!

Friends with Benefits, July 22
Didn’t they already make this movie? **cough, cough, No Strings Attached, cough, cough**

Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World, Aug. 14
Really, Robert Rodriguez? Don’t get me wrong, I like your stuff but, really? Anytime you have to attach the number 4 to a title (or 3 or even 2 for that matter), you really need to think it over. Ask yourself “Is this Toy Story?” If the answer is no, step away from the movie.

Meh, I Could Go Either Way (That’s what she said)

The Tree of Life, May 27 

I’ve watched the trailer for this movie several times and ever time I do, I am uncomfortable for some unknown reason. I don’t know if that will be how it feels during the entire course of the movie or just a fluke with the trailer.

Midnight in Paris, May 20
Looks like an interesting enough story. But it’s a drama & it has Luke Wilson so you can understand my initial skepticism.

The Big Bang, May 13
Might be a fun movie to see. There won’t be much of a plot but at least it knows that. It looks good in that post-modern, ironic, wink-wink kind of way, which can be enjoyable.

Everything Must Go, May 13
I love Raymond Carver’s stories (I just finished the collection What We Talk About When We Talk About Love. Great stuff.) but I’m hesitant to go see this. Basically cause Will Ferrell seems to be more “Will Ferrell” than is necessary for this role. I mean, I know he can do drama (see: Stranger Than Fiction) but the reason he was so delightful in that movie was he didn’t seem like he was exhausting himself trying to get us to laugh and in that sense, Everything Must Go feels tired.

Beginners, June 3
I like Ewan McGregor and the plot looks interesting enough. I might give it a shot.

A Better Life, June 24
A remake of The Bicycle Thief, if I’ve ever seen one. 

Mr. Popper’s Penguins, June 17
I loved this book growing up. I’m skeptical but keeping my fingers crossed. Plus it has Angela Lansbury! Who can say no to that???

Another Earth, July 22
Looks interesting enough... But I need more info before dedicating myself.

The Hangover II, May 26

The first one was pretty funny but, again, unless movies were originally meant to have a sequel or be a trilogy, I'm hesitant and skeptical. I don't know. Maybe it'll be good? The trailer looks like a rehashing of all the same jokes delivered in a different context. I'll keep my fingers crossed but I won't be surprised if it sucks. 

Movies That Have Already Come Out But I Haven't Got Around To Seeing Them Yet But I Will. I Promise. Three Times.

The Bang Bang Club, April 22

I bet this movie has a limited release but looks well worth the time and effort to see it. It looks gritty, unsettling, moving, poignant, raw, and honest. I will see this movie. 

HANNA, April 8

I've heard excellent things about this movie & seems to be just up my alley: violence, corrupted government, powerful not-hypersexualized leading lady. Good stuff. 

The Music Never Stopped, March 18

After I saw the trailer for the first time, I described it as charming and delightful. As I've mentioned before, I don't know shit about popular music. But this film looks like a great way to learn, while also enjoying a great story. 

Conspicuously Missing Movies 

Anything that’s horror. I don’t do horror unless it’s at home and I have a guy’s arm to bury my face into.

So that's it, dear & faithful readers. I'll be surprised if you were able to get through all of this. I'll be even more surprised if you're not concerned over how intense my love of movies is. But it's okay. I'm just as God (or whoever/whatever) made me. 

Love you. 

Mean it. 

I Don't Think That's Too Much to Ask

Lately, I've been the odd-man-out more than normal. I've got a lot of married friends or friends in committed relationships. It's nice that they invite me out with them & I typically have an enjoyable time. But there is always this nagging irritation in the back of my head that makes me painfully aware that I'm a third, fifth, seventh, etc. wheel in the group.

I haven't been in a relationship since September of 2009. It's been so long, I'm starting to forget how they work, especially how they start. A group of us were talking the other day about break ups. I had to reach back into the dusty archives of my memories to recall the reasons for the various break ups in my life. It's been so long since I was in a relationship, I think it's safe to say I am very much out of practice.

I was talking to my friend Gus about this whole "being single" thing and he concluded I'm just in a shitty situation. For starters, I'm not going to date a Mormon. It's not that I have anything against Mormons. A lot of my favorite people are Mormon and they are (for the most part) very lovely people. The reason I won't date a Mormon is because I am not a Mormon and, as such, I cannot go where a typical Mormon guy eventually wants to go in a relationship (i.e. a temple marriage). I wouldn't want to take something away from him that means that much to him and it doesn't look like I'm going to re-convert anytime soon so we might as well avoid that whole painful situation by me just saying no to all Mormon prospects.

Second, I do have somewhat of an intelligence prerequisite for the guys I date. I know I am a pretty smart girl and, as such, I tend to enjoy the company of intelligent guys over not so intelligent ones. Gus says that my small pool of Non-Mormon options is further shrunk by this desire for intelligence in a boyfriend. This is not to say there aren't guys out there who fit both criteria. It just thins the herd if you will. Now, take your small group of intelligent Non-Mormon guys in Utah Valley and then remove all of those who aren't single. This leaves us with an even smaller group, if you can imagine. Now I have to find someone within this terribly small group whom not only I find attractive but also finds me attractive. And, considering how sometimes I'm too awkward to function, you can see the problem.

Yep, Gus summed it up quite nicely: Shitty Situation.

Fixing this situation may require me to move to a new locale or frequenting different establishments for entertainment. I'm not sure exactly. People always say it's when you're not looking for love that you find it. I don't know if I believe that. I've been through many a period of looking, not looking, glancing, hiding, hunting, & waiting, and nothing has ever come of it.

I just don't know what to do anymore. As I said, nothing I've tried has worked and I'm getting tired. I am getting used to spending my weekends alone, though even after I typed that it sounds even more pathetic than it did in my head. I don't need constant entertainment or love or whatever you want to call it. If you regularly frequent this blog, you know what I want.

I want someone to come home to. I want to be able to get through all of the shitty days I'm bound to have because I know he will be home waiting for me. That's all, really. And I don't think that's too much to ask.

Love you.
Mean it.

No Good Writing Has Ever Come From an Ordinary Life

My writing has felt pretty stale lately. It seems like everything I write I've written before. It's all cliche, trite, hackneyed. I can't seem to get the right words in the right order anymore. You could chalk it up to stress except I don't really have any. You could blame it on boredom. My life hasn't been too exciting lately. With school drawing to a close and the Review being done for a bit, my two main sources of entertainment/purpose/reason to get out of the house are going, going, gone. And there's only so much Netflix you can watch or reading you can do before you want to put a gun to your head & paint the walls with your brains.

It's this feeling of my life being dominated by the ordinary, the expected, the usual. I crave adventure, excitement, passion, rage. Extreme love or extreme fear. Actually, extreme anything really. I want extremes.  I want to do something to fuck up my life cause at least then I'll have some kind of powerful emotion to experience. No good writing has ever come from an ordinary life.

And yeah, it may be stupid but I am sick of every day being the same damn thing. I want something different. I don't care what. I want my phone to ring right now & for someone on the other line to invite me out for an adventure. I want to be able to text a friend & say, "I want to get out of here." and all they'll say in response is, "Okay. Let's do it." We'll get in the car & just see where the road takes us. Even if it just takes us back to someone's house & we get pleasantly intoxicated while we watch David Lynch movies, I'm okay with that. I just what something different. I want to feel something besides this gnawing anxiety that I'm wasting time, going from one distraction to the next. And I want to feel something in the most extreme kind of way. I don't want infatuation. I want love. I don't want annoyance. I want hatred. I don't want nervousness. I want terror. No more half-assed emotion bullshit. I want something real, something to write home about.

Love you.
Mean it.

I Don't Mind Waiting

I have this friend. We'll call him "Tom." He is one of the most enjoyable people I know. He's intelligent, humorous, intriguing, and passionate. People are drawn to his company because they generally enjoy being around him. He's guaranteed to make you laugh or at least smile to yourself. He's boisterous and sometimes intimidating but I love being around him.

Lately though he's been incredibly withdrawn. He's not the same person. He's been isolating himself more and more. Even when he's around others, he still pulls himself inward and doesn't engage with anyone. Where he would normally contribute to a conversation with a witty argument or just an irreverent snarky comment, he remains uncharacteristically silent. He's become increasingly introverted. It's obvious something is troubling him, but he won't let anyone in long enough to discover what that is. I'm worried about him. I try to talk to him, see if he's doing okay, see if I can help him somehow. He constantly assures me he's okay and I shouldn't worry. This only makes me worry more.

The other day there was a brief moment when we talked, really talked for the first time in weeks. He told me what has been going on in his mind, though I know it was only a tiny portion. It was only a few minutes before the demands of life cut our conversation short. I told him to take care of himself. He said he would.

As he walked away, I felt that old familiar feeling that I was used to experiencing. My mind flashed back to Jack. That mixture of worry, concern, sympathy, love, and an intense desire to help always came full force whenever I was around Jack. It was his nature to be closed off & withdrawn. He'd only really open up in bed when he had his arms around me. He'd talk to me and my heart would ache. I cared for him deeply. I still care about him, more than just a normal friendship, though we never formed a romantic relationship. And I still worry about him. If he needed my help, I'd drop everything to be by his side. (And that isn't a hyperbole. It's the truth.) But he's not the type to ask for help and tells me constantly not to worry.  But I do anyway.

Now, seeing Tom so closed off & obviously struggling ignites those same feelings of worry & love, leaving me only to remain active on the side, patiently, lovingly waiting for when he's ready to talk. And I'll be there whenever that is. I don't mind waiting. That's what loyalty means sometimes. You set your love & concern on the table and patiently wait for the time when they're ready to pick it up. There's no hurry. That's what friends do.

Love you.
Mean it.

Why Do We Write?

A few days ago I was in my Professional Considerations for English Majors class. I was right in the middle of trying to figure out what who this one guy in class reminds me of and writing a to (freaking) do list for the remainder of the week when I started to think about why we write. I mean, we all write to some degree. We write emails, grocery lists, Facebook/Twitter updates, etc. but there is a part of this population that has this insatiable need to write on a deeper level. We "writers" have this desire to write fiction, non-fiction, creative non-fiction, poetry, essays, articles, etc. Some of us just write in journals. But why? Why do we do it? Why do we bother to spend our time creating rounded characters and whole worlds? Why do we struggle and obsess over each line or each word in our poems? Why do we slave over essays and articles until they are perfect?

I want to understand this not because I am against writing. Rather, because I love to write and do it quite often (as is evidenced by this very blog). Yet I am unable to explain why I write. And this feeling of needing to write and simultaneously not knowing exactly why fascinates me. Nearly everything I do and believe has an entire logical justification behind it. I am uncomfortable with the idea of doing anything or believing anything without a real reason. And yet I've been writing for so long without knowing why I do it.

So why do I write? Sometimes I write in order to understand something better. I explore ideas and possibilities. There have been several times when I've reached an epiphany right in the middle of my writing, something that I didn't even think of before. Sometimes I write because I have a funny idea and I like making people laugh. I mean, I know I'm a fairly funny person and I love it when my natural humor comes out in my writing. It's kind of my "voice," I guess. This snarky, sarcastic, self-depricating, intelligent voice is very distinctly "me." Sometimes I write things because I need to talk about something. Sometimes I write because something needs to be talked about.

I once told someone I started writing because I couldn't paint. That is true, for the most part. I had all this creative energy and I tried to express it by painting. It didn't work out so well. So, as an alternative, I started writing and I haven't stopped since. I mean, yes, there have been times of feast or famine but I've always been writing. I guess it's the best way for me to express myself.

I once asked this one guy why he writes. He told me simply, "Because it wasn't there before." That is a pretty cool feeling, to put something out there knowing it is completely unique. No one will be able to say what you have to say exactly the way you say it. And sometimes, mostly in regards to poetry, it's nice to know you've put a little more beauty in the world.

Love you.
Mean it.

Cinematic Lessons

Being the Cinephile that I am, I spend copious amounts of time watching movies. If I took all the time I've spent watching movies and used it for something more productive, I'm pretty sure I would've cured cancer by now.

However, this is not to say I haven't learned something from all the movies I have seen. Movies have this ability to show us what really matters. Picasso once said, "Art is the lie that makes us realize the truth." Movies, as an art-form, are able to teach us lessons in truth that stick with us. Sometimes these are just one line from the movie. But it does stick with us. So, without further ado, here is a list of lessons movies have taught me. 

1. It's not personal. It's business. -The Godfather
2. Don't ever take sides against the family. -The Godfather
3. It's time to nut up or shut up. -Zombieland
4. Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken. -Fight Club
5. There are 24 usable hours in every day, thank you. -Empire Records
6. In this life, there are nothing but possibilities. -Empire Records
7. I do not regret the things I have done but those I did not do. -Empire Records
8. Don't fuck with the people who handle your food. -Waiting
9. Even the Mona Lisa is falling apart. -Fight Club
10. Evey: Who are you? V: What I am is a man in a mask. Evey: Well, I can see that. V: Of course you can. I'm not questioning your powers of observation. I'm merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked man who he is. -V for Vendetta
11. Evey: Is everything a joke to you, Gordon? Gordon: Only the things that matter. -V for Vendetta
12. Delia: Is it too late to apologize? V: Never. Delia: I'm so sorry. -V for Vendetta
13. Valerie: It seems strange that my life should end in such a terrible place, but for three years I had roses and apologized to no one. -V for Vendetta
14. This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time. -Fight Club
15. On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero. -Fight Club
16. The things you own end up owning you. -Fight Club
17. Now, we must all fear evil men. But there's another kind of evil which we must fear most, and that is the indifference of good men. -Boondock Saints
18. You're right, actually. I am pretty, --I am pretty troubled and I'm, I'm pretty confused. But I...and I'm afraid. Really, really afraid. Really afraid. But I...I think you're the fucking antichrist. -Donnie Darko
19. What is learning? It's paying attention. It's opening you up to the big ball of shit we call life. And what's the worst thing that could happen is you get bit in the ass. Well, let me tell you, my ass looks like hamburger meat but I can still sit down. -Accepted
20. We all end up dead. It's just a question of how and why. -Braveheart
21. Mister, you got a lot to learn about people. -Silverado 
22. I've got a touch of hangover, bureaucrat. Don't push me. -McLintock
23. Hans: This time John Wayne does not walk into the sunset with Grace Kelly. John: That was Gary Cooper, asshole. -Die Hard
24. If you get all of us together, we ain't got a gang. We've got an army. -Gangs of New York
25. When you kill a king, you don't stab him in the dark. You kill him where the entire court can watch him die. -Gangs of New York
26. Ever notice how you come across somebody once in a while you shouldn't have fucked with? That's me. -Gran Torino
27. Thao: What was it like to kill someone? Walt: You don't want to know. -Gran Torino
28. The thing that haunts a guy is the stuff he wasn't ordered to do. -Gran Torino
29. You know the best part? It isn't knowing that your friends have your back. It's knowing that you have your friends' back. -Greenstreet Hooligans 
30. Good friends are one of life's blessings. Don't give them up without a fight. -Harriet the Spy
31. It's the wood that should fear your hand, not the other way around. No wonder you can't do it, you acquiesce defeat before you even begin. -Kill Bill, Vol. II
32. Plank: Ah! They fucking shot me! Dog: Well, fucking shoot 'em back! -Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels
33. You shook Sinatra's hand. You should know better. -Ocean's Thirteen
34. Well, be careful, man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork. -Pineapple Express
35. Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something. -The Princess Bride
36. Half of writing history is hiding the truth. -Serenity
37. I don't care what you believe in, just believe in it. -Serenity
38. You should never underestimate the predictability of stupidity. -Snatch
39. Desperation is a stinky cologne. -Super Troopers
40. I'm not too worried about it, really. I wouldn't worry about it. Don't worry about it. I'm not worried at all. 
41. Because it's a book about a man who doesn't know he's about to die. And then he dies. But if a man does know he's about to die and dies anyway, dies,--dies willingly, knowing that he could stop it, then-- I mean, isn't that the type of man who you want to keep alive? -Stranger than Fiction 
42. As Harold took a bite of Bavarian sugar cookie, he finally felt as if everything was going to be ok. Sometimes, when we lose ourselves in fear and despair, in routine and constancy, in hopelessness and tragedy, we can thank God for Bavarian sugar cookies. And, fortunately, when there aren't any cookies, we can still find reassurance in a familiar hand on our skin, or a kind and loving gesture, or subtle encouragement, or a loving embrace, or an offer of comfort, not to mention hospital gurneys and nose plugs, an uneaten Danish, soft-spoken secrets, and Fender Stratocasters, and maybe the occasional piece of fiction. And we must remember that all these things, the nuances, the anomalies, the subtleties, which we assume only accessorize our days, are effective for a much larger and nobler cause. They are here to save our lives. I know the idea seems strange, but I also know that it just so happens to be true. And, so it was, a wristwatch saved Harold Crick. -Stranger than Fiction
43. Dr. Hilbert: Hell, Harold. You could just eat nothing but pancakes if you wanted. Harold: What is wrong with you? Hey, I don't want to eat nothing but pancakes, I want to live! I mean, who in their right mind in a choice between pancakes and living chooses pancakes? Dr. Hilbert: Harold, if you pause to think, you'd realize that the answer is inextricably contingent upon the type of life being led...and, of course, the quality of the pancakes. -Stranger than Fiction. 
44. We're having too good a time today. We ain't thinking about tomorrow. -Public Enemies
45. I know your head aches; I know you're tired; I know your nerves are as raw as meat in a butcher's window. But think what you're trying to accomplish. Think what you're dealing with. The majesty and grandeur of the English language, it's the greatest possession we have. The noblest thoughts that ever flowed through the hearts of men are contained in its extraordinary, imaginative, and musical mixtures of sounds. And that's what you've set yourself out to conquer Eliza. And conquer it you will. -My Fair Lady
46. There's a time when a man needs to fight, and a time when he needs to accept that his destiny is lost...the ship has sailed and only a fool would continue. Truth is...I've always been a fool. -Big Fish
47. See, to him, there's only two women: your mother and everyone else. -Big Fish
48. You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain. -The Dark Knight
49. If you're good at something, never do it for free. -The Dark Knight
50. If you can't do something smart, do something right. -Serenity
51. Life is a banquet, and most poor sons-of-bitches are starving to death. -Mame
52. Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. -Ferris Bueller's Day Off
53. Judy: Love means never having to say you're sorry. Howard: That's the dumbest thing I ever heard. -What's Up, Doc?
54. Terry Benedict: The last time we talked, you hung up on me. Rusty Ryan: You used nasty words. -Ocean's Twelve
55. It's amazing how fast the world can go from bad to total shit storm. -Zombieland

Love you.

Mean it. 

How My Failed Attempts to Impress Guys Turned Into My Favorite Things

I was driving home from an overall weird & slightly uncomfortable experience last night when it dawned on me: a lot of my personality or, more specifically, my interests have stemmed from me trying to impress a guy.

It's true, in a shockingly high number of instances.

I started listening to Dashboard Confessional to impress David, Dropkick Murphys to impress Scott, and Ben Folds to impress Joe. I started reading Russian Literature and Chuck Palahniuk to impress Brian, comic books to impress Joe, The Walking Dead to impress Jarom, and Heart of Darkness to impress J.R.. I started watching Sons of Anarchy to impress Andy and Dr. Who to impress Joe. I started dabbling in photography to impress Sage and philosophy to impress Gus & Brian. There are other examples but this is probably sufficient to make my point.

The thing is while I became interested in these various things to impress a guy, I now genuinely like them and enjoy participating in them. I've read boatloads of Russian Literature & comic books, and everything ever written by Chuck Palahniuk. Ben Folds & the Dropkick Murphys are two of my favorite bands (Dashboard was for a very long time in my life but I have since grown out of them). I love Sons of Anarchy, Dr. Who, photography & philosophy.

It makes me feel weird knowing that the initial interest in these various things stemmed from trying to get a guy to notice me. But I don't think it should matter now. I mean, if I didn't enjoy these things, I probably would stop doing time, right? But I really, really do enjoy them. I guess in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter where the origin of your interests comes from as long as your continued interest is genuine.

Love you.
Mean it.

When It Was Enough

It's when the night has become unbearable and my bedroom feels like a cage
I think back to that single solitary night.
You walked in with a mason jar of whiskey and a half-grin on your face.
We sat and talked and drank and talked and once we were both blissfully drunk,
we walked out the door and headed south
because sometimes conversations aren't suited for kitchen tables.

We walked to the waterfall across from the Braithwaite
and I finally confessed how much I hated my life,
how I wanted to be back in Cedar.
I cried as we sat on that bench and you held me
And told me you loved me.

And I know it wasn't the same as when I said it three years before
but it was enough to get me through that night
and subsequent nights since.

20 Feet Away

He's within my line of sight, maybe 20 feet away.
And I'm terrified.

A letter has been sitting in my wallet for months now,
its intended receiver is just 20 feet away,
20 goddamn feet,
and I can't move.

Suddenly it seems stupid.
A letter written in black ink on college ruled notebook paper.
It was on a Monday during a late night English class.
I wrote it instead of paying attention.
A short letter saying thank you.
It seemed like a good idea at the time.

But now,
I'm 20 feet away from the man I owe so much to.
I'm starting to think maybe I should throw it away.

20 feet away and my hands are shaking.

I've been meaning to give him this letter for months
and haven't seen him once.
It seemed easy enough.
Just give it to him, make an excuse to leave and get the hell out of there.
Go hide away and let my cheeks burn furiously in private.

20 feet away,
and I feel so stupid.

For some unknown, frustrating reason I care what he thinks of me.
I haven't seen or talk to him in months
and I still care what he thinks.

He's better than me, you know.
He's better than all my ex friends & ex lovers,
better than pretty much everyone I know.

20 goddamn feet.

Love you.
Mean it.

Being a Good Writer or Being a Coward.

There was this time where I texted this guy and asked him to tell me a secret.

This was months ago, late at night. When it's that late, I felt alone and when I feel alone, I become terrified. I don't know. Maybe I was hoping he'd make me feel less alone, less terrified.

He wrote back, "Ninety nine percent of the things I've ever written are complete fiction."
That's a direct quote. I saved it on my phone. Even after we stopped talking, even after I screwed up real bad & was too afraid to ever talk to him again, I still kept that message.

He's a fantastic writer. And I'm not just saying that cause I know him or thought he was attractive. I mean he is a goddamn great writer. I read his stuff as often as I can & I know I'm nowhere near the same level he is. Hell, I know few people who are.

That message has always stuck with me. It's a nice contrast, I guess. Ninety nine percent of my writing is completely true, in one sense or another. I can't write fiction or anything that isn't true. My own experiences, my own pain, my own happiness, my own life, essentially, always comes out. I guess you could say I'm a bad liar. I can't write something without part of myself being on that page, in full display, for anyone to read it. I've never regretted infusing my own personal stuff into my writing. It's the only way I know how. I just don't see the point in telling my story but changing my name to Maria or whoever.

And I don't want to call him a liar, but I don't think I believe him. I've read his stuff. He says it's completely fiction but there is real truth, love, pain, etc. in everything he writes. And I don't know if his ability to convey all of that through fiction is a sign of being a good writer or being a coward.

Maybe it's both.

I don't regret many things in life (I find regret to be a stupid emotion) but I regret not forming a friendship with him. And I may not care what the vast majority of people think of me, but I care what he thinks of me. I haven't seen him in months and I still care what he thinks. I don't know if that's pathetic or tragic.

Maybe it's both.

Love you.
Mean it.

Kelly Pretends To Be a Music Critic

Last night I went to Muse Music for the first time in nearly seven years. The summer I was 15-years-old, my two besties and I spent every Friday night there, gladly giving up our hard earned allowance to pay the cover. It has changed a lot since I frequented it as jail-bait. I like the setup now. It's a cafe in the front with a "stage-esque" playing room in the back that reminds me of what I imagine Oregon grunge bands first playing in.

The reason I revisited the place of my misspent(?) youth was John-Ross Boyce & his Troubles were playing. Even though I've only seen them play twice before, I thoroughly enjoy their performances and this one was their best yet. However, the first band was so god-awful, it bears repeating.

The first group consisted of five guys, 1 singer, 2 guitarists, 1 bassist, and 1 drummer, who all could be considered on the "edgier" side of hipster, if there is such a thing. Their "songs"  consisted mostly of deep guttural screaming (i.e. what I imagine Satan himself sounding like, if he actually existed) and some higher pitched unintelligible singing/screaming (i.e. what Satan would sound like if he had his balls chopped off).

Apparently, their E.P. is called "The Decay of Human Existence," or some bullshit like that. A title like that sounds so trite and cliche, I started to feel bad for them. However, despite their complete lack of coherent and discernible lyrics & the intense desire I had to smack them for thinking they're a hardcore mix of Ozzy & The Used in Utah, their music didn't sound too bad. It was simple but clean & interesting enough and you can't complain about that, I suppose.

The one guitarist, whom I'm sure any able 5-year-old could beat up without difficulty, seemed to have an affinity for squatting up and down in a way somewhat reminiscent of a frog. It was terribly awkward to watch, especially when he kept doing it over and over and over. In fact, the entire band, minus the singer and drummer, seemed to enjoy squatting down as low as their tight pants will allow and thrashing their heads about. The frog-squatter wasn't too bad of musician. He played a few solos here and there that spoke of actual talent. I just wish he knew how utterly stupid he looked up there during his frog-squatting sessions. The bassist seemed WAY too into whatever the hell he was doing and, since I could never figure out what that was, he looked just silly.

Overall, first prize for the band Dismemberment of Me goes to the drummer for being the only bandmember who didn't look like a total asshole-tool on stage. But as a whole, this was a total suckfest.

Love you.
Mean it.

#12: What is the most attractive thing that a member of the opposite sex can wear?

Okay, bear with me cause this may get confusing.

The most attractive thing a guy can wear is a suit. Now, not just any suit will do. When I say a suit, I do not mean an off-the rack at Sears suit. I mean a nice tailored suit that fits him perfectly. The tie and shoes must match the suit and, for God's sake, no novelty ties. Those are always, always a bad idea. If I see a guy wearing a tie that has a pattern of footballs or what-have-you, I don't even bother.  We are adults, gentlemen. It's time to start dressing like one.

I also like little details that are different or legitimately vintage. This may include a vest, a pocket watch, cufflinks, a newsboy hat, a scarf, etc. Little details like that subtly show off his personality and own style.

Now, what's even more important than the kind of suit the guy wears is the attitude he has when he wears it. There must be an air of formality, since suits are not to be worn just any time. But, as always, a casual feeling must be dominant. That's why the little details like a vest or a newsboy hat are so important. It shows that the guy owns the suit, not the other way around. So many times I find guys wearing suits but it's so obvious they are uncomfortable in their attire. It's as if the suit owns them. If you're going to wear a suit, you'd better goddamn rock the hell out of it. It's like me and a dress with heels. I don't wear them very often (actually, hardly at all) but when I do, I wear them, I own them, and I rock them. Commit to your attire. And if you're not comfortable in it, don't wear it. Period.

Love you.
Mean it.

I Miss the Real You

Look,

I know we haven't known each other for very long and there are plenty of people who know you far better than I do. But don't you go telling me not to worry or that you're just fine cause I know you well enough to know that you're not. Something's off. Something's wrong.

And just because I don't know what it is or how I can help doesn't mean I don't care. You keep using excuses like you're working or you're busy with something but I've been around you before when you're working or your busy with something and it's different. You were happier, more willing to engage with others, with me. You'd share stories with us (you always have the best stories) or you'd be willing to weigh in on a crucial debate (like who is the best Batman villain if you exclude the Joker). Now you've become introspective, isolated. You've cut yourself off from everything around you and have become morose and melancholy. I'm worried about you, love. And don't tell me not to worry. I can't help it. I care about you, goddamnit. And I want to help, if you'd just let me in.

What makes me so worried is because this isn't the guy I know. When I first met you, you were so honest, so open about who you were. It was refreshing. Now you're closed off, not letting anyone in. What happened? What changed? I know that drive home was only one night but you've been honest and open with me since then.

I hope you know you've been one of the things I look forward to every day. I look forward to talking with you, to you making me laugh or smile. And now when I see you, it breaks my heart because I know you're hurting and I don't know how to help. I can't keep asking questions knowing I'll keep getting the same answers. And I can't keep buying you bottles, hoping that you'll figure a way out of your melancholy on your own. If you don't want me to help, that's fine. I get it. But please, let someone in long enough to help.

I miss you, the real you.

Love you.
Mean it.

As Heard in the Newsroom, Part 2

In case you missed it, here's Part 1.

I think a moose would listen to stoner metal music.
-Bryan Gomm

No, stop it! That’s not his name. You can’t just keep calling someone by the wrong name.
-Dave Newlin, about the pronunciation of the last name Whitecar

I swear I’ve met this girl & talked to her but I never noticed she’s missing a leg.
-Dave Newlin

My phone just called something. 

-Dave Newlin

Does my article suck as bad as I think it does?
-Dave Newlin

I don’t have to audition. I’m Dave fucking Newlin.
-Dave Newlin

I bet that guy’s depressed, sitting on all his piles of money.
-Dave Newlin

I am not that guy. I’m genuinely interested in the physics of doing kung fu with no arms or legs.
-Dave Newlin

Find your own ring, fucker.
-Dave Newlin

Where is the rally? Also, there’s a rally going on?
-Dave Newlin

Why is it snowing? Mindy, this is your fault almost undoubtedly.
-Dave Newlin

Okay, I’m going to do some bonding.
-Dave Newlin

Fuck A.P. style. I will not be bound by these rules. I transcend rules. 

-Dave Newlin

I wasn’t such a great writer when I was her age. I mean, I’m a pretty goddamn amazing writer now...
-Dave Newlin

I’ve been working all hard & shit.
-Dave Newlin

I home-taught people at that motel, which was weird.
No, what’s weird is that you home-taught.
-Dave Newlin & John-Ross Boyce

[The Republicans] seem to not like anything with a “P.” NPR, PBS...
That’s cause the “P” stands for Public.
-Dave Newlin & Kelly Cannon

I wish I was more not responsible...
Less responsible?
-Gilbie Cisneros & Mindy Harward

If you guys ever need to go to the bathroom in Salt Lake, I recommend the Grand American.
-Jarom Moore

You can be late but being late-late is slightly frowned upon.
-Jarom Moore

Elder Scott during the Saturday afternoon session was like, “Young men need to get married.” and I was like, “F-you. I’m trying.”
-Jarom Moore

Don’t sell yourself short. A lot of people think you’re going to hell.
-Jarom Moore

In a world of Carltons, we need a Will.
-John-Ross Boyce

If somebody gets raped at your apartment complex, it’s automatically on the sketchy list.
-John-Ross Boyce

There’s no “i” in gang-bang. And, yes Kelly, you can quote me on that.
-John-Ross Boyce

I’m sorry my friend was a creepazoid.
-John-Ross Boyce

Will write witty articles for food.
-John-Ross Boyce, on the title/theme of his portfolio

I really like his camouflage shorts cause this is 2002.
-John-Ross Boyce

Who’s racist now? Cause that would kick ass!
-John-Ross Boyce

So long story short, I wasn’t planning on going out but then my friends showed up and I ended up at a strip club.
-John-Ross Boyce

Wait, did we enter a time warp & it’s last year? Why are we talking about Avitar?
-John-Ross Boyce

How’s this for April Fools? I’ll come over to your house and burn it down if you shred my application.
-John-Ross Boyce

But it’s from Asia & anything from Asia is not metal.
-John-Ross Boyce

Genghis Khanis totally metal. He’s the only metal thing about Asia.
-John-Ross Boyce

There are no bathrooms in Mongolia.
-John-Ross Boyce

I think Catholicism is the opposite of Mormonism because in the Catholic church, everything is the woman’s fault. I can’t tell you how many times growing up, I’d come out of a meeting thinking I’m the worst person ever.
-John-Ross Boyce

I’d go to Denver for that.
-John-Ross Boyce, on Charlie Sheen’s tour

Snarky. High-five.
-John-Ross Boyce to Nadia

Hey, I know that shirt.
Yeah, it’s yours. You left it at my place.
-John-Ross Boyce & Dave Newlin, about the shirt Newlin was wearing.

I get off at 9.
And he’s done with work at 8:30
*high-five*
-John-Ross Boyce & Jarom Moore

I can write bullshit for 50 bucks.
-Kelly Cannon

The copyediting room is the cave. [The Newsroom] is more like a happy meadow.
-Kelly Cannon

I just really really really like dogs.
Koreans also really really like dogs.
-Kelly Cannon & Nadia Ashtawy

That’s not sexual harassment.
That’s just regular harassment.
-Kelly Cannon & Nadia Ashtawy

The lonely and forgotten wolverine...
Aren’t we all?
-Kelly Cannon & Dave Newlin

Having a crush on Johnny Depp is not 2005.
-Mindy Harward

You were going to get an official list.
Yeah, and then I had to go to the hospital.
-Mindy Harward & Dave Newlin

Tupac is the Bard of gangsters.
-Nadia Ashtawy

Because Snow College is basically high school.
-Nadia Ashtawy

I just swore at my staff for nothing.
-Robbin Anthony

Don’t you ever write crap like this.
-Robbin Anthony

Jesus was fake-born in December.
-Sterling Gray

I am not going to be late for weight training today. Hello, world! It’s the new me!
-Sterling Gray

It’s unsafe to have feminists on campus.
-Sterling Gray

Three words for you: The. Spice. Girls.
-Sterling Gray

Woo-Hoo! We got the guy’s first name. The story just got one word longer.
-Sterling Gray

All I heard was I want a class where I lie on my back. I don’t know, sex ed?
-Sterling Gray

In a parallel universe, you’d be my girlfriend.
That’s hot!
-Sterling Gray & John-Ross Boyce

Love you.

Mean it. 

An Apology.

Love you.
Mean it.

#96: If you could tell your 16-year-old self something, what would it be?

Two things:

First, being a nerdy kid who reads everything you can get your hands on is the best thing that you could ever do in your life. Keep it up.

Second, I promise that there will be a time when you don’t hate yourself or your life. You will love your life and every single aspect of it. You’ll be so happy, it’ll boggle your mind because you didn’t know it was possible to be so happy. You’ll wake up every morning excited about the day. You’ll love who you are, you’ll be confident in yourself & your abilities, and you’ll go on to do great things. Just hold on. It gets so much better.

Love you.
Mean it.

#20: What are the mottos of your life?

I've had a few mottos over the years. Here I'll present some of my favorites with a brief explanation about it.

Don't let the bastards win. 
-This was my granddad Cannon's motto. I painted it on a plague of sorts and it is hung just opposite of my bed so when I'm sitting up in bed writing or doing homework, I can look up and see my granddad's words.

Walk tall, kick ass...love music, and never forget you come from a long line of truth seekers, lovers, and warriors.
-I recently posted this saying on here. It's by Hunter S. Thompson. I'm going to be making another plague with this quote on it because it is so important to me.

Be so good at what you do that they can't ignore you. 
-This is a line from a documentary I saw at Sundance back in January. It was called Miss Representation, which was about how the media portrays women. The line was spoken by a female CEO to a younger woman during a mentorship meeting. This is written on a post-it note and stuck right in front of my desk in my room. It's one of the driving forces in my writing.

If you want to achieve greatness, stop asking for permission. 
-This was stenciled graffiti art that I cam across one day. It's one of the most true statements I've ever heard.

Friends are one of life's greatest blessings. Never give them up without a fight. 
-I think this came from the movie Harriet the Spy, which was a dumb little movie by Nickelodeon. But regardless of its origins, it's very true for me. Friendship is really important to me and loyalty from those friends & to those friends is even more important to me. I'll never give up my friends (or give up on my friends, for that matter) without a fight.

If you don't stick to your values when they're being tested, they're not values--they're hobbies.
-This comes from my main man, Jon Stewart. And it's one of the most true statements I know. Anyone can claim certain values but when push comes to shove, if you don't actively stand up for your values, then they're really not values.

There's more to life than underwear. 
-I'm pretty sure this came from a Joe Boxer commercial. What it means to me is that underwear is a very trivial thing in life. Yet a lot of people really spend a lot of time wondering what kind of underwear to wear. I mean, for me, I have a lot of underwear (this is because I love buying cute underwear and I love the feeling of wearing brand new underwear) but deciding which pair to wear during the day should be one of the simplest decisions of my day because, more often than not, no one is going to see them (of course there may be exceptions & yes, then I take the time to pick the right pair). Essentially, what this phrase means to me is stop worrying about the little things in life. It's a waste of energy.

Have your adventures, make your mistakes, and choose your friends poorly--all these make for great stories. 
-This is a quote from Chuck Palahniuk. It's currently a sticker on the back windshield of my car. What it means to me is that a lot of weird, painful, uncomfortable, or crazy things are going to happen in life. And that's exactly what should happen in your life. And, hey, at least you'll come out with some great stories.

Don't let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want.
-This is from the movie 10 Things I Hate About You, one of the few chick-flicks I actually like a lot. And I think it's pretty self-explanatory. 

The duty of youth is to challenge corruption.

-This is attributed to Kurt Cobian. Every time I hear this phrase, I think of the student protests in England and I think of the recent Egypt protests. As the younger generation, it is our duty, our obligation not to sit around and complain about the way things are, but to get off our lazy asses and actively try to create change. If we won't, who will?

But you should never be embarrassed by your trouble with living. Cause it's the ones with the sorest throats, Laura, who have done the most singing.

-This is a line from the song "Laura" by Bright Eyes. I find it pretty comforting because I've had my own "trouble with living." But I'm not embarrassed about it anymore.

I do not regret the things I have done but those I did not do.

-A self-explanatory piece of advice from Lucas in Empire Records. 

Dr. Jules Hilbert: Hell, Harold, you could just eat nothing but pancakes if you wanted. 

Harold Crick: What is wrong with you? Hey, I don't want to each nothing but pancakes, I want to live! I mean, who in their right mind in a choice between pancakes and living chooses pancakes?

Dr. Jules Hilbert: Harold, if you pause to think, you'd realize that the answer is inextricably contingent upon the type of life being led...and, of course, the quality of the pancakes. 

-So I know this isn't a motto per se, but I think it carries the same kind of wisdom found in a motto. (p.s. it's from the movie Stranger Than Fiction)

There's nothing to writing. All you do is sit at a typewriter and bleed.

-I've heard this is attributed to Ernest Hemingway but I may be wrong. But wherever it comes from, it's very true. Just ask any writer. 

We read to know we're not alone. 

-C.S. Lewis said this. And it's incredibly true. 

Life is not meant to be ordinary. 

-This comes from yours truly. It was a decision I made back in January 2010 and I've tried to stick with it ever since. 

If you're good at something, never do it for free. 

-If the Joker from The Dark Knight has taught us anything, it is this little kernel of truth. 

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. 

-Basically, that whole movie is a motto (Ferris Bueller's Day Off, for the slower ones in the audience)

There's only one rule that I know of, babies--'Goddamnit, you've got to be kind."

-This is from the book God Bless You , Mr. Rosewater by Kurt Vonnegut. And I think that is one of the only real, true rules of this planet. We have got to be kind to one another. 

I think that's enough for now. I could go on but I've got a doctor's appointment to get to. 

Love you.

Mean it. 

Bukowski vs. God

Sitting on my porch reading
while righteous men walk towards a chapel.
Doing their semi-annual duty to hear the words of God.

Bukowski's words are keeping me company,
stories staring Chinaski
about hangovers, debauchery, liquor, women, and, of course, delivering mail.
It's a nice contrast
since he's the opposite
of each of these men walking past in a pressed white shirt & tie,
aiming for access into heaven.

And I'm not saying it's a bad thing, if it works for them.

It's just, like Oberst, if I go to heaven
I'll be bored as hell
cause it's the Bukowskis, the Thompsons, and the Hemingways,
the Plaths, the Vonneguts, and the Keroaucs
who have anything interesting to say.

So maybe I should give debauchery & depravity another try.
Cause if I'm destined for an eternal fire,
I'd better bring some stories that can compete.

Books I Own, Part 2

This is an addition to the list I posted back in October. I've come into owning 25 books since then.

1. The Best of H.P. Lovecraft: Bloodcurdling Tales of Horror and the Macabre by H.P. Lovecraft
2. Bluebeard by Kurt Vonnegut
3. Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut
4. Crime & Punishment: A Graphic Novel by Fyodor Dostoyevsky, et al
5. Documentary Film: A Very Short Introduction by Patricia Aufderheide
6. Documentary: A History of the Non-Fiction Film by Erik Barnouw
7. Fictions of the Empire by Joseph Conrad, Robert Louis Stevenson & Rudyard Kipling
8. Film Art: An Introduction by David Bordwell et al
9. Gunn's Golden Rules: Life's Little Lessons on Making It Work by Tim Gunn
10. Hellboy: Masks and Monsters by Mike Mignola, et al
11. Hocus Pocus by Kurt Vonnegut
12. Looking at Movies: An Introduction to Film by Richard Barsam
13. A Passage to India by E.M. Forster
14. Post Office by Charles Bukowski
15. The Quiet American by Graham Greene
16. The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro
17. Rudyard Kipling's Tales of Horror & Fantasy by Rudyard Kipling
18. The Sandman, Vol. 1: Preludes & Nocturnes by Neil Gaiman
19. Saturday by Ian McEwan
20. A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again by David Foster Wallace
21. Telling True Stories by Mark Kramer & Wendy Call
22. The Walking Dead, Vol. 1: Days Gone By by Robert Kirkman, et al 
23. The Walking Dead, Vol. 2: Miles Behind Us by Robert Kirkman, et al
24. The Walking Dead, Vol. 3: Safety Behind Bars by Robert Kirkman, et al
25. What We Talk About When We Talk About Love by Raymond Carver

Love you. 

Mean it. 

I Just Need One for the Night

I've been missing the comfort of a good friend's couch
I may wake up with my back in knots
but at least then I'll know someone cares.

(It's this goddamn disposition
that I can neither explain nor escape.)

And going home seems so pointless
when I'm too tired to read the words of dead men
but too anxious to sleep my way to morning.

And I'm realizing it's probably all my fault
that I fell in love with you
but writing has become too exhausting
I'm just wasting ink.

So next time just leave your key under the mat
and I'll sneak in without a sound.
You've hopefully got two empty couches
I just need one for the night.