I'll See You When I See You, Part Two: A Promise Kept

I didn't really expect it to happen. I mean, I hoped it would happen. I wanted it to happen. But I didn't believe it would. It made it less painful when it didn't.

But then, out of the blue, I get a message. He would be passing through town soon and he wanted to see me.

Before he left nearly a year ago, we talked about that old expression, "I'll see you when I see you." It was all we could say to each other when the time came to say goodbye. What else was there to say? Those stupid words filled me with such sadness. It encompassed that naive hope of youth that people can stay close despite the fact they leave with the cynicism of adulthood knowing the odds are stacked against them.

He saw it differently. He saw it as almost a promise. We would see each other again, even if he didn't know how long it would take. I wanted to believe him but in my heart I knew it was a long shot.

But I looked up and suddenly there he was. And just looking at him made me feel as if nothing had changed. He had the same blond hair, the same pale blue eyes, the same broad smile. I threw my arms around him as he whispered in my ear, "I told you I'd see you again." We talked about what was going on in my life and what was going on in his. He asked me how much longer until I could get out of this place. I lamented of my extremely poor status despite working three jobs and said it's still very much in the future.

After not nearly long enough, he had to leave and I had to get back to work. I hugged him tight and he held on so fiercely. We stepped back and he smiled that same smile. "I'll see you when I see you," he said. I laughed and repeated the phrase back. It's the same seven words but this time, I'm counting on them. And I can't wait to see him again.

Love you.
Mean it.

That's how we'll live forever, my love.

but I do believe in you
and the love we will one day have.
I believe in that so fiercely.

I believe in the nights we will have
tangled in the sheets,
laughing till the sunlight seeps into our room,
in the fights and forgiveness we'll share,
in the terror of parenthood,
and the joy of welcoming another into our love.

I believe in our love lasting till we're old and broken
and the last kiss we'll share
before whatever comes next takes one of us away.
And I believe that our love will be passed
from our children to their children to their children
and that's how we'll live forever, my love.

Please save me from the monsters

I sometimes send out late night texts to certain people. I'm sure everyone has done something similar. We do it for various reasons. Me? I'm just looking for someone to talk to, even if it's through communication's most empty form.

I hate the night. Facing nights alone is almost unbearable.

When you were really little, you believed monsters came out at night. Monsters always come out in the dark. That's why you were so afraid of the dark. When you got older, you stopped believing that because you were too old to believe in monsters anymore.

When you reach adulthood, you realized monsters are indeed real and they do come out at night. But they aren't the gouls & demons in physical form that frightened you as a child. No. They are the thoughts that haunt you, torment you, those memories you can't seem to forget. The reality of your mortality is a monster, as is the knowledge of your loneliness and the fear of insanity.

So when I reach out & send those texts late at night, no matter what I write, I'm only saying one thing: Please save me from the monsters.