If you think this is about you, you're probably right.

So there's this guy. We'll call him Jude.

You know those people who you meet only by chance but they become a big part of your life?
That was Jude.

I'd see him every day, talk to him every day. It wasn't long before he became something I looked forward to every day. Anytime he'd show up unexpectedly, my day would get better. He didn't even need to talk to me. Just having him around made me feel good. Really good. And when we would talk, nothing else really mattered.

I'm starting to forget his laugh. He had a great laugh. It was loud and always genuine.

He was so good at telling stories, especially about his life. Once he was telling me a true story that made me laugh so hard, people started staring. It really wasn't the right time to be laughing but I couldn't help it. That was the effect Jude had on people. On me.

My favorite thing about Jude though was that he was never tried to be anyone but Jude. He lived his life in a way that left me envious. He was free. He lived as if he were constantly falling in love with his life. I wanted my life to be that way. I still do.

When I left, I didn't say goodbye. I was a wreck that day. It was the bitter taste of losing everything and I could barely cope. I wanted to say goodbye. But that would've made everything real, I guess. And I didn't want to break down in front of him, like I knew I would.

I know he's one of those guys who is going to haunt me the rest of my life. I can't seem to forget him. But you can't choose to forget the guy you fell more in love with every time you saw him.

I miss him.
And I know that it's stupid, but
I'm afraid to tell him how much I miss him.

If you think this is about you, you're probably right.

Love you.
Mean it.